Letters to no one

"I've been stuck on you for so long that I'm not sure of my feelings of you anymore. I was always the one who chased after you. It's not love when we don't text, that's how it feels to me. I want to be the one to give you that heart-melting hug but maybe that person was never meant to be me. We don't have the chemistry that everyone seems to be talking about. Maybe the heart leaps progressed to something of caution against hurting you. Everything is so vague, you and me, a seperate entity. Unsaid words will eventually take a toll on us, you know? All these years and it still is unrequited love, isn't it? It's okay if you don't love me the same way that I do. It's okay so would you please stop adding subtle things in between the lines...expecting me to understand."

My head tells me that I want you completely gone and out of my life. But my heart can't live without you, but I have no choice in the matter now. I'll miss my only friend and lover, I do every single day. But I need to move on.

I'm sorry I'm probably incredibly clingy compared to your other friends, but you're probably the closest one I've had in years and I'm afraid that our friendship will slowly die off over the years as you become increasingly busy.

"I'm sorry I couldn't have been there for you when it counted most. I stay awake constantly every night haunted by what I could have done to help you when you needed it more than ever instead of ruining everything like I did back then. To be there for you proper instead of blindly doing what I thought was right and not looking at everything objectively. To hold you in my arms and tell you everything is going to be okay as many times as needed. I wanted to show you how much you meant to me, but I just couldn't find the words or the right actions when no mere words or actions alone could do my feelings justice and provide the evidence of truly proving that to you and shining through all the doubt. I wish I could've chased away your demons instead of becoming one to fight them off right in front of you. I'm a fool. An idiot lost in my own pride of wanting to be the hero when I just ended up being the villain instead. I suppose your metaphor of people being like rocks is correct; only the ripples I created when thrown into the water ended up being far more negative than positive like I had originally hoped they'd be. I am truly sorry for not taking everyone else's feelings into account instead of just yours and yours alone and letting my own personal biases control me. I've burned this mistake into myself since that day and will continue to use it to better myself and those around me in whatever way I can. I will continue to try and do the right thing, but I will also look at things from every conceivable angle before I act next time. I will use what you've taught me to improve the lives of everyone I can and even if I can't save everyone around me I will always try when and if I can/have the ability to do so. Should we ever meet again even if only for a mere moment, I hope that I can be a better, stronger person in your eyes."