Give me your best pun!

One pun per post, make it painfully punny.

Eeeeh, I'll give it a go. What's the best way to get an English major in the mood? Metaphorplay.

My mechanical cousin recently developed an addiction to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

"What’s the difference between a mallard with a cold and you? One's a sick duck, and I can't remember the rest but your mother's a whore." Not a pun, but I giggle

Somebody stole my favorite coat. I wish they didn't jack-et.

Hoo boy, I've got a ton. Here's one off the top, though. "Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? Good thing it was a soft drink."