Writing is a need.

A long time ago I started writing. A long time ago I stopped. When I was little I used to write stories in the back of my English book. I didn't even know it until I looked in the back of one, and read an old report card that said I was very creative. I never really nurtured that talent. I dreamed of other things; being a vet, a marine biologist, an archaeologist. During my early high school years, since I was a loner, I spent my time reading or writing. I read books and fanfiction, I wrote idle stories, all left unfinished, and fanfiction, mostly unfinished. I bounced spontaneously from one to the next, never stopping to think about the one I left behind. University brought about a choice. Towards the end of high school I recognised the will to write, but rejected it. I was told 'You'll never be an author. Choose something to fall back on.' I chose Ancient History and Archaeology. I was a failure. I could never remember the dates, I found the facts boring and there weren't enough myths and stories to keep me interested. I realised I should have gone with Creative Writing from the start, and so I swapped and did an extra year. Somewhere during that degree my creativity faltered. I lost most of my urge to write. I rejected my own creations and sought comfort in fanfiction. I wrote some of my best and most intricate stories, still unfinished for the most part. Why couldn't I focus on my own stories? Was it the realisation that those around me had so much more talent? Was it that I could see their voices were heard above mine? I didn't want anyone to read the stories I wrote. Was it fear of rejection? Fear that my writing wouldn't be good enough? My characters and their struggles unrecognised? It was too much responsibility. As a writer your creations rely on you to be heard. If you're not good enough their stories are lost. If you write a story and keep it to yourself your characters, your worlds, will die with you. They can only be recognised and accepted if you share them with someone else; one person, a thousand, a million, it doesn't matter, but someone else must acknowledge their existence. People will say 'stories are just words on a page', but they're not. A writer gives life. To people. To worlds. To universes. They're not just words. What brings people to tears is not words. It's the struggle; the emotion of the characters in that small enclosed world. I have so many characters, so many worlds, trapped inside, waiting to be freed, waiting to be acknowledged. I'm not ready. I can't handle this. It's too big a responsibility. How can I write down all the details in my head? How can I make my characters heard? How can I bring my worlds to life? It's no good. I can't focus enough. I can't write the words. I can't settle into the story. My words won't flow. They're trapped; ensnared by hesitation, caught by fear, swallowed by apathy. I haven't worked on my own stories for maybe seven years. I haven't properly worked on any fanfiction for maybe five. My worlds and characters are in the dark. Will they die with me? Half written fragments in a computer? Dusty forgotten notebooks? I've never had the will for all the leg-work involved in writing. Research. I can't hack it. You can't build a world on nothing, but where's my interest in all this? Where am I in all this? Do I want to fade away to nothing? Of course not! I don't want to fade away, but how can I move forward? I don't want my stories, my characters, to be rejected. Is it fear of rejection that keeps me standing still? Is it really that simple? Am I trapped only by myself? People will say I'm not good enough. People will say my writing is too simple. People will say my characters have no substance. I reject it. With all of my being I reject it. I keep my stories tucked away, safe in my heart, where they can't get hurt, where they can't be corrupted by the influence of others, where they can't be lessened by my own poor words. And yet, a small part of me says 'Fight.' Fight? Fight. So your writing's poor. Who cares? So you won't be able to get the whole story out at once. Big deal! But I so hate re-writes. I never re-write. If you don't re-write no wonder the story gets lost. Am I willing to put that much work in? Are you willing to let your creations die with you? Or more importantly, are you willing to die with your creations? Creation is a two way street after all. You breathe life into your creations, and they give life back to you. It's your voice on the page, telling their story. Let it flow. Let it out. But the rejection. Reject it. Deny it. Refuse it. These are your worlds, your creations. Let them fly. And yet... I stand still.

I love this <3 It conveys all my feelings about writing! https://i0.wp.com/i109.photobucket.com/albums/n75/turokxz/anime-girl-writing.gif

That's beautiful and inspirational Manga. http://payload8.cargocollective.com/1/2/88547/2471543/prt_330x330_1373310558.gif

Everybody faces stand stills. You don't have to share anything with anyone. You owe it to yourself to take chances. How bad is the inner turmoil caused from not doing what you love? Are other people's opinions worth them robbing you of your future? I would say no. Other people should be worried about themselves. Facing criticism on a raw and sensitive piece of yourself feels like it is worse than death. One trick to dealing with that feeling is to practice, practice, practice. Getting good at what you do inspires confidence. Even if people are scathing with their criticism getting better despite those fuck wads is a badge of pride. They don't own you. Even if they read your story. I'm not going to say you should write out all your stories. But you should probably write the synopses of your ideas out on paper or type them up. Leaving all your treasures to your memory alone is a gamble. If you aren't feeling up to it just yet store them away. Anne Rice stored away plenty of her ideas. We got Interview With A Vampire out of it ( and the rest of the series). Actually if you are still feeling iffy about it... well SOMEBODY has a message for you.... https://media.giphy.com/media/wErJXg1tIgHXG/giphy.gif

@manga_bird :O I can't believe I never read this before. It sounded like you really poured your heart into that. If you still feel that way, I want you to know that reading that one post makes me want to support you in any way I can. Your words have substance; they can move people's hearts. I have a suggestion: Write down at least three names of people that have had a negative impact on your writing. Think back to those times and places. Write what you felt then. Those memories may be holding you back. Think about those people for a while, make fun of them, then rise above them. Think of people who have praised you and your work. Remember their compliments. Hold on to those. Hope that helps. ^.^

I did, and although I think more about my stories I still haven't started working on any of them properly. I really don't know that anyone has said anything negative about my work directly...the only person I've really spoken about them to is Sherflow, who is very supportive or them in general.

Oh, okay. I think I'm more or less in that situation too. This may seem like a dumb suggestion, but maybe what we both need is to just start writing. Even if what we write in the beginning is all trash, the momentum could result in some good progress. Also, the fear and doubt shouldn't hold you back if you recognize how enjoyable it is to put words on the page.

I find that as jack said, you have to force yourself. I mean, you have no time? Not even 15 minutes free in a day? But, I'm a hypocrite.XD It's been years since I just took the time to write and every once in a while, I get this overwhelming urge to write. When I do write, it feels like a release of creative energy, it's just a beautiful feeling for me. I have several books worth of poetry(literally), but they are just collecting dust at the moment.

Idk if this is topic related or not, but my hand writing suck!!!! I prefer to type up my thoughts on my private programs.