Trying to solve the mystery of why there are so few women looking for dates

Wow that’s a moving story really, and I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m happy your friend was there for you finally. In western society men are expendable, we’re worthless unless we have money and charm as your story shows. In contrast, women have support from multiple angles. We simply crave from a partner what society doesn’t give us, that support that we need. This is a mistake by the way, and I think a lot of guys are starting to see it. Building up your foundation before being with someone is important, it keeps you from being used till she’s done with you, and it keeps you from dragging on a relationship that isn’t working/the other person doesn’t deserve. (I’d make my comment longer and more involved but school :p! Your and vanilla’s posts on here make great points too c:.)

Female domestic violence victims outnumber men which is why you will see more help and assistance readily available to women and children than to men. When I was a social worker, we did run into an incident once where a man claimed his spouse was abusing him and the best we could do is refer him to the homeless shelter. The place where we sent battered women needed to be kept women and children only because it was too big of a liability issue and having a man around after they just got the shit kicked out of them was the last thing they wanted. It would have made everyone uneasy and uncomfortable and might not exactly had been the most welcoming place for a man anyway for those reasons. Regarding how things are now, pro-women movements, feminism, well.... to all the single ladies out there, it's probably starting to bite them in the ass a bit. Sure, many college-educated women don't find conservatism appealing, but it's sometimes to their own detriment. What women look for in a relationship hasn't really changed too much from the 50s to now. Women want stability and protection. It's a shame we are this far along, and we still haven't learned moderation in society. Feminism isn't all inherently good or bad. I for one cannot imagine having the brain I do and living in a time where I wouldn't be allowed to vote, have it legal for my spouse to beat me no matter the rule of thumb or anything, or being treated as a commodity of the family to have an arranged marriage with someone that will somehow benefit my father. Know what I mean?

There are a lot of things in the past that should've never been the way they were. And I really appreciate the more realistic approach you're bringing to the table on the subject. I do also want to mention, however, that a lot of the feminist movement focuses on pushing for privilege's instead of equality/responsibility. These are the movements I don't agree with. An assumption from reading your responses in this thread: I don't think you do either, but I might be wrong. Some of these movements have been mentioned, such as divorce and how it heavily favors women. But it's also the notion of wanting every right a man has (which I agree with), but also having the privledge of not being drafted to war. The movements that push for stronger woman, but ridicule and belittle men. The movements that fight solely for woman's privledge that sacrifice men's health, etc. On the topic overall and not just in reply to @verucassault - Let's be honest, most men are average (quite obvious); we haven't won the genetic lottery. Only the top 1 to 5 to 10% (depending on sources) of men are having substantial success and most of it has to do with physical appearance or wealth. Not many men are born into wealth, or receive a good enough education financially (our education system is another major issue), which again has to do with genetic lottery. A big problem that I've observed is that social media, online dating, and the internet in general has changed the dynamic between men and women. Our culture has shifted heavily away from social interaction from in-person meetings, and this is even developed in myself. With online dating, the women can pick and choose the best of the best in an area (the genetic lottery winners). We've seen this already shown with stats in a few of the above posts. Hell, I'm an average looking guy in fairly decent shape and have had zero success in online dating. I don't mean it to sound rude, but I've also swiped right on women that I don't find as attractive, or have views, or things on their profiles/pictures I don't like (lowering my standards essentially) and struggle to get a match. This brings me to a feeling/theory/idea that a lot of women are holding such high/unrealistic standards for men, where average is not even good enough anymore. Now, I'm not saying I'm great or anything, hell there are times where I question if I'm actually even as average as I think I am. But I see a lot of guys like me struggle, so I'm not only saying this from my experience. Men are being held to such high standards now, it's hard for a lot of us without a leg up in the race to even keep pace. Generally I think online dating, radical feminist movements, politics (both sides), and other movements are contributing to this idea of men just generally being blamed for a lot of things that have gone wrong. And certainly, men in power have fucked things up. Greedy, power hungry men, abusers, rapists, whomever else, these guys get the headlines. They're the men you hear about. It's painted an awful picture for your average man. This too, I believe attributes to a lot of the hardships average dudes are having to face right now. Someone brought up the MeToo movement, and I think it's more than just a workplace issue. Overall, I think the idea of being thought of as a creep, or taking something too far, or not feeling comfortable expressing your desires as a man has hampered communication for a lot of men. Some of the biggest attributing factors to the anxiety I feel when trying to make friends or show interest in a woman is the idea that all it takes is for her to think I'm creepy, or say something and have it come off the wrong way, and suddenly I'm some sex pest. A lot of times, I just don't even try because I have to weigh the options of if it's even worth it. Most of the time I feel nervous, in the pit of my stomach nervous, even thinking about approaching a woman I'm attractive to. Who knows how I can come off in my language verbally/body all because I'm nervous as shit. I think this has attributed to a lot of approach anxiety, so a lot of men aren't even doing it, and that's totally fair. I know it's really been one of the biggest issues for why I'm mostly socially inept, or scared to express myself because 1) I've got little to know practice. 2) It's hard to not come across as creepy, weird when you're nervous. 3) A lot of mixed signals of woman saying they do/don't like being approached. I also want to harp back on social media and the internet, specifically click-bait and viral culture. This has a major effect on communication, is what I've come to realize. I see it a lot on dating sites, men having to come up with some grand opening line or they're not even receiving replies. It's funny because almost every girl I've matched with on Bumble say "Hey there" or something similar. But there's this notion in communication now, and as a man I can say I notice it especially, where you have to say the perfect thing/line. I think even regular, everyday communication is suffering because of this. If you're not keeping someone's attention with hot takes, impressive, over-the-top banter, why would you keep or earn anyone's attention? I think this is especially hard for men who can't fall back on looking like a gigachad. If you can't look like a gigachad, and can't hold my attention with words? What can you do for me? This is the vibe I get from a lot of people in my area. I think these are some of the major issues that are attributing to most men's dating experiences right now.

