Rue

I think the answer is authenticity from both parties: When a partner wants me to change something, I look into myself and ask, is this a change that I want? If I agree with them, I will change, not for them, but because it makes me a better person and they helped me or challenged me to grow. If I want a partner to change something, then they look inside and ask if that change is true to their beliefs and values. If it's something I consider part of my identity and don't want to change it, then I won't. Same for them. The base line is if I can't make myself happy, I'm in no business making others happy. No one wants to live a lie. The stuff we won't change the other either learns to accept or we lose resonance and part ways and move on being happy ourselves.