Desperation=Danger

So, I've come across this issue a lot. Not just here, but everywhere, even if it isn't a dating site. I may as well make a PSA, since it is in fact a problem. If you are actively seeking romance, because you're very lonely and desperate. 1. Your feelings are valid. You are entitled to them. It's understandable, you are going to be okay. 2. What you are *not* entitled to is taking those feelings out on others. One way this manifests is coming on too strong to someone. Especially if they state in their bio/about that they're either not looking, or a sexuality that can find such strong tactics averse. (aces, demis, etc.) In a girl's mind, desperation often means dangerous, mostly because we're being reduced to romantic conquest to fulfill your feelings of loneliness. That means we don't appear fully human to you. That's *not* your fault. We do it to ourselves, too. It's social conditioning, but it can be unlearned. Part of it is trying to get to a level of friends first before mentioning romance or at least ask if they'll leave the option open. Being open about communication is good but also making sure you're not moving too quickly. If you don't know what you really want, make sure you know that before diving into the dating pool. If you do know what you want, make sure you are okay with being just friends with girls, too. If for no other reason than having a girl as your 'wingman' is probably the best ally you can have to find a person who is right for you. *Be Patient* Good things take time. I know we want things to happen quicker, especially when you're feeling empty and alone. But you'll scare people away rushing anything. Sometimes those empty feelings are ones that cannot be filled with romance. So make sure you're content with yourself before making someone else put up with you. What will also help is learning the dark triads. Sometimes these behaviors are present in ourself aswell as others. Having self awareness is a powerful tool, and knowing what to look for in others will save you a lot of pain. Though finding out someone is a narcissist or sociopath does still hurt a little... Take time to care for yourself. Being kind and patient with yourself reflects into how you treat others. I hope that helps. If you have questions or comments, fire away. That's why this is public. I'll add and edit if/as there is new information. Overall, good luck to you. I really do wish you the best. And if you need help or feel particularly upset, you can always message me or ask me to message you.

Just a side note, people are WAY less likely to listen to my advice, probably because I'm not a girl, but so be it. Right. Now, I'm just gonna clear the air right quick. Have to disagree to the first statement, because every once in awhile... Love at first sight happens and works out. Like with me. Gives me the bragging rights, don't you think? But... for the love of god, please don't chase that fantasy. It's not worth betting on. It all comes down to luck. Now, luck and fate are often confused with one another, but let me assure you that luck is a perfectly valid reason for fate to play. Anyways. Dum-dum's advice works with more than just relationships. Think. How often do we me make mistakes because we neglected preparation? Even unknowingly to us. Trust me, I'm a huge procrastinator. I know how much it sucks. Always take advice for more than it's worth. You can find so much more meaning if you just take an extra few moments to think, even if you already know what you want.

I can see both points, but I mean even if you do feel a strong connection it doesn't mean that the other person does too. Being open to feelings is good, but needing to push your feelings ahead when the other person might not be ready isn't going to help in the long run. If you like someone, then talking with them and getting to know them is a rewarding process. If taking your time to get to know them doesn't sound like something you want to do, then you probably weren't that interested in them to begin with.

That more or less echoes what I would say to someone coming on to strong. Part of our problem as millennials and gen Z peeps is we were never told how human mating dynamics work, so we used fiction as our teacher instead. For those who are interested, according to evolutionary psychology, we are between chimps and bonobos. Here's the modern way to approach it. (And its more or less exactly what Yuuzora was saying). You start by getting to know em. Screen for red flags (Commitment issues, narcissistic or psychopathic tendencies, self awareness), and make sure they fit your ideal match. Make friends, not babies. For aces and dems, this can take months to years. We NEED that emotional connection to form sexual attraction much later down the road. When you are comfortable moving forward, start signaling your intent. 1: show that you're open. 2: show that you're interested. (Honestly, its best to make your intentions clear earlier than later, just don't pressure them for an answer.) Take a step back and let them decide for themselves what to do with that info. They may need to bounce the ball back a few times before they decide. If they withdraw, don't chase them. If they say no, least you have a friend. Don't be an ass about it, we know it hurts. If they leave their options open, the same applies. If yes, you build up your relationship, making sure it's actually a good fit for both parties. The diving into the bedsheets thing happens once both parties decide they are comfortable moving in that direction. This runs contrary to how manipulative people do it, and the signs of a manipulator are strikingly similar to the 4 stages of possession. And... Crap I did it again... *Withdraws back into the shadows*