Bad thoughts, bad state

How does one go about fixing an off an on bad mental state. Like I know the obvious answer is for me to go talk to a therapist and vent to a non family member non friend but like my mind gets distraught and really horrid a lot of times over some things I really don’t like to talk about. Cause it’s like the impending fear of judgement even though I’ve been trying to self correct to no avail. Like sometimes it’s to the point where I can’t function for hours on end, makes it hard to focus even just sit and calm down and takes to long to. Sometimes it feels like a pain in my chest or my head feels really off/odd. I’m not sure how to deal with this tbh, it’s something that pops on an off as much as my moods. Usually emotional investment from something flips the switch sometimes not. How do I reset my mind cause I try distracting myself but it never really solved the problem. It also becomes increasingly hard to not stop thinking to the point where I can’t sleep and other things. Idk how to fix this, it’s not like I’ve even gone through anything that I haven’t already resolved tbh which is why this always feels shitty.

Change your routine. If you keep doing the same things day in day out you'll never get any better. Seriously you'll NEVER get any better. You need to change things. Remove yourself from your vices. Moving place is a really good change too. Rearrange furniture in your house, stop using the computer go outside it's so beautiful AGGHHH get a job / get a different job stop being gay, start exercising drink a waterble eat vegeter

I would make an appointment to a counselor though I’ve been really really busy. Though I have been cooped up and very not much outside for a while cause of weather.

what the above have said mostly I'd like to add another point to mindfulness though. Meditation really helps, backed by science and all. What I've learned is to look at these thoughts and feelings, as what they are - just thoughts and feelings. Aiming to 'rid' yourself of feelings like that directly will perpetuate them even more when they appear and you feel you failed. Dwelling on them and worrying about them will only add to their momentum and strengthen them, as well as potentially lead to GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), where you worry about worrying and the feelings appear with no visible cause. Then come anxiety attacks, panic attacks, all that jazz and shit gets scary xD A technique called noting comes in handy from what I see. When a thought or feeling appears, just notice it straight away, label it as a thought or feeling, from a sort of third-person perspective ("oh.. feeling") and let it go the moment you do, bringing your attention to your task at hand again, instead of allowing it to take over and consume you. Don't feed into it, but don't ignore it either. Notice it, label it and.. let go. Headspace has it in eg. their anxiety course and overall it's a great place to learn it, but you could give it a shot just like this I guess too. Either way, with anything, the change won't be instantaneous, it needs work and time, but... keep at whatever you try to do! You won't find a per-say 'reset' button, as it's working on changing your habits and outlooks, but... you can do it! Don't put yourself down for feeling/thinking things as you have no direct control over them. You can however change the way you see the whole situation and the way you act in regards to the thoughts and feelings. That’s where you power lies, and… that’s all you should hold yourself accountable for!

One of the big issues is though one side of me is extremely negative and the other postive both extremely analytical. I am aware of how I feel and things to solve it yet at the same time the self hate and the extreme postive kinda make me shut down tbh. Sometimes I end up with a blank mind for an extremely long time not thinking about things where I overthink but also try and be postive it cancels out and I get distracted by what ever though I end up becoming really afterwards till it builds up agan. I’ve tried meditating and that but it’s really hard to sit still and have watched motivational things and stuff like that but I have a hard time focusing even if I try and incentivize self to. Plus trying to vent through my art or music almost never goes well cause it’s usually hindered by over thought.

Mmm, give Headspace's free week of basic meditation a shot if you hadn't. It starts with like 3 minutes of meditation per day or something, and has neat animations explaining things. I tried meditating before too, but was going around it not exactly the best way, not knowing how to go around it. Motivation... I feel motivational videos are mostly just feel-good dopamine shots that leave you feeling a high, that is only temporary and illusive. Dedication and habit is where the real beast hides. You need to know why you're doing it, and really want it, not have some person tell you about how much you want it or should want it or how good it is once you do. And most of all, stick to it. Venting through music... may help some, but it can also lead you to perpetuate the problem if you swallow yourself by the emotions you're venting. And about the ups and downs, I kinda feel you. Had something a little similar. Self hate... well, I don't quite know what reason you have for that, but... it's worth looking at. Positivism is good I guess, but can also leave you worse off if it's based in unstable optimistic perceptions when they shatter in the face of reality. I would say objectivity is key and something to try to work towards.

Well that’s the issue sometimes I’m not entirely an emotional person at all, and I am extremely analytical and objective when it comes down to it. I just have a sense of loss where I’ve even written down al, the things down I’ve felt.

I also have head voice what ever things and very strange like visual thoughts, and have a hard time remembering dreams. It’s been hard to fix somethings cause I get extremely forgetful to the point somethings don’t even feel like I’ve experienced them at all. Lots of odd things like that Where one second completely emotional or very hyper focus or what ever the next second can’t remember what I was saying yet remembers very rarely but it will be a month later or something. Sometimes leading to also thoughts where I Don’t want to not do something or do something. Lots of blankness