Vent

Trying to get over my first breakup with my first boyfriend. He broke up with me bc he’s very stubborn and that’s the kind of person he is, and I begged and chased bc that’s the kind of person I am. I know that this is a life experience and I’m young but it’s really hard when your the one not ready to let go. The bad thoughts I should be having to forget him are muddled by the thoughts of missing what I’m already so used to. I literally feel like I’m going crazy it’s so annoying.

Nothing seems to going right and all I can do is cry when the kids aren't looking and try my damnedest not to let that frustration flow onto them... Fucking fail all around. Sure, I'm feeling sorry for my ass, but damnit... When do I get mine or can I even do that much?

Never. Ever buy from fucking wallmart marketplace. Lord forbid if they ship you the wrong fucking item because of their wild fuckin west marketplace filled with sellers wanting to fuck over wallmart by sending you a cheap knockoff, then in turn you have to get fucked over because you have to deal with their fucking customer service returns seven layers of hell where you have to talk to a ladder of fucking 5 OR MORE managers whose job it to make things take even longer to get anything done. God help your pitiful soul anybody who steps into the customer service area. Every time I step foot on the property of a Wallmart, my disdain for humanity grows just a little bit more.

Father saying I'm lazy is sometimes correct, yet looked at as rude by others. People avoid him just to seek positivity no matter whether correct or incorrect. Cousin saying I'm not lazy is about the same direction as what father wants me to go toward, but in a reassuring tone. Me being considered "most beloved" sometimes feels like a fairytale when others in the family are obviously doing "better". Favoriting everyone equally is deep conformity. "Why can't you be like them?" VS. "Comparing is meaningless!" Being sincere is way more difficult than being ironic.

I honestly wish i could go back in time. I hate my past self for putting me through this nightmare. Why did i ever think it was a good idea to come to Alaska. Here where I only have one dealership in town so they can charge out the ass for everything. Tire change, oil change? Thats gonna be one grand. Oh you already have the tires? Still one grand. Shoveling like 4 feet of snow every 2 weeks. No good food or variety around here. Everywhere the rent is almost 2k. Cant even go shopping anymore. I used to look forward to shopping but these days thats such a chore for me. Everytime I can expect to spend $100. With inflation groceries look like $160 rn compared to 2022 when i got here. The job sucks ass, i keep getting screwed over by the people in charge. 2025 cannot come any sooner i swear, first chance i get imma get tf outta this place.