(Female responses preferred) Guy becoming friends to get in a relationship?

My question (to the ladies)is What do you think of a guy who wants to become your friend in hopes of it turning into a romantic relationship? (AKA liking you before knowing you/being your friend, and hoping you'll go out with them.) As well as, if you learned that your friend only became your friend in hopes you will go out with them, Would you stay friends with them knowing their intentions?? After coming back from anime-fest, a LOT of the guys i have talked to have said that they talked to girls to become their friends, and that the friendship will either turn into a relationship or turn out that they will have a friend that is single and the girl they once sought after will hook them up. And even more have said "Well, when their relationship doesn't work out, i can take their place as a boyfriend". when they learned most had boyfriends or weren't interested, they stopped talking to them... __ A lot of the people who said that they would become a friend to get into a relationship from what i could see also only talked about their positive sides and how they are so amazing they were, leaving any negative trait about themselves to blame others for anything bad happening in their lives. So i just believe it is only those types of people. I would truly hate it if more ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ I personally think it's not only moronic to decide that you want to be in a committed relationship with someone you don't even know/ assume they are, but it is selfish to only become friends for that purpose. The problems that can come out of this is that if you lead them on to believe you like them, for you to only to change your mind when they get comfortable with you and see who they really are. you will end up hurting them because of your own assumptions of what they were. And a BIIIIG thing is not knowing what each other would want in a relationship. You may want to be romantic while they may want to have fun and create memories with friends.You need to talk out and get understandings and expectations of what you want the relationship to be. And for the person who is in pursuit of the other, you will set yourself up for emotion turmoil when/if they talk about who they have feelings for and it not being you. But if they find someone and it'd not you, but you still can be friends with them, then that's terrific. But it is just as bad as becoming friends with someone who has money in hopes they give you some. You're using a person's resources based on your own preferences as if they do not have any. ================================================================== TL;DR: you should be friends to be friends. Becoming friends for a date is like becoming friends with someone for their money. ===================================================================

I saw this when you first posted it but decided not to reply since it said females preferred. But since no one is answering I'll throw in my 2 cents. I'm not sure if you realize this but there are actually a lot of females who do the exact same thing. I don't support the idea of befriending someone specifically for a relationship but I can't deny that I haven't become friends with a person with the idea of a relationship sitting on the back-burner. I don't think you can compare it with money though, sometimes people want something far greater than a material possession.

That's usually the common way people date... You want to get to know the person before jumping into a relationship, that's just common sense.

Id say its the best way to get together with somebody really.. people speak of the friendzone like its something that cant be surpassed... however, I dont really believe it... its truly a turnoff as a girl to have total strangers hitting on you. You want somebody to be attracted to you, they gotta like you for you and not simply how you look... each relationship starts with a friendship. You get to know one another and see if there is something here... if there isnt something there, or if either party dont try... you remain as friends, but many friendships with the right cemistry can develop to more.

While I don't always 100% agree with the assertion that "guys and girls can never be just friends", I do feel there is some truth to it as well. The majority of my female friends are: a. GF/wife of one my male friends b. A lesbian c. Too young/old to realistically consider dating There's the minority that you could say I've clumped into the "friend zone" as well because of lack of attraction, personality, differing life path, etc. as well as a few who have done the same to me. Being a single guy who is looking for a relationship, almost any new girl I meet, there is going to be the potential spark of interest in the back of my mind. If I know they're single and what I might potentially be looking for in a significant other, I'm probably going to take steps to get to know them by becoming their friend and see where it goes. Honestly, it's human nature and how our society works when looking for a relationship and is perfectly normal. If a girl already has a bf, isn't interested in me/my gender, etc. then yeah, I'm definitely not going to be that douche and push things too far nor am I going to hold out hope things will change in my favor.

Relationships tend to work better and last longer when the couple start out as friends. As a guy I can tell you my best and longest relationships have all been with girls I started out with as friends. Dating someone you just met at a store or a bar or just hooked up with usually doesn't lead to long lasting relationships because you barely know each other and are moving to quickly to grow into a stable relationship.

