yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
So, I have a serious abuser trait that is tied to OCD and PTSD. When I sense a certain strain of selfishness *and* lack of self-awareness in a person (most often as a defense response to certain topics) I pick them apart like shark eating whale carcass. I know what I'm doing is evil. I state that. But I cannot stop myself. I state that also. So if you ignore that and still show no self awareness... I actively wish you death and I'm low key trying to get you to kill yourself. It's... evil. I know. But I cannot help it despite knowing about its existence. Usually I'm extremely empathetic, I try to see why and how you feel and put your feelings before my own. I help you through darkest hours and recognize if you're going through something particular. Usually. So that this trait exists and knowing why, I feel like it's important to disclose this. Even if no one reads this, I at least have to get it out of my head before it eats me alive. It's the primary reason I cannot be a good romantic partner to anyone.
Ghost @kuharido You got to protect yourself
yuuzora @yuuzora
It still isn't right... abuse is never okay. But I can't stop myself just out of the obsessive compulsion.
---Optional to read below, getting thoughts out of my head is a poor coping mechanism, but it's working----------------------------------------------------
When I try explaining it repeatedly and the person continues to make everything about them and completely not understand what is being said. Basically being far too emotional... they admitted that I'm nothing more than a romantic quest achievement to this person. Not a human being. I want to believe better of people... so I allow myself to be lied to... but in the end my intuition is always right. Only thing I can hope is they stay alone forever and don't hurt anyone other than themself. Sorry... too much for one stranger. Bordering on literal psychosis doesn't help. Reality is painful.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Don't apologize for wanting to speak. Even if the things you want to say are a bit on the heavier side of things ❤️
yuuzora @yuuzora One of the people that brought this topic up reads this thread. Like above, I have begged them to chop the head off, but they continue it. It forced my alter to the surface and uninstalled the app I used to talk to this person. I just... it's caused so much mental pain. And mind you, I'm sure I tore them to pieces. I warned them again and again. I explained again and again. But they still don't even care. Mind you, I am continuing to admit that what I am doing is abusive and very mean and hurtful. But due to the ptsd and ocd, I literally cannot stop it. I have been trying and I have so little defense for it with the other mental strains I am under.
---Optional to read----
By the way person reading this.
1. I am not claiming you are a sex addict, I am claiming you are a covert narcissist. This is because you still only see the things that victimize yourself and cannot see anything outside of that. Chances are London Girl endured the same thing. I feel for her, honestly.
2. Despite being in a psychotic spiral, I still have more self-awareness than you and the original post is that evidence. Pathetic.
3. I know no matter what I say, you'll only see the parts that validate your victimhood. I told you that you're the one that has to stop it. My OCD won't allow me to. I have said this several times.
4. To you women aren't people. That's what set this off. Your blatant words were the catalyst.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I hope I'm able to respond...even if it's not who you expect or want to respond? But, I am sorry this is a response caused my PTSD and OCD :(, my eldest brother and dad have PTSD and with that can/has come some emotional and such responses (whether negative or whatever else). I can't imagine what it's like to have PTSD or OCD but I do hope you can continue to live and love YOUR life to the fullest Yuu-chan, because you deserve happiness, love and peace ❤️
yuuzora @yuuzora The person I was addressing in the optional bit, likely spammed the Line chat that I uninstalled to try and end the cycle. I will not look at the messages. Otherwise it'll just start again.
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I hope you won't let this ruin your day. You're too kind a person to endure this trauma dumping. So I apologize for being so irratic.
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I appreciate your kindness. I still have a long way to go before I'll be stable. Admitting my faults, abuses, toxic traits and figuring out how and why I have them... even if it hurts. I *want* to be a good person. That means purging these traits from my heart. I want to learn to forgive... Sorry this is a lot... being in psychosis I'm not myself.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Please don't apologize to me! I don't mind you needed to rant or let things out, trust me, I'm used to it and I don't mind it at all. And...not saying this will mean anything to you, but I think you're on your way to being a good and better person. It's hard enough for people to admit their mistakes and faults, so that to me is a mature mindset and attitude you have. I know trying is tough but I hope you keep pushing towards better for yourself and those around you. Just ultimately be patient with your process Yuu-chan ^-^
yuuzora @yuuzora I usually don't involve others in my business. Since everyone is going through something. Adding more to their plate, can tip the scales. Make no mistake, I'll be here if you need help. Both qualified and certified to do so, despite the psychosis. It can often be beneficial to help others.
