Random thoughts...

I just saw a band called noisy goat. I miss Portland, goats all over.. the other side of the mountain it’s too cold. Ya I like goats I like goats.

Jiju in your walls, scurrying about, chewing on your wires and stuffs https://media1.tenor.com/m/ImynLRLHO_QAAAAd/deadlvrs-cat.gif

OMG WE GETTING A SECOND SEASON OF GRAND BLUE BABY!!! https://youtu.be/IuKxqWZg5q4?si=xtkZOGu4ulqJfdbb

Nothing is more frustrating than having a company double charge. I hope the bank drops it automatically cause I really don't feel like having to go through the dispute process. Also this is the second time Sheetz has done this to me which is why this ticks me off the most. I don't know what it is about their automated system, but it's had a bad habit of double charging me for gas.

Some days having these feelings back gets hard. It's like a double edged sword. Meaning, loneliness is also magnified along with every other feeling that comes with it. Starting to realize that my ex's family was right about me having bad genes. No matter how hard I work my ass off, that I'm still just some loser. Yeah, I got personality but that only gets you so far. I try my best to do right always towards others, and what I know is right. I'm lucky if I even get a message from someone in my phone when I wake up. I was so desperate to be loved by someone I let the best years of my life pass me by. Let someone manipulate me into being a crutch so they could heal then discarded away. Then years after going back out trying it hits me that I'm not desirable. I'm not super tall or fit or handsome. People walk past me without giving me a second glance when I even say "Hi" or "Have a blessed day". The loneliness is crushing me and I'm tired of it.

@solid_snake95 You know...sometimes it's said that people can attract how it is they A: act themselves or B: feel about themselves deep inside. Please, don't misunderstand me, I am in NO WAY blaming you for any hurt or pain that has been caused to you in your life, okay? Especially as I don't have the full picture on things that happened to you. But, how are you going to expect others to love you when you can't love or respect yourself? It's like the saying, "misery loves company", and sometimes people can attract those with just as many issues or problems as themselves in an attempt to A: feel any sort love (just like you) or B: feel empowered by hurting someone just as lost as themselves. I'm not saying this is your case...but, sometimes without knowing it, we can end up finding the wrong things for the right reasons out of such loneliness or even subconsciously how we feel about ourselves. You say that you aren't desirable, (and not saying you haven't) but why don't you be desirable enough for yourself? Why don't you love yourself enough to see the handsomeness and beauty within you? Sometimes in order to get progress, we have to deconstruct things we know or think we know, and from what it sounds like, you have been spoken about/over a lot in many negative ways by a person or people you thought loved you. It's bad enough that you've gotten it from them, so I hope you continue to keep pushing and trying to see yourself as a beauty and strong, because YOU ARE ALL THOSE GOOD THINGS. Even if you can't see it for yourself right now. I'm sorry if I have misspoken. I just am kind of passionate about that as I have my own personal issues with myself, and I always have to fight off certain thoughts either daily, weekly or monthly. Don't ever get tired of fighting for yourself, cause sometimes you is all that you have. I'm probably blabbing now lol. But, I hope you know that you are special and very loved. ❤️