I don't get the aversion to befriending someone with the idea of possibly getting into a relationship in mind. How else are people supposed to figure out if someone is even their type?

Ah, the platonic friend backdoor gambit. It's a pretty dick thing to do and it's also how you get friendzoned super fast. If you come at me like you want a platonic friendship, guess what that's gonna get you. A platonic friendship. This is a good article on why it's a pretty dick thing to do: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/12/problem-nice-guys/

As with most relationships; friendships, business, etc etc, its best to be honest of your intent from the bat. It is great to get to want to get to know them, but if you have any hopes of a chance if it being a relationship, it is better to clarify that is what you want. All relationships work best when you both share what you want and expect out of the relationship. It is VERY awkward when you take a dive only to figure out the pool wasn't even there. Or better off to say, its awkward when you befriend someone for a relationship and to find out they aren't even up for one or even no longer willing to be a friend because of it. ================================================================================================================ When i asked around, a lot of girls started off by saying how, "[They] rather be told that's why [a guy/girl] wanted to be friends with them. that's just something that is expected even from friends. [They] find it unsettling when someone becomes their friend and later learns that they were romantically interested and that that romantic interest was what pushed them to want to be friends. [they] wish that people would be friends and THEN let feelings blossom, not the other way around, because it is harder to justify why you had feelings for them before even knowing them as to a friend. But it's selfish to be a friend just for something without even knowing the other's preference or what they really are. You aren't really thinking what [they] are wanting. but at the same time, that's not something [they'll] share to their friends most of the time. It really makes [ them] think if it's the approach you take with everyone you like [making them feel less special/different from someone else you liked]. if [They] are going to end up being a bitch for not feeling the same, [they'd] rather know from the start instead of becoming close and thinking that people want to genuinely want to be friends. Unlike in anime [manga, tv shows etc] females aren't as comfy or desperate for romance in the "nerd realm"" this was a more proper (and approved by those who put in their 2 cents on the matter) rephrasing of what 27/32 girls i asked on Myanimelist, Cosplay.com, and a few other anime social sites have said. When it comes to females in the "nerdy" side of things, you have to realize that dating tends to be something that doesn't come into their interests as much as the nerdy thing that they like. When romance comes into play, most get very uncomfortable, not sure on what to do and can completely withdraw from everything in the fear of hurting someone's feelings. When you're a friend first, you'll make them feel like they are a friend, that they can be who they are and not have to worry of discomforting you. And most women would prefer to have their significant other as an extremely close friend with the emotional support and comfort of a significant other. Most people (guy AND girls) will befriend someone in hopes of relationship, but you can obviously tell because they really don't try to be friends with their friends and will bend over backwards to please the person they are interested in. Most of the relationships that i have seen that has been healthy and happy from both parties have been those that you could almost mistake the relationship as a friendship. And as to the money remark, at least the money is an object. they can either give you the money and you never talk to them again or stay friends after the money exchange happens. When you become friends with someone in hopes it turns into a relationship, you are hoping a person will be committed to you and not consider if you are even good for them. (which wanting commitment is completely fine and is expected for ANY relationship. friends or otherwise) As a person with 3 strong years under the belt, you gotta think in their interest first if you want them to choose you. and when you hop into a relationship with these standards and wonder how it didn't work out, you will end up getting the same results over and over. ============================================================================================================= TL;DR: When you become someone's friend, expect just friendship. wanna be close, you're gonna have to be a good friend. want a relationship? You gotta be honest of your intent before befriending. Don't friendo to be husbando No one wants a m night shyamalan twist in terms of their emotions.

I say its fine ! But if you get to pushy it can be uncomfortable. I had a friend that would just hit on me constantly even when i showed no interest at all, it got really annoying and i didn't even want to be his friend anymore. He acted like I owed him something for just being his friend. Worst case scenario you get a new great friend if you don't get together c: