Suicide

(Before I start, I'm NOT promoting suicide. If this subject is triggering for you, please read no more... I don't want anyone to be triggered by anything I say.) When most look in the mirror, they see physical imperfections. However, I look beyond my reflection. I see questions instead of my own reflection. I ask myself often things such as "What should I do with my life...?" "What is my purpose...?" and "Do I have a future on Earth?" To be honest, I don't see light at the end of the tunnel. I don't feel like I have a purpose. There's nothing that I can see myself doing with my life. However, I have to keep living. This is because "suicide is the coward's way out". I will admit, suicide does seem tempting occasionally, but I think about the people around me. I don't want their feelings to follow me to the grave. I don't want someone to feel like it's their fault I died. I don't want anyone to follow my footsteps. I don't want others hurt "due to my selfishness". What's your opinion on this matter? Is it really "cowardly"?

While I agree with everyone deals with a lot of the same shit, we all cope differently. It's all perspective... I thank you for reply.

My hamster killed himself. Oh god, pray for his little soul!!!

@reaeryn, I want you to know you're not alone on this. I've been through this from my teenage years til pretty recent. I understand that suicide is tempting sometimes but I hope you'll(and everyone else) get to truly live life and experience all the love that is still waiting for you out in the world. I've survived a terrible incident and right after I adopted a dog that changed my whole life after he died all the depressing feelings came rushing back but I couldn't give up if I had gave up before, I would have never met him and I can't imagine what else I am missing out in life. I'm pretty happy where I am at now, great friends great doggie babies all of the awesome otome games out there! >_< <3 Hey if you ever need to talk about anything shout me a PM we can talk anytime! :)

I feel I can understand exactly what you mean in your opening post, and while we all have different circumstances I am in the exact same situation. I have previously been open, outgoing and happy as all hell, but someday something "broke"... now every event is a dull repetition, every conversation a repeat of a previous one, every action is without effect and every attempt to change this has led me deeper into the rabbit hole without emerging in wonderland or having any way to nurish such an objective. Animal and human companions do nothing for me, there is no elated feeling of any kind, only the dull whirring sounds of the blatantly boring worlds all too obvious mechanics going about its business making other people find investment into projects and ideas, and i can have none of this, not because i dnot understand how the world works, but because i do. I have no motivation to exceed, no goals that i would want to complete, no desire i want fulfilled, only the sensation that i and everyone else is a hollow shell of lies and pretentious ideals. My way of dealing with this is Weed, Anime and games, putting my mind on pause from i wake up till i hit the sheets again, the odd days were i cant facilitate my need for distraction is spent punching furniture and yelling at random people on the train as i ride back and forth waiting to get sleepy enough to fall asleep... I'd love to live in a part of the world were there was actually something to worry about on a daily basis, would maybe give some resemblance of meaning to this dreary existance of mine... PS: no! there is no point to going out and finding trouble, if you seek out a problem it isnt the same thing by any extend as overcoming the challenges presented to you. Life in a 1st world country is really really really boring and uninspiring to say the least...