Due to the OCD response, that inhibition is lower, so writing it out gets it out of my head before it devours me. The most I could do is separate it with a line so a reader knows it's optional.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying It's perfectly fine to not want to involve other's in your business, but just know I'm fine with listening even if I may not have much to say. And it's fine if writing helps, I write too when I have things I want to say that I don't have to strength to say out loud. Oh! And I'm fine with reading your longer texts too ^^
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Randomly don't know you, but I would much prefer you just say you don't want to. I will completely understand if you would rather fucking not with anything right now but if you come up with lies, I'm just going to troll you like this until you admit it. :)
Relatable
Red @redhawk
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Relatable
Red @redhawk
Ghost @kuharido
left a comment for
yuuzora
Ghost @kuharido
Most people know Nostradamus for his future predictions. His actual profession was a plague doctor. He was rather successful since he promoted hygiene and proper disposal of bodies. He also had a medicine made from rose hips.
https://i.ibb.co/199JKjb/gettyimages-549522641.jpg
yuuzora @yuuzora Oh. That is interesting.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Dear people looking to add me,
Please read my ABOUT first. Thank you.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
I was raised Irish Catholic, so I understand.
I don't trust people who say they don't like any form of cheese. Sus.
Yay! One human with a normal upbringing. I'm glad you are close with your siblings. :D
20 Questions
vectorphresh @mrvee
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20 Questions
vectorphresh @mrvee
Here's my response to first set of questions:
1. My favorite color is red
2. Right now my playlist has electronic music from Clark, Gingy, Lorn, and Wreckage
3. I'm re-watching "The Devil is a Part Timer"
4. I speak mainly English, and understand some Spanish because of my cousins
5. I work as a software developer for a large corporate firm. It's a fun job, and I build software that helps people get around every day. The politics can be a drain, but the people I work with are chill.
6. I have two siblings--an older sister and younger brother--both of which I'm close to. I spend a lot more time with my bro tho, who also lives in California.
7. I get along pretty well with my dad and stepmom, but was not very close to biological mom when she was alive due to her struggle with mental health.
8. The Peanut butter banana protein smoothie from Jamba Juice is a favorite, and I like drinking coffee sometimes
9. Not really. I like going fast (Initial D!) but move over when driving in the fast lane.
10. I did not enjoy school, but I liked my high school math teacher because he was kind even when I was struggling (or slacking). He encouraged me to go to college and would chat about the latest math during breaks.
11. Last time I tested I was ENFP-A.
12. I was raised catholic, but not so much as an adult. I'm pretty sure there's a god who has an awesome sense of humor, and believe we are all connected. I believe you are what you think, and mostly live by that.
13. I'd be Akira Tendo from Zom 100. Awkward, but my heart in the right place.
14. Not sure. when it's just me I try to avoid conflict, but I go all in when people are in trouble or need support. I've fought for my friends and given CPR to relative strangers, and was pretty scared in both cases.
15. Favorite food has always been pizza, and feeds my cheese addiction. I've started to eat helathier tho while microdosing mozzerella
16. I think it would be fun to play games at Dave Busters, have some drinks, and take silly photos.
17. I don't think so. :P
18. My favorite exercise is cycling and I used to sign up for small races (like Onoda Sakamichi) but...
19. My job eats a lot of me time, and its constantly in hair-on-fire mode. I find time to relax but I wish I had more.
20. It feels like love is the universal language, and that you create the world togther.
vectorphresh @mrvee It was super chaotic living with my biological mom, but now that I’m older, I can see she did best she could. I didn’t get what she was going through until I was much older.
yuuzora @yuuzora Aye. Retrospect offers a lot to us when we pay attention. Still glad you made it through. Do you still keep contact with your mam now that you're older?
vectorphresh @mrvee She passed during the pandemic from dementia. Was tough for a while, and I regret not being with her more
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Hn. Plague Doctor is a good one. Especially with all the aromatics they kept in their masks.
20 Questions
Ghost @kuharido
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20 Questions
Ghost @kuharido
1. What is your favorite monster?
Dracula, you can do a lot with him. He's uniquely deep. The novel did a good job highlighting the differences in modern thought vs old superstitions. Bram Stoker lived through the Potato famine in Ireland so I'm sure that had a profound effect on his novel. Seeing people delirious with hunger definitely gives you an idea of monstrosity both in the people suffering and those that were apathetic to it. The oppression at the time might have contributed to giving Dracula the dominating presence. The fear of vampires has a lot of symbolism. Many people suck life out of others. This happens often in human history. Especially with overtaking areas for resources, genocides, slave labor, and razing areas. It's vampiric in many ways since this pillaging can empower a group at the expense of another.
https://media.tenor.com/xmMa0nfKHO4AAAAC/bela-dracula.gif
2. How would you describe your sense of humor?
Sardonic, I mostly laugh at others misfortune. I also like skit comedy very much. Check it out with Dr Steve Brule and Moonbeam city capture my ideal humor very well.
https://media.tenor.com/VJunDd-OgqUAAAAC/steve-brules-tickles.gif
3. What is your best friend like?
I have a tier system with my friends so I don't really have "one" best friend. Just depends on the environment which I am. I usually like someone who doesn't judge me. Enjoys the random junk I say.
https://media.tenor.com/cChzR8N5TvwAAAAC/gerita.gif
4. What's the dumbest thing you've heard someone say?
Poor people who think Trump is on their side.
https://media.tenor.com/FWgZrjY8ROgAAAAC/ojou-ojousama.gif
5. What's the dumbest thing *you've* ever said?
One day I'll find some lady to love and marry.
https://media.tenor.com/cHJdBVQE2gIAAAAC/shachiku-san-anime-laugh.gif
6. What anime do you wish never existed?
Rosario vampire, it was so far removed from the manga. It's really a shame cause the story was so good.
https://media.tenor.com/nqyA7NIwlLsAAAAC/rosario-vampire-anime.gif
7. What do you think of CGI versus practical effects?
It's okay in some projects like that gem anime "Land of the Lustrous" but most companies use it as a cheap alternative to hand drawn.
https://media.tenor.com/uhlNDrIEN-AAAAAC/dia-diamond.gif
8. What's your favorite aesthetic?(Like personal style choices)
Wish I could be a plague doctor. That was such a badass aesthetic.
https://media.tenor.com/buehRLio7DMAAAAC/plague-doctor.gif
9. Are you a procrastinator?
unfortunately yes, I have low self esteem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khK_afMwAdA
10. What is your least favorite trope in anime?
the dumb main character.
https://media.tenor.com/Nt6Zju-KjTsAAAAC/luffy-one-piece.gif
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Practical effects are basically the things they used before CGI. Like putting a man in a suit instead of CGI Godzilla, using ketchup as fake blood, etc.
And yay, same style! Love it! Though I'm a sucker for either pastels or contrasting colors with black like bright obnoxious pink. :D
20 Questions
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
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20 Questions
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
1. I don't think I have one
2. I honestly don't even know? I don't really have a dark, dark sense of humor...but I can tell you I love dad jokes lol
3. She is very blunt and honest, sometimes to the point of brutality. Sometimes people have described her and I as fire and ice, but we balance each other out very well. She does have a soft side but she tends to let me do the comforting (people have likened us to a husband and wife/dad and Mom XD)
4. I have heard a lot of crap come out of people's mouths. But the first thing I can think of is my baby brother blaming our Mom for her miscarriages (he was really young then but it was still stupid to hear lol)
5. Hmm? When I told my twin I didn't want to be her sister and when I was like 3-5 and called my Mom a cow (she was pregnant) :(
6. Boku No Pico and any extremely perverted anime with lolis, shotas and just every pedophiliac/creepy anime
7. Say what now? For CGI I think it is cool but my brain is smol and too dumb to understand the other one lol
8. Frills, poof, sparkles, cutesy stuff and looking like a neon marker
9. It depends
20. I don't even know? I forget tropes tbh
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Your fashion sense is beautiful ❤️. And I think putting someone in a suit is funny, especially depending on what it is or looks like. Both can be fun!
yuuzora @yuuzora Right. Putting someone in a suit can be silly, but for a kaiju movie for example, it's part of its charm that it doesn't take itself too seriously and just wants to tell a good story with good acting and a little humor. :)
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I don't think I've seen Kaiju movies. What is that specifically?
yuuzora @yuuzora Kaiju means 'strange beast' in Japanese. It's basically the movie monsters like Godzilla, Rodan, Gidorah, Mothra, Biolante, King Kong, etc. :)
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Ah, okay. Then I have at least seen Godzilla and Mothra
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Oh, Cthulu is one I don't hear often.
