its very long, sorry. LDR issues

im 20 and shes 19. we'er in a long distance relationship. ive known this girl for 6 months and this is my first relationship. we argue every now and then. 95% of the time, she always gets mad and throws a tantrum. she always says these hurtful things like i dont understand her feelings. i always get so angry and pissed off but i dont say most of it knowing if i did she'll break down crying and hurt but if i do address it, its still not gonna make a difference. she turns it around on me someway. if she cant find a way, she'll literally say '' I dont believe you''. i tell her everything and so does she most of the times. i dont lie to her. here i think the issue is, shes american. shes had a long history of bfs. shes pretty and she dyed her hair to many colours when she was young so she had alot of boys who liked her. she mostly liked tall guys(shes 5ft2, im 6ft) long story short, shes beautiful, she attracted alot of good looking guys whom she fell for and she got done bad. shes only been intimate with 2 people, the first one was 5 years older than her and the other 1 year. i know shes hurt from them because she told me all of them didnt end well, especially the long one. ill give a brief on the last one. before getting into a relationship with me, earlier 2015, she got into a relationship which lasted for 2-3 months with this one guy who had a gf but was having an affair with her. they hung out. she said he always gave her all of his time and he said the right things to her. what broke her down was when she found out on one of his social media accounts that he had a girlfriend. she stalked a bit more and she confirmed he had a gf and he was using her. she contacted the girl on her social media with their text messages and all and she said they girl said shes lying. she was shocked and it hurt her self esteem. I come from pakistan and since i was 14-16, i had family issues and immigration issues( my whole family was here and i got left behind in a hostel). i got sexually abused by different men, which left me depressed and all. my family still doesnt know. after i turned 16 ive been living in the london with them ever since and i wasnt interested in dating at all because of my shitty past. i dont feel homo or asexual but i just lost interest in making friends, partying and dating. i hope all of this information explains about us. so i randomly found her and after a month or so, we became official but after 2 months or 3, we started arguing and this has been going on ever since. right now we got into another argument which pushed me to ask help here. how it started is we were just talking and she suddenly giggled randomly, i asked whats funny in a normal tone, and she told me ''nothing, just something on insta''. i asked her to tag me, she did. it was a diamond ring. i coughed and said so who's gonna pay for it as if im being a tight ass, in a funny manner and she said someone else but you, i replied well then it seems ill have to find someone too and she goes really ?and she got upset. she stopped talking to me and when i tried talking to her, she ignored me when i tried talking to her. i am pissed off that i cant even joke because we literally talk rudely of others, our comfort levels are extremely high. a normal conversation can turn into a sex talk but she just picks up these random arguments which make me wonder what am i missing.i tried talking to her twice and all she does is saw bitter stuff about how i don't understand and all. i feel compared but i don't wanna say it. i have said it once in the past that i feel compared(this is before she told me everything about her past) which she even got more butt hurt about that i think wrong. shes only told about her issues to me and shes never loved someone. i keep on trying, when shes upset. i cant stay mad at her for too long, even when i'm upset and if i get upset, like last time, and i didnt talk to her for an hour, and when i did talk to her, tried to play it cool. she got mad at me because i wasted an hour but whenever she gets mad a day or two go to waste. our feelings are very strong. just these arguments. another example is I was about to leave for work and she was with me on Skype. as I am getting ready she asks what was that noise ? me in my room alone I said nothing because I'm literally putting my socks on and she got upset over it as if I'm lyingoing, I told her that it wasn't anything and she kept giving me crap like this isn't fking going to work out. getting angry is fine, everyone does that. But she takes it to I don't care level and says stuff like we aren't working out or I don't understand her feelings. It hurts a lot. I never badmouth her whenever she's saying all of it to me because when I open my mouth, she breaks down crying and it's not that I'm savage. I literally say you're not believing me, not that I can help it, help yourself. This is the extent i go to. I tell her if you have trust issues, I'll be there to soothe you, we can take our time but she turns around and calls it contradictory. It sounds so awful and I'm not trying to badmouth her but I'm simply saying how it is. I am tired of this but I want to get over this stage of arguments or not make them that worse where it breaks her down. I don't break down normally but twice she has taken it to "we're not gonna last" and it made me cry and from there she apologised and said she just finds this unpleasant and she won't leave me. I need advice on this. should I let it be and always Just listen and not talk back because I've done that and after a long time(day or two) she realises I'm feeling down and then she cheers up and talks to me and things go fine. I've also tried arguing with her and within reason, I get loud but I don't swear. It just wastes times but we get over it. She doesn't hold anything against me but for the sake of the argument she just says it. I fear one day this getting out of hands because I have never brought up us not working out but she has a couple of times. I fear she might give up because she tends to when something gets hard for her. i don't doubt her commitment. I just don't want her to suffer because I don't like her wanting to be alone and saying no one understands her because I'm the only person she's shared all of her life secrets with.

