Mommy’s Random Thoughts

(8:23 AM Thu.) This is why I don't go out of my way to find anime I like...I found out like at...3-4 o'clock in the morning that season 2 of an anime I like came out. Well, I've been up for 4 or 5 hours watching this second season, and I'm almost done with it!!! I don't want to finish it so soon but I know I will! I'm literally on the second to last episode now, but I had to stop watching it since my earphones battery died (I don't want to wake anyone up with the show playing out loud). I hate-love finding shows I like, it's like a frenemy, I hate how good it is that it makes me binge it but I also love how good it is because it makes me binge it! https://media.tenor.com/5CEw_IMGIfUAAAAM/anime-crying.gif

(11:14 PM Thu.) Well...I finished that season 2 of that anime I said I was watching this morning. I flipping finished it in one day!!! It's my fault though for not having enough self-control to not watch it XD. Besides that though my twin scared me. I forgot she was in our room sleeping and I heard a light snore and was wondering who the heck that was XD. Luckily I remember in enough time as to not assume it was a ghost or something lol, although if it was a ghost I wouldn't care in the end

(3:52 PM Sun.) I really want to go watch my second eldest brother play FFVII Remake (we've been going through it together), but I'm so tired and might just take a nap and watch him later when I wake up. But at the same time I should probably do it now since it will be pretty quiet in our house since my parents are going shopping, my siblings will be upstairs and downstairs in their rooms and whatnot...but I also really love sleep and want to lie down XD

(1:47 AM Tue.) I really hate that about myself. I have so many things I want to say to someone, but I overthink things and end up not saying it in fear of saying the wrong thing or putting it in a way that sounds good to me, but in the end it wasn't of much help at all. I have been sad and stressed as of late because someone I hold very close to me might be doing something harmful to themselves...and I just want to bring it up, but I know how this person works. They tend to get upset, closed off and moody when I bring stuff up that they have been stewing on that bothers them, and I don't always jump in as some situations people need to think upon and deal with in their own time. I only bring their thoughts up when it's getting to them really badly, but now it's like I have so many things to say and I don't know how to say it to them. This person I love doesn't think I know about the stress and the depressive thoughts, but I do, I pray for them so much but I want them to know I'm physically here for them as well. I have been crying to myself recently about this issue (heck! I'm even crying now) and I don't want to scare them away by what I want to bring up. This is probably too TMI...but I wanted to get it out in anyway possible

Letting them know you are there is plenty. You don't need to bring up any of your worries, unless it's something you CAN intervene on. If it's pertinent to say something, use tact and just talk in a way that's not judging, but caring. They may not consider whatever it is as harmful. If it's knowing or believing they're having "intrusive" thoughts or they just seem really depressed, offer to hang out or do something with them, if you can. In those dark moments, sometimes it's just a little light that's needed. Be an ear, a shoulder if need be and be present. Also, don't neglect yourself if whatever it is, is also effecting you in a negative way.

@yaasshat Thank you, Ya-Ya. I'm always there for them and I know deep down they know that I am (they know me just as well and know I don't say serious things to someone without kindness/care or thinking about it a lot first)...I'll just come out and say that the thing they may be doing is self-harm. I have been trying so hard to think on how to bring it up, but I always end up overthinking as I don't have proof they are doing that to themselves. But, even though my vision can be bad lol...I am not blind, they get jumpy when I notice the cuts/marks/scratches and I want so badly to bring it up and ask or something because those intrusive thoughts (that I know they have), have started to make them even more sad or prone to outbursts. But I start to worry that maybe I'm really just imagining it or overthinking it (they keep telling me they don't know or that it was an accident. They claim it's their clumsiness)...but I just have this feeling that something isn't right. I really want them to know I'm here and that they aren't alone...I never mentioned it to them before, but one time my intrusive thoughts pushed forward and I did start to think about what death would feel like or what harming myself felt like. I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time Ya-Ya, but this has really been bothering me and I (as per usual) overthink things and doubt myself to the point I never say anything :(

I figured that's what you were alluding to, self harm. Again, there's not much you can do other than just be there for them. While I've never done that, self harm, I've known PLENTY who have and this is the most important part " I really want them to know I'm here and that they aren't alone...". That doesn't take prying, just caring. Really, it's a journey that they must face, but they don't have to do it alone. If it's really bad, figure out ways to suggest they get professional help, if they aren't already. Talk to others if you need to vent and don't feel like you need to help them by yourself. Mental health is tough and it can(As is evident.) effect you, too.Stay positive for them and yourself.

@yaasshat I already got that covered ^^. I feel a bit better now after talking, thank you so much ^-^. I feel a bit more relaxed seeing you type that...the things you are suggesting are things I have done and are still doing...that is a relief to me in a sense

(3:51 AM Fri.) Baby brother hung out tonight with my twin and I. He managed to get me to play a shooting game...and boy do I suck at those XD. Luckily he was feeling kind and didn't put it on online mode and just let me play against computers, I became a sniper (a very slow one lol) and shot people in the head and neck. I also used a rocket launcher and blew someone up, so that was fun! It has been so long since I played a shooting game, since I was 8-11 was the last time I tried a shooting game I believe. But I got 13 or something kills, which is pretty good to me! I moved so slow though and just immediately felt bad at thinking if I was an actual sniper, how I'd get my team killed from how slow I move...and my bad eyesight XD https://media.tenor.com/2XF_Bn3uFLwAAAAM/ako-tamaki-netoge-no-yome-wa-onnanoko-ja-nai-to-omotta.gif