Confessions

I confess it's always strange when i dream about someone from here. Especially if I haven't seen, spoken to, or even thought of them in a long time.

I took a month off from drinking. I usually like to do this once a year to kind of self-check and reset things. It does get pretty friggin boring drinking water - coffee - sparkling water every single day though.

I need to do that myself, quit drinking for a bit. I've had what amounts to three beers a night for over a year and it eats at me. I know there's worse, but rely on that for an end of day numbing, I know that's not a good idea. I give myself excuses, but I know it's better to not drink. While I don't get crazy drunk, it's become a habit and that why hard liquor is definitely a no go. Drinking on the occasion isn't a bad thing(If you can handle it.), but when things seem boring without it, there may be an issue.

Just don't be like my father was until recently where he would drink outside in the hot sun to get drunk faster and then jump in his truck to go buy expensive things like another truck or some land without telling anyone what he was doing. Never realized how codependent my father was with alcohol seeing as he wouldn't drink in front of my mother or I. He kept all his booze either hidden in his truck or out in one of his sheds. Same thing with his smoking. Wouldn't do it in front of me usually unless I walked up on him behind the shed, but after his heart attack I learned the man was crushing not just 1 pack, but an entire carton in a day.

man i want to drink. haha jk. this is me showing off my weed, fish and squirrel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTCfg9TqYAE

I don't deserve my gf. If I somehow mess up what I got going on in my relationship with my gf. God is gonna have a field day with my ass. I know it's over x2. I had to many warnings. Plus it's the most vivid warning I recieved and I'm to smart and studied to say I don't know why I did that. Pray I take this way out he has given me. Pray for us.