Dude, I read the whole thing and I just don't really know. It doesn't seem like you're doing anything wrong or that there is something more you could be doing. LDRs can turn into an emotional roller coaster. Just ask yourself. What are you plans for the future with this girl? Are they realistic? Perhaps this girl is feeling the frustrations of an LDR and subconsciously wants to get into fights with you so that it can justify an ending of the relationship.

Every guy I've ever known who has gotten into long distance relationships has had issues with them, and it's always the girls who loose interest and/or find someone else. As a guy if you enter into one you have to remember other guys are gonna be hitting on her all the time and tempting her, meanwhile you're not around to give her attention and physical interaction she might be craving. It's very hard to trust women in these kind of stations so you'd be much better off playing it safe with local girls and avoiding that mess in the future.

Arc pretty much nailed it. It is not healthy I know. But given the distance between you and her,it is inevitable. If a girl doesnt feel safe, she is bound to do that. Sadly. Yeah.Now To work out, both of you must equally give efforts to make this relationship worthwhile. Both should support one another and be there for one another. Both should be equally committed not just in words but in actions. Both must show love and not just care. Both must always appreciate. You say so much yet you dont do much or your words contradicts your actions thats why she does have a ground why shes whining things like that. Or...she already pointed out special things to you before and you just completely ignored it or you still went with things you knew that could hurt her ...so boom! The negative feelings blew up. Though I feel bad for you in a way too,because you do care about her. Lemme just say this though, shes trying to fight the voices in her head, shes doing her best to hang on and she also doesnt want you out of her life. It is just maybe what youre doing is not enough. So it is up to you whether you still wanna continue or give up . Youre young and youre only human too who have been through a lot.More importantly xD hey, do things only from the heart when you do it. If things become a chore then...it is not love at all xD Anr if it is not love then...just end the relationship for the sake of the both of you. Dont mind me. Just a rambling of a stranger.

I have to be honest. I read maybe 25% of it. You have things to do. She has things to do. End of story. Your relationship will work itself out somehow, if it is worth any grain of salt. You may care, but her issues are hers, not yours. If you cared, and she was not positive to that, you don't have to stand the negative abusive behaviors. I still don't know the whole story, not that I should, just my two cents. There will be other days and other better things to use your time on. This is coming from a guy who poured his heart out over 8 years and a kid to boot, so I feel like I got some cred. It's not worth the crap and there are other things to worry about like your health, your happiness, the important people around you. =)

Just read your post. It sounds very familiar to my relationship with my ex. I whined all the time. But I had reasons. He leaves me behind everyday, multiple times. He gets 'down' to the point he doesn't want to talk at all (and here I thought I was the depressive one.) The biggest problem is that he plays games all day with his friends and never asks me if I wanted to join him. He rarely wanted to call, because he was 'afraid' to do so. I was really taken for granted. I gave him everything and wasted mamy hours on my life waiting for him to finally spend at least an hour of time with me. Never happened. This had been going on for like 3 months (which is how long the relationship lasted) and yesterday he dared to tell me he lied about loving me. It made me so angry. But oh well. Couldn't do much about it, he doesn't care anyway if I tell him how I feel. So yeah, that's my latest story. I felt really insecure in the relationship. Maybe she did too? Are you spending enough time with her? Do you honestly understand her or do you just force words down her throat? My previous relationship went even worse. The guy always had to be a smartass and thought he did everything and literally everything right, and never believed me. I always had to let him 'win' the arguments and whatnot. I feel like I'm the guy in the relationship LOL. But then again, I don't know what you're like. I assume you're trying to help her but she's not letting you in. Really weird. Maybe she got hurt about something and just bottles it up? But from what I've read, the relationship is unhealthy. Mine weren't either. And they both ended. I guess there's your answer?

Sounds unhealthy to me... I've had a lot of unhealthy relationships to the point where I gave up for a bit... Now I'm just uncertain about them cause the guy doesn't seem to be understanding... Take a step back and just put some thought into it. If you can handle more arguments then there you go