Don't be ashamed of your story, it will inspire others.

i share my story to those who are trustworthy. there are some moral gray things in my story, but mostly its just shitty abuse things and stuff. but it has a good "ending" i put that in quotes because im only 26 thus it is not over.

Considering how judgmental and unforgiving people can be, and how on sites like this people love to trash talk eachother behind their backs I can totally understand not wanting to open up. You might have people make fun of you, spread nasty rumors, use what you say to ruin your life. I've seen it all here. No one wants to admit it but people on sites like this are gonna worry about their rep, and there's some assholes who will rip it to shreds. Personally, I don't expect many (if any) people here to understand my thoughts, feelings, and desires, let alone care. Being open about such things would more than likely get me labeled a pathetic loser at best. I already have to deal with douchbags on this site who make all sorts of assumptions about me. I've got stable income with a modest savings, a 40hr job I like, live in a decent paid off house with an okay car which is only a couple years old. I'm a very morally driven honest person who likes clean living and have no debt to my name, which is a lot more than I can say for many people here who would jump to conclusions and assume the complete opposite of me. They'd call me a leach, a drain on society, and so on without knowing the first thing about me. As such there's many aspects to my story I would only tell people in private here, and other things I'd only tell people I've known for some time and can trust. . As for my story, there's not much to it. It's kinda boring and uneventful for the most part. I don't really remember much about my early childhood but grew up with a shitty abusive father who hates me. I guess having a kid wasn't what he expected and from what I've been told he expected me to be doing yard work and chores at an age when I could barely walk yet. He tossed out the will naming me in it, spent my college fund, and talked my grandparents into breaking off contact with me, convincing them I was a little monster or something. He then ditched me and my mom in central America when I was six. six months in she went back to the US, divorced him, and another six months latter I came too. Lost a lot of wight, was forced to learn Spanish, got sick a few times and slept in mud huts for a while by candle light. My mom worked hard to support me on her own when we got back, and I struggled with school after that, part of it being no one to help me, part of it having forgotten a lot (including much of English itself) while I was away. As time went on we moved around a lot which made it hard to keep friends or form relationships. Always moved just far enough to change my school but not far enough to get out of this general area I've grown to hate. I thought school and socializing in general was a hellish waste of time after being ripped away from friend after friend. By the time I got to my second high school I had practically given up on all that stuff and just kept to myself playing video games alone in my room. I didn't even show up to school for the first three months of my senior year and dropped as they let me. Got my first job at a mall working as a security guard, and while it was a horrible job that I got treated like shit at, I did my best at it. Got the closest thing I've ever had to a girlfriend there who was a white trash overweight girl who smoked and had a two year old kid at age 17. I honestly found that revolting but gave them a chance because they were the only person who ever asked me out. I couldn't go through with it though and broke things off after about a week of knowing them, and having coworkers and family constantly telling me to keep away from her. I ended up getting fired from that job a year after being there because I was considered too good/honest and my coworkers were doing some really shady stuff at the job. They were worried I might rat them out, so they framed me for grand theft and got me fired. Had detectives at my house and everything, but I never got charged with anything. I hated it there and people constantly took advantage of my kindness anyway leaving me with very little to show for my time there, so I was glad to have left it. Got a second job that had some really horrible hours and would send me to all sorts of random places at random times with little or no notice. imagine if your boss called you at 2am and told you to get dressed right then and there and drive to some city you've never heard of to fill in for someone at a place you know nothing about. Still, I did my best at it and the bosses seemed to like me for it. During this time I parted ways with the only friend I had who stuck with me from one of the high schools I attended. The guy was very manipulative and I suspected he only kept me around to suck my wallet dry and have me do favors for him. Last straw was when he convinced me to take some time off work for a double date he arranged, only to find out it was a lie and he just wanted someone to drive him and his girlfriend around while passing him money when she wasn't looking since he neither had a car or money of his own. That job lasted a few years but I screwed it up, spent some time unemployed, went back to working for a job I couldn't possibly hate more but with a boss that begged me to stay and talked me into letting him rip up my resignation latter that I sent him. Due to the events that lead to me being laid off from the job I spent a while as a hikki/neet, and it wasn't that fun. I could feel my mental health slipping away as the days melted into weeks and into months. I tried getting aid and medication but that wasn't for me. Eventually I crawled my way out of that hole on my own. Got back to working with a great job I loved, it ended through no fault of my own but then I got the one I have now which I like even more and pays better. I'm still living with my mom thanks to screwed up economy, but also because she needs someone to look after her and she's the only person who's ever truly cared about me. Meanwhile to this day my dad seems to enjoy rubbing his money in my face, bagging about how many houses he owns, the latest exotic car he bought, or what part of the world he's going to next. Even likes to remind me sometimes out of nowhere that he isn't going to leave me anything when he dies. Because of my line of work it's not easy to make friends or form relationships. As such I spent years just doing the motions, watching life pass me by as I get older and older. I've managed to meet decent people online but I find that no matter how well I get along with people they have a tendency to drift away and vanish after a few months usually, That includes people from this site too. Sometime I'd get along great with people, trade textwalls with them back and forth daily for months, then out of nowhere they get tired of me and move on leaving me wondering what I said or did wrong. These days I expect it to happen with pretty much everyone I meet and treat our time together as just a temporary borrowed thing, I don't let it effect or change things though, just something I keep in the back of my mind that I know is coming. Happened again pretty recently with someone that took hours and hours to type replys each way because we just had that much to chat about, and I actually managed to meet up with them at a AX2017, only to find them with a harem of guys and one who kept looking at me like he wanted me dead (he had a huge crush on her and obviously didn't want competition) We still spoke for a bit after that but then she starts telling about the date she's going on with someone she just met (same guy from the con), and soon after that they stopped responding to my messages. This is just how people are I guess, and that's never gonna change. I've tried making friends too but it doesn't matter how much work or effort I put in, it aint happening. Least at this past AX I also met with someone I've known online only for a few years and that went okay, even if it was just a one time thing. We never really talked much though, just sort of hung out in the same chatroom, but it was nice. It was the first time I played videogames with someone offline in more than ten years. I've tried starting conversations with people I've met at cons, but people never make it easy lol. I swear talking to some of them is like trying to start a conversation with a random videogame NPC. I kinda feel like an outsider in this world, made to watch other people live their lives and experience things I'll never know for myself, things they all take for granted. Friends, lovers, work, faimly, and so on. I've beaten myself up over it a lot trying to understand it. I wouldn't consider myself stupid, ugly, or a jerk (away from this site anyway. can't lie, this place rubs me the wrong way) but I guess it doesn't really matter. It is what it is, and that's all there is to it.

I'm a little hung over but I'll tell a little My mom wasn't very nice, she made me take pills for add as a kid. My step dad wasn't nice. They've kicked me out a few times. I was homeless. That's about it, i don't want to talk about recent stuff

Neet, Honestly, after reading all of that, I see you in a bit of a different light. I suppose people can only assume with what information that is given. Some here would or I should say, did assume I was just an overly critical, judgmental ass. However, that's my fault, I mean, I haven't given many here much more to think of me. I won't go into a story of my life (Doubt it'd be read and I highly doubt ANYONE would care. No one here knows me, so it's not their fault. ), but I will say that it's hard to get an accurate depiction or make a real connection here. People fear opening up and getting shot down or they just can't see that there's always a real person behind the words. I doubt you'd read what I have to say, but try not to be so jaded.