Butt Mommy ®

Today I learned how much I want people to be happy. It's not actually something I just learned, but it hits me again how much I want to make or see someone smile, whether or not I'm the cause of it, because people deserve peace and joy for themselves. I sometimes worry about if I cross into a toxic sort of positivity, mainly due to irritation or anger I can feel whenever I see someone struggling...I get worried that I'm mad at them or something, especially when I know we as humans can't help how we feel. But, I've realized that maybe I CAN be a little frustrated towards someone who struggles with that darkness, but not because they feel that way necessarily, but due to me desiring them to be so happy I start to think: "why aren't you fighting for it?" Or something along those lines. BUT, I've noticed the way I can think, internally about others feelings and that desire to see them happy, is the way I talk to myself internally...and I'm known for being very harsh on myself. I think I see certain thoughts or feelings crop up in people that I have felt or gone through myself, and I just remember how awful I could feel in those moments, so I think I start to get desperate when seeing that familiar thing and deeply wish for them to move away from that. Again, I never say certain frustrations outloud because 1: I have more self control than that and 2: I realize feelings can't magically be unfelt lol, and 3: I don't want to possibly say something that will hurt that person further. So, my solution? I pour all my love into them even when it can be hard to witness someone I love go through such rough times, maybe even frustrating or personally hard (due to my own setbacks or issues personally) on occasions. I think most of the irritation or anger I feel is actually directed towards myself, because I wish to somehow do more for this person, even though I know I can only give so much to another. I always hope my love can be enough of a comfort to them and that someday it can pull them out of the darkness, or that I can simply hold onto them as long as they want me to, until they get to someone that can help them in the ways that I know I can't. Because I would rather stick out your sadness and pain with you, allowing it to become my own, than leave you by yourself. And I know that past the personal frustration and the pain of seeing someone I love hurt, that I count it an honor and privilege to be able to be by their side in such hard times, because there's nothing I love more than seeing people overcome hardship and grow in all the good ways. In other words: I just really love everyone here...and I know that mostly everyone here has been going through the wringer right now, but I'm cheering you on, okay! Keep fighting and I'll always be here for you when I can and if you'll allow me too. ❤️