Lol. I hear often that even with a monolid, don't count as Japanese because I have red hair. XD
Very nice sense of style.
20 Questions
Amir @amir_bahram
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20 Questions
Amir @amir_bahram
PART SIX.
1. Cthulhu.
2. LOUD.
3. She's kind. A little too nice. So nice that it makes me thing she's acting like this just to be cute XD.
4. Some dumbass said I can't call myself Asian because I don't look Asian. Basically I don't look Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc.
5. I thought 9/11 happened on September of 2011. In my defence I was a kid and putting the day after the month is stupid. It's day, month and year.
6. I wish every anime with incest, every anime that has crap story and a lot of fan service, trashy isekais like THAT ONE FUCKING TIME I GOT REINCARNATED AS MY NEIGHBOUR'S DILDO and every anime with lolis to not exist.
7. Practical effects >>>>>>
8. https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/735517722623868999/1143074182830243891/image0.jpg https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/735517722623868999/1143074183052533791/Choosing_The_Right_Mens_Leather_Jackets.jpg
9. I have reached levels of procrastination that should be impossible.
10. Main character is losing. Villain is 10x more powerful than him. Main character thinks about his friends. Main character does the exact same attack. Main character is 100x more powerful now. Attack that was useless before kills the villain. Power of friendship bullshit
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Hnhn. I understand people switching for health reasons. My oldest sister had to go vegetarian due to her body reacting poorly to a kind of fat/protein in pork and beef. Or at least that's what she claims.
20 Questions
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
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20 Questions
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
1. Hard to say...I like a lot of fruit. But I guess I'd say watermelon or pineapple
2. I'm technically plant based now, but more so because my Mom changed to that for health reasons when me and my siblings were younger. I don't mind healthy foods, but it needs to be seasoned good enough for me to eat lol
3. It's between a flute, saxophone, piano, violin and Chinese instruments. But I just love the sound of many instruments tbh
4. Hm? I don't know if I have names, but almost any yandere, tsundere or really pervy character I'll dislike
5. Most of the countries I want to visit are high in witchcraft, abuse, violence and etc. So I'd say you don't need to pay me lol
6. Six. But we are childhood friends and because of life we don't get to speak or see each other much anymore, other than that my family are my friends
7. I'd say yes. But I do want to learn that skill more by learning different types of cuisine
8. I don't have bath towels, well, the one I personally have I don't fold lol. I hang it up on a hook so it can dry whenever I use it
9. I enjoy warmer weather with a nice cool breeze, enough clouds in the sky to admire but not block the sun. But I also love thunderstorms
10. I don't remember or know
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I'm sorry to hear about her health issues :(. But I still do and can eat meat it's just not as often as I may like and such
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Hm Interesting. You have a point about One Punch man, but then I only know it from memes and it gives me hope that I won't be a completely horrible mangaka someday........ ;u;
I actually agree about the weather... I don't know about enjoying the suffering of others, but I love to be humbled by nature. I guess.
20 Questions
Ghost @kuharido
commented on
20 Questions
Ghost @kuharido
1. Do you have/do you want to have/adopt children?
I would like to but that might not happen. I am terrible with romantic relationships. Maybe in the future I'll get a few designer babies. Unless a miracle happens and I get a partner.
https://media.tenor.com/siAMSXcaDoYAAAAC/non-non-biyori-renge.gif
2. What's the dumbest law in the place you live?(whether it's local or nationwide)
The crook Glen Youngkin blocked porn sites in Virginia. Which is dumb because people will get to them anyway. It's just more virtue signaling by Evangelicals. Currently the greatest threat to the USA. Never ever give any way to fundamentalists. They are the true parasites of history. All great empires fell cause of them.
