Ahoy. I guess it's been a few days since I posted any update here. As you might have seen in the main pages, I managed to gain back the 8kg I lost. So I'm gonna text my bestie and see if I can join her meal prep plans. We have a whole bunch of plants in the kitchen to help absorb some of my mother and step-father's smoking(yes they smoke in the house), sadly the kittens have been trying to munch on them(the plants not the people... well sorta, they can get a little bitty because they're babies that wanna play). There's only one that's toxic(Philodanderon), one that's good(Spider plant), and the rest are fine but not good(christmas cactus, orchid, and baby rose). I'm thinking of making a little greenhouse contraption to place over them so we can leave the kittens out and not have to barricade them in their playpen at night when no one is around to watch them. The next thing we have to do is keep them from climbing on the counter. Still figuring that one out. Ima look up some mini greenhouse tutorials now to see what we'll need and how hard it'll be to put together. I'm hoping it's mostly stuff we already have.

I don't understand how humans intellectual hubris can call others small minded and mentally ill for believing in Christ. Most people try to dissect Christianity cause they feel there ways is higher than his ways. I recently came upon some information that most people would run away from Christ with and begin dissecting Christianity. But, I'm no fool I know how to handle dangerous information and not let my mind run astray. I'm rooted in Christ. They think they can dissect Christianity and make it lose it luster to the common man. So you feel stupid for trusting God. They dissect and try to reduce it to something small that should be passed over. They tell you it's for small minds and the mentally ill because there mind is bigger than God such hubris. All because there intellectual hubris goes unchecked keeping them from having faith and coming to know the true infinite wisdom of God. Yep it's for small minds lol truly your mind is bigger than God such fools. Your silly finite mind is bigger than God's. Intellectual hubris is what is keeping people from God because they think they know it all. They don't even recognize or acknowledge a greater mind exists higher than themselves. They refuse to recognize his mind as being great because if he was great they are sure in there intellectual hubris they would understand it. And, they don't. Therefore he is a liar in there eyes because there mind is bigger than God's in there mind and there's nothing they can't understand. The fact that God don't fit there mental framework of good they think there mind must be greater than his. Understanding God's wisdom requires faith then the understanding comes. They say you small minded for acknowledging something greater than yourself. As if they are saying there's no God with greater intellect than us. They truly don't believe it and will not recognize it. It's a story they can never come to terms with. Truly intellectual hubris is killing faith. Few are humble to recognize something greater than themselves and trust it without fully understanding it. The limit of your understanding does not mean truth about God. I can't understand how your good therefore this is truth that I understand. It's just the limit of your understanding you step beyond that with faith and learn more as you walk the holy spirit is real and filled with God's wisdom. Why don't they want to taste real wisdom I don't understand. Edit: There are many mysteries to God and the universe just because we don't understand it doesn't make them not true. It's just the limit of our understanding. These mysteries remain true whether we can comprehend them or not. The limit of our understanding is often times mistaken for truth the truth does not cease to exist because we don't understand it. And, I think Jesus is the way truth and the life. But, that's just me many truths will be deduced by man not all holding weight so I guess it's whatever you have faith in. God truth threw his weight around with filling believers with the holy spirit so I know the weight of this truth it sits in many believers and they experience unexplainable peace and wisdom not all but some do that's enough truth with some weight behind it for me we can't do that as humans so what do I know. But, anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Tonight was the longest night I ever did of pickleball. I played for 4 hours straight with my dad, until I could feel my legs were on fire. I made a really cool spike but got a bruise right on my leg from where my racket handle slammed into it. I kind of let myself go as far as food goes on vacation last week and am trying to get back under 130 pounds. I'm trying a diet of 3 Tortilla wraps (150 cal each), tuna salad (750 cal per container), half a can of lentils (~150 cal), 1/3rd bag of cooked shredded carrot / red cabbage / kale / Brussel sprout mix (cooked down so all the water weight is gone), then 3 tablespoons of cilantro dressing to get that nasty vegetable taste out. If I need to I add some greek yogurt to the wraps. Plus side, I lost 3 pounds in 4 days. Downside, the most foul, demonic bathroom sessions of my friggin life. I don't know how these people keep up with a low processed food diet.

