Confessions

Something I want to confess, only really told 3 people about this but Back when I got into my car accident in May, it really fucked me up psychologically. At a stop sign, my foot slipped off the break and went on the gas pedal, going forward onto an incoming car. I know it was a freak accident, but I know I was my fault in the end. I still do go to where it happened, and play it over and over again in my mind. When it happened, the other driver shouted at me that I could've killed them (their car was totaled, but they were okay). Those words still ring into my mind, and I've felt shame & guilt since, to the point I wanted to kill myself. I still don't know how to deal with that, and still hate myself for it. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself idk, but this is something I'm trying to move on from for awhile now.

I know the feeling and yes, you are being way to hard on yourself. It sucks, but things happen and all we can do is live and learn. The thing to focus on is that everyone IS okay and it was an accident. No sense in feeling shame or hating yourself. Again, accidents happen. A couple of months ago(About the same time, fellow crash buddy! lol) I got into an accident with a motorcyclist. Dude went into a slide to avoid hitting head on. Seeing him slide across the pavement with his bike following behind definitely put some fear into me. Luckily, he was wearing damn near a suit of armour instead of the normal shorts and short sleeve shirt most seem to wear and luckily he only ended up with a couple of fractures. It was literally just a variable here or there and I could've ended up with vehicular manslaughter charges instead of a $200 fine and a double increase in my insurance rate. But, I thank whatever you want to believe in that he is perfectly fine and I've even passed by him on multiple occasions, back on his motorcycle. Understanding that they are ok, that's the first step. Personally, it sounds like you have some PTSD from it and it might help to talk to someone. Don't suffer in silence over an accident and an accident where everyone ended up just fine, albeit shook up.

@redhawk I 100% agree with Yass on your predicament. It can be shocking the first time you get into an accident especially when you're at fault. However we all get through these challenging times by being grateful for what didn't go wrong. In this case everyone survived the encounter and that's what's important. Additionally most of us have been in a wreck at least once in our lives. I drive for a living and its terrifying even for me at times. I've been in two wrecks, one of which was my fault back when I was 18 driving my mother's car. It was 7 at night at a crowded intersection and I pulled out into an oncoming truck. I t-boned the driver side narrowly missing his door and instead smacking the wheel well. It was raining too to add to the tension. Finally I braved it to step out of my mom's car to face the older man that I hit. Trucks are expensive then as they are now and I was only working part-time at a grocery store The thought I was possibly going to have to pay for the damages despite having insurance in addition to explaining to my mother why I smashed her car wasn't fun. Yet that situation passed. The insurance covered the cost, plus the man I crashed into was a mechanic by trade who laughed it off seeing how young I was and having his own daughter recently be a similar accident. The cops were also very matter of fact about it, simply cutting me a ticket and reminding me to look both ways before turning. My mother also shrugged it off, so everything went back to normal. It was a learning experience with an unfortunate setback financially. Nothing more.

I confess I used to watch my dad sleep when I was a kid. He was really sick at the time and slept with some sort of mask that helped him during the night, I was always afraid he'd pass away (though I kept the thought to myself) and always watched over him while praying to God for help. The thing is that I don't think he was ever ill enough to the point of death? At least I don't think so, but I was afraid he'd die because of how much medicine he was on at the time and the mask during the night didn't help XD, neither did the sounds the mask made when he breathed through it.

How in the hell did asking "Was it like a cpap machine or something" get more hearts than @wei_ying post? lol rhetorical food for thought if you know you know confesstion(Confession question, duh.lol).