https://media.tenor.com/ajBtDsnRLhoAAAAC/non-non-biyori-repeat.gif
3. Have you ever broken any bones?(your own, though... nah... that's a lot more complex to answer.)
No, none of mine. *knocks on wood*
https://media.tenor.com/4BeWg1k4_DIAAAAC/skeleton-anime.gif
4. Have you ever been in a physical fight?
Yeah, several. It's better to avoid them.
https://media.tenor.com/Q4xI3PaHxuQAAAAC/cute-fight.gif
5. Were you ever bullied as a kid?
Some attempts but they didn't last.
https://media.tenor.com/2C1HHrXGzbMAAAAC/anime-fight.gif
6. How are you at public speaking?
I do pretty well at it. I just use the nervous energy to fuel my speaking.
https://media.tenor.com/fDPSz0AcfO8AAAAC/sleepy-princess-in-the-demon-castle-nervous.gif
7. What sort of job would you like to have now that you're an adult?
I'd like to be a knight. That's the best job.
https://media.tenor.com/-CLp08lYyBEAAAAC/eishi-tsukasa-eishi.gif
8. Do you drive?
I do, I enjoy driving.
https://media.tenor.com/ceRw7O2NH90AAAAC/022106-tofushop.gif
9. If you do, what do you drive? If not, how do you get around?
A Lamborghini Sian FKP 37
https://i.ibb.co/mDMtJ4H/2021-Lamborghini-Sian-41.webp
10. Other than tea or coffee, do you have a favorite drink?
I like soda a lot with fruit flavored sodas being my favorite. I prefer sodas without caffeine.
https://media.tenor.com/5I0mSTyBY7YAAAAC/glurp-drinking.gif
1. What's your favorite fruit?
Blueberries
https://media.tenor.com/pSRRl7-xqBgAAAAC/chaika-anime.gif
2. Are you vegan, vegetarian, something else?
oh hell na, some of the most asinine people I have ever met. I don't mind if they do it for health. I knew someone who couldn't digest meat cause they didn't have the enzymes. It's the subculture I hate and 99% of them fall into that subculture. Especially if it's by choice.
https://media.tenor.com/R8jpdvSu5egAAAAC/food-steak.gif
3. Do you have a favorite instrument?
The piano, it's nice. Let me be clear I do not nor do I ever want to play an instrument. I hate everyone who plays instruments but I do like music.
https://media.tenor.com/Uj5523hzL54AAAAC/your-lie-in-april-piano.gif
4. Who is your least favorite anime character?
Saitama from one punch man. He ruins his own show. the Side characters are much more interesting than him. All he does is complain. He's literally a complaining Deus ex machina. Here is a gif of mumen rider infintely better than Saitama.
https://media.tenor.com/hVcVzPAJ5YEAAAAC/one-punch-man-mumen-rider.gif
5. Is there a country you would never want to go to unless someone paid you(maybe)?
Never going to North Korea. They have one of the highest rates of slavery, kidnappings, and man made famines in the world. FYI all famines in the modern world are man made. No famine should happen today. https://media.tenor.com/QJXGIcjDNSIAAAAC/beatrice.gif
6. How many irl friends do you have?
Too many
https://media.tenor.com/Hrci0Ak_DqUAAAAC/annoyed-fun.gif
7. Do you know how to cook?
Yeah, but I need to practice more.
https://media.tenor.com/_sVpnVd2qdEAAAAC/machikado-mazoku-shamiko.gif
8. How do you fold a bath towel?(personal preferences)
in squares by the corners.
https://media.tenor.com/JjJ_ysXSojUAAAAC/super-sentai-zenkaiger.gif
9. What is your favorite kind of weather?
Any type of weather that makes people panic and cry. It's refreshing seeing people suffer in this world that previous generations have tried to construct to be perfect crumble around them.
https://media.tenor.com/YUoC9GIEU6gAAAAC/anime.gif
10. What is the longest you've ever walked/traveled on foot?
That's hard to say I have walked a lot. In many places. If we're talking about one session I really couldn't say.
https://media.tenor.com/0fTk_l8NdGMAAAAC/1980s-anime.gif
