Confessions

*slaps* XD

@Bardal I feel for you, man. To be honest, your story got me a little misty-eyed. I think a lot of us have stories like that, and there's nothing worse than feeling like the one person who you thought would always have your back has just stopped caring. I promise it'll get better, and you're lucky in the sense that you're a young, handsome guy with a whole world of opportunities in front of you. Someone will come along, and while they'll never make you forget this girl; they will take a lot of that hurt away and show you the kind of love you deserve.

Thank you Shawnji, that really helps and means a lot.

Since I've been feeling like shit... Even though I have this huge pride and arrogance surrounding me when it comes to my skills, who I am... I actually have veery low self-esteem to the point it gets to sadden me from time to time. I feel ugly, like I'm not good enough so I can go from liking myself and then think: "Others don't really think I'm pretty." I've never been noticed as a pretty girl, not even once in my life. What people always notice in my life are my attitude, or how I think, how I behave, whilst they praise other people for their looks and stuff I never really was, not amongst my friends nor family. All they say is: "Oh yea, the smart girl of the family.". Strangers may say something, some compliments but due to my family never really accepting it and some family members always denying it in my face, I don't believe I'm attractive at all. My friends compliment each other, tell themselves they are not ugly and even I do but nobody seems to notice that also I have those insecurities and obviously if they never tell you things like: "You look good today." or something, you start thinking you are ugly. I mean seriously, my real life acquaintances neveeer do that to me. I will always believe that because as much as it sucks, humans always want the acceptance of others. And I just feel like no matter how hard I try, no one's ever going to notice how I look or how hard I try to look good so I just am like fuck it. I should study more then or exercise more so I'd distract people from my ugly face. I've actually thought that. So that's why I'm mostly a selfish bitch. Because if it was me relying in other people, hoping for them to notice me and not even my looks, actually the good deeds I do from time to time, I would be a greater person. World just doesn't deserve it. And that's how I feel right now lol I feel totally wrong so maybe tomorrow I'd be like: "Why was I like this?? Ew." lmao but this was triggered by something I saw today about my old friends... And the most important ones to me. I'll be fine probably. Just wanted to let it out for a bunch of strangers to see.