personally as a female ive noticed less women on this site as well, i thought it was odd :p and as well as other dating sites too, i never see nearly as many women as i think there would be, just an abundance of men XD

@Cioccolata Say what? You're an actual female? This... can't be possible... women aren't real online! Are you a dragonmaid that flew here from some medieval realm? Perhaps a witch brought you here from another world to restart your life from zero? Or maybe you were frozen in stone 3,700 years ago and recently came back to life? Whatever the case, we need your help!!! You might be the last woman in the internet universe. Would you be willing to travel to the Galactic Republic planet of Kamino so we can clone you and repopulate the entire internet with women? **does best princess Leia imitation** Help us Cioccolata Kenobi, you're our only hope!

The same situation can be for different reasons. One reason can be a woman is rejected so many times cuz the guy makes it obvious that she's too ugly and an embarrassment to be seen with in in public. I got rejected lots cuz a guy said the girl he said yes to was pretty, men who yells at me for just standing next to them cuz it was an embarrassment to be assumed that I'm the gf, a guy who only went after married, and/or gorgeous girls, and men who only wanted foreign girls who looked pretty and knew how to flaunt it. Not to mention the last guy who agreed to be friends with me and said it was ok that I got close to him, and then turned around and said I was sexually harassing him to management, who was a crowd of women, that did support him and started telling the whole work place I was a sexual offender. To top it off my only bf caused major emotional damage by belittling me and verbally abusing me. So that destroys major trust. Especially with words alone. Something most users have to rely on. Trust on words cuz it's at times difficult to show action if the users are not living close by.

In reality they, you (the reader), and I all have a hand in how we carry ourselves. I've dated a number of women and had to walk away because either I didn't have what they desperately needed (emotional support, financial abundance, patience, or the knowledge to guide). Or the woman I dated was asking things that were never in my power to change (undoing the sins of their fathers). They and I have had to understand that a relationship is 2 people. 1 doesn't exceed the other. I am a man, whether anyone else wants me to be some other, I will always be a man. But what is a man? A man is what he decides to be. If it is evil, he will sow evil. If good as to the rest. What is a woman in my eyes? Truly a person with their own decisions to make. Someone I respect and admire. Do I crave sex? Yes. Will I force the issue? No. Is that all I need? Obviously not. Why then am I alone? Ultimately because I chose to be. I chose to be alone because I fear hurting the people I love. I do deserve love. I must be man enough to give myself that love. When I have obtained that love I may then share it with the people around me. My ex-girlfriend asked the question, "Why do you not fight for me to stay?" She asked this shortly after informing me she was leaving and I had chosen to remain silent. I told her, "You're happiness is important to me, so I place my trust in your decision. If you're already decided, then I will not stop you from pursuing that happiness." Her reply, "That's a coward's excuse. Good-bye!" She left and to this day we've never spoken. I do not hate her. I do have love for her still. My reasoning is valid. One of us was not happy with that relationship. One of us made the decision to swallow our pride for the other's happiness. Both of us were correct for letting the relationship terminate for each other's happiness. And so life moves on just as it should. I was greatful for the opportunity to have had a relationship with her even if we weren't meant to be. All is as it should be. Who knows what woman I'll one day meet. If not, that's not the end of the world now is it? I'm still standing!

A wise man admits his faults and takes time to genuinely learn from his past so as not to perpetuate it. And no, I don't count myself as wise. I say that more as food for thought. I've yet to have a relationship I completely regret. I've been cheated on and lied to quite a few times and yet there's much for me to learn of myself. You'd think I should be jaded by now. But, guess what? I understand that not all women are the same, but my choices have been. I've much to learn so as to truly be happy in myself. However, I've also much to be happy for in those past relationships, too. While I'd not ever wish to return to them, I understand the good that I allowed to cloud my judgement and the bad that I as well handed out.