Suicide

Yes. My life has been shit since I was born, basically grew up in hospitals. But I overcame almost all of that to just move into adulthood and figure out that things really don't get better. I was tempted with love that I might prove that wrong....but I only ended up worse in the end. I'm not strong enough to ever kill myself. I've never tried but I'm damn close. I just can't do that to my family after everything they've done for me. So I'll suffer till I find something that makes me happy or not.

Yes, yes and yes. Considered it, planned it and attempted it. None of which I'm proud of looking back at it, now I see it as a selfish act. At least for me personally. I saw how I destroyed the heart of the family that had raised and loved me through it all. I have considered it since but never planned it out as such. Of course things get tough but I'm of the mindset now that I'm working on myself, supporting my family and getting my shit together. It's certainly taken long enough lmao.

In short...yes. Am I proud that I thought things like, "I wish I were dead" or "Everyone would be happier and better off without me"? No. I was feeling so depressed, so unwanted. I questioned if I was a giant mistake in the eyes of everyone that I'd ever known. What stopped me from doing it was actually a few lines from a song called "We Are Ignited" by NateWantsToBattle. "You pray and hope for better days You're just a kid who lost his own way Forget the enemies you've made You're not a shadow, you won't fade."

I have many times they still come and go, there are times I still think how easy it would be to be gone that nobody would care or miss me. often time I wonder why i'm even on this earth and there are days where I just sit in silence and think how quick it would be to run my car off the road or take too many pills. hell in college I would walk out at night without my phone not telling anyone hoping something would happen to me