I finally reached the point where I admit to myself I can't comprehend God. My attempts are just a small minded human trying to put him in a box I can understand. I admit God is more than the human mind can comprehend. I'm done putting him in boxes I think I understand. And, let God be God totally incomprehensible to me. I lean not on my own understanding. I just trust him at his word. I'm tired of these terrible ideas of God I put in boxes surfacing to contradict God. But, I didn't know how to stop them. That's because I didn't acknowledged that God is beyond my comprehension. Now I do. Now all the sticky boxes fade away. And, I'm left with a God I can't comprehend but I trust. Instead of saying this box is right about you in my hubris which is intellectual meaning I'm leaning on my own understanding. Now I switched to faith and trust and no conflicts arise cause now I understand God is beyond my comprehension. Realizing you can't completely figure God out frees you to trust him more. If you have God all figured out in your head you might not trust him. Totally leaning on your own understanding. God has many mysteries to him. His word tells us of his character and that's what I trust even though I don't completely understand. I acknowledge the difference between faith and intellectual understanding most of the times they collide faith fundamentally requires stepping beyond what can be proven or intellectually grasped. What I grasped was of no use to me if I call my self a man of God a soldier all it did was made me skeptical of God and collide with the truth of who he is because I don't understand intellectually. Or I understood a different truth about him. Now I understand his words are the truth regardless if I understand it or not. Now I have more faith and less conflict. I had a intellectual resistance to traditional faith. That's what was hindering my faith. I had faith my information was better than the truth. I had to acknowledge it's ok not to understand and that I may not be able to comprehend God. Faith comes first then understanding. The concept of "faith comes first, then understanding" largely stems from the famous theological phrase fides quaerens intellectum (faith seeking understanding). It means that you first accept God's truth through faith, which then unlocks a deeper, richer understanding of it later. I truly believe faith comes first then understanding. I haven't been trusting God and leaning on my own understanding. I thought my knowledge was better than his. But, now my faith is moving up hallelujah. All glory be to Christ. I pray one day I taste the wisdom and understanding of the Holy Spirit speaking directly to me. But, I trust God with the future his will not mine he knows best. Here's the video that spurred these thoughts today. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8GqxNd2/ Edit: Faith is not believing without any understanding. Rather, faith trusts God beyond the point where understanding runs out. Christians are encouraged to seek understanding, ask questions, and grow in wisdom. But when our understanding reaches its limit, faith says, "God is still true." Edit: I made plenty breakthroughs in many areas with this mindset. Instead of thinking God not worried about me like I always do. Now I think I don't understand how you worried about me but I know that it's true. I don't have rebuttals to the truth anymore. No faith and intellectual conflicts. Cause I know the truth remains truth higher than what I intellectually grasped. This is sick that as a narcissist I can comprehend trusting God and not leaning on my own understanding all Glory be to Jesus it's a miracle that my faith was elevated. Praise the Lord. Yall don't know what this means for me. Me a narcissist admitting the faults of my own intellectual hubris and truly trusting in God and walking by faith and trusting in the truth even if I don't understand it completely instead of putting God in a box and saying this the real you I know it to be true and it conflicts with what you say. It means the world to get closer to God especially when you have pride and ego like a narcissist making everything difficult. It's a miracle to get closer. I'm so greatful and truly blessed. I don't know how he could love someone like me I don't understand it but I know it to be true. I can finally express this with this new mindset instead of always thinking I will be forsaken cause I'm a narcissist. I'm filled with gratitude and awe from his love, kindness, grace, and mercy. Isaiah 55:8-9 8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. I don't understand how humans intellectual hubris can call others small minded and mentally ill for believing in Christ. Most people try to dissect Christianity cause they feel there ways is higher than his ways. I recently came upon some information that most people would run away from Christ with and begin dissecting Christianity. But, I'm no fool I know how to handle dangerous information and not let my mind run astray. I'm rooted in Christ. They think they can dissect Christianity and make it lose it luster to the common man. So you feel stupid for trusting God. They dissect and try to reduce it to something small that should be passed over. They tell you it's for small minds and the mentally ill because there mind is bigger than God such hubris. All because there intellectual hubris goes unchecked keeping them from having faith and coming to know the true infinite wisdom of God. Yep it's for small minds lol truly your mind is bigger than God such fools. Your silly finite mind is bigger than God's. Intellectual hubris is what is keeping people from God because they think they know it all. They don't even recognize or acknowledge a greater mind exists higher than themselves. They refuse to recognize his mind as being great because if he was great they are sure in there intellectual hubris they would understand it. And, they don't. Therefore he is a liar in there eyes because there mind is bigger than God's in there mind and there's nothing they can't understand. The fact that God don't fit there mental framework of good they think there mind must be greater than his. Understanding God's wisdom requires faith then the understanding comes. They say you small minded for acknowledging something greater than yourself. As if they are saying there's no God with greater intellect than us. They truly don't believe it and will not recognize it. It's a story they can never come to terms with. Truly intellectual hubris is killing faith. Few are humble to recognize something greater than themselves and trust it without fully understanding it. The limit of your understanding does not mean truth about God. I can't understand how your good therefore this is truth that I understand. It's just the limit of your understanding you step beyond that with faith and learn more as you walk the holy spirit is real and filled with God's wisdom. Why don't they want to taste real wisdom I don't understand. There are many mysteries to God and the universe just because we don't understand it doesn't make them not true. It's just the limit of our understanding. These mysteries remain true whether we can comprehend them or not. The limit of our understanding is often times mistaken for truth the truth does not cease to exist because we don't understand it. And, I think Jesus is the way truth and the life. But, that's just me many truths will be deduced by man not all holding weight so I guess it's whatever you have faith in. God truth threw his weight around with filling believers with the holy spirit so I know the weight of this truth it sits in many believers and they experience unexplainable peace and wisdom not all but some do that's enough truth with some weight behind it for me we can't do that as humans so what do I know. But, anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk.