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Liking the idea, not the person?

amdarely
So, I know I'm not the only person who has had this problem, but how many people have had to "break" someone's heart because they like the idea of you, and not you for you... It's starting to really annoy me, and does anyone know a way around this?
blackmage
I dont think thats possible because liking the idea of being with someone is like a shield that leaves you comfortable and thats natural when you are first step learning a person. The hard parts come after.. if you can accept the "real" person.
alexislynn
I used to have a problem telling if I liked someone because I genuinely did or if it was just because they liked me. Unfortunately I have been the cause of many heart break because of that, though I never let it get so far as me becoming their girlfriend ^^" It was always just because they liked me. I finally figured out the difference between the two now since I genuinely like my boyfriend :) Otherwise I wouldn't be dating him.
the_geeky_panda
No easy way out of it, someone is going to get hurt if the feelings aren't there at the right spot on both sides.
prismmiracle
Oh my gosh...This recently happened to me and it's an awful feeling. It makes me feel more angry than upset. Like I'm a fool or something. x.x
momoichi
interesting o.o iv had that feeling before with men
tornadomushroom
How does someone distinguish if it's only the idea of you? You can assume that its Infatuation, Fantasizing or whatever you want but everyone does that when they like someone. I don't think it's really something you can be able to tell considering you have no idea if they are really liking the "IDEA" or if they really actually like you anyway. None the less, it's as GeekyPanda said, feelings are going to be hurt regardless. The only thing you can do as a person is NOT feed into their interests. Break their hearts before they get a chance to develop feelings for you or break their hearts after they've developed it. Lose-Lose situation, the earlier is better though. Time is valuable, it shouldn't be wasted. Again, just because they like the idea doesn't mean that they don't like you. The "Idea" is something everyone has if they're interested in someone. You'll meet someone on this site and you'll have ideas about them too. Does that necessarily mean that you don't genuinely like them also? It's a different story if you have ZERO interest for them though. Because if that's the case ;) what was our situation then? haha. But seriously, just chillax, we're on the internet. If this was IRL, then I would be able to complain because at least you can read body language and tone of voice and Face patterns etc.
amdarely
@tornadomushroom: Let me explain the entire situation then. I barely spoke 10 sentences to the guy, and I wasn't even going to respond to him at first because I didn't want to give him false hope. He kept sending me messages though, so I finally responded. I tried to make it incredibly obvious that I wasn't interested. When he still persisted? I flat out told him that I wasn't interested, and that the age difference of 12 years bothered me. He started telling me how I'd broken his heart, and getting upset saying that we were "great" together and such. So I'm talking about when I have ZERO connection and ZERO interest in them, and they keep persisting. @PrismMiracle: How right you are! I was just like, "...really? Really??" You DO know I have a choice in whether we are good together, right? @Alexis Lynn: I know that feeling! I second guess myself all the time when it comes to guys when they like me. It's the worst part of dating... And just by the way, I'm glad you genuinely like your boyfriend because you two look absolutely adorable together! @BlackMage: Yeah, I guess that's true. I just wish we could come to the conclusion more quickly.
tornadomushroom
Haha, that helps when you explain the situation. Just ignore it then. If you've got ZERO interest to begin with, you shouldn't worry about breaking people's hearts. The only time you should worry is when you've shown interest also. And even then, sometimes that can't be helped. Just ignore and move on yo! Persistent people will stay persistent, there is nothing you can do about that if you've already rejected them haha.
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