Advice

Just got cheated on. She and I had a 1 year long relationship and I kinda feel lost at the moment. Never been in love before this relationship. It does hurt still, even a few months have passed. I did plan my future with her but now... it just feels like all is lost. I am hoping to get some advice on here from people who have been in a similar situation as I am right now. (Feel free to add me as your friend).

To post a little more context to this one: We dated for almost 6 months, got together and started a relationship. I have never felt anything like this and even though a month has passed, I feel tired, alone and don´t think I can trust anyone anymore.

cheating sucks, but happens all the time, alot of messed up things happen to the living, you can accept it as a part of your life and move on or drown in self pity

I guess one way of looking at this is, she didnt care enough about the relationship to not cheat. On top of that, since it did happen, she didn't care enough to even try to make things right (I have no context or information so I have to guess). Cheating isn't necessarily a guarantee that a relationship is doomed, but is certainly a very large bad sign. I have seen some serious couples make it past an occurrence of real cheating, but it is very uncommon. The amount of work needed to mend such a serious breach of trust is absolutely massive, and there is no real guarantee that the person cheated on is even willing to consider the possibility of being able to move past it. Yes, the most important person you have had in your life is now gone from it, but at the same time, I feel like one way of thinking about it is that its better to get it over with, than let it brew and get worse. She didn't have the maturity to step up and be an adult about things. Yes, it hurts right now. It hurts like hell. I never got extra deep in a serious relationship before my experience with this subject. So I might not know the exact depths of the pain you may feel. However, it might be helpful to know that there is an end to the debilitating pain you feel. Like any wound, it will eventually heal. You just need to stop bothering the wound to let it heal. I have to assume that it wasn't directly your fault for the situation that happened, so you also shouldn't be blaming yourself. You don't accomplish anything for overly working yourself up about something that is out of your control. Your mind is your most powerful tool, and you can't afford to use that tool to haphazardly destroy yourself, else you are never going to reach your full potential. Now that you are no longer with another person. It is also a good chance to focus on yourself. Take time to try and like yourself again, or take steps to move in the direction where you will like yourself more. I think that doing such a thing will allow you to stop irritating the wound, and allow it to heal faster and cleaner. Believe me, while you are healing from the emotional wound, you wouldn't be in the greatest of shape emotionally and mentally to try and take on a new serious relationship, so don't do it before you feel like you are ready again. If you do, then you would be hurting both your new lover, and yourself, since you wouldnt be truly invested in the relationship for anything besides trying to put a tiny bandaid over the gaping wound. It will take time, but you will come out of the shell and lower your emotional defenses around other people again.

Unfortunately I know this feeling well. It isn't easy. As someone who has been through a similar situation, I am always here to listen if you want to talk. In my experience, I was with someone who I loved more than anything in the world, and out of left field they told me they didn't care about me and were bored of our relationship. They shut off all emotion towards me, cheated on me, and sure enough, they moved on what seemed like overnight. They never even said goodbye, they just stopped talking to me. I never thought I could trust anyone, not after that. But, after a while of spending time getting to know myself again, I WAS able to trust and build friendships and relationships again, it took a while by most people's standards, but, it did happen. And I know it will for you too. Please don't rush yourself to "feel better" quickly. Give yourself time to mourn it. There's no need to feel ashamed about what you feel. You lost someone you loved so deeply. I too tried rushing myself to feel "better." And I did.. only momentarily, then the feeling hit me like a train and I was right back at square one again. Be patient with yourself. People expect you just to hate someone even if they lie, cheat, leave you like you're nothing, etc. but the truth is, you still have that love for them, even if they betrayed you, as fucked up as it is. Feel what you feel. Use this time to heal and learn from this experience. Focus on things you enjoy, your hobbies, all the things maybe you didn't get a chance to do as much since you were in a relationship. Being single isn't a punishment, it's a valuable time to learn a lot about yourself which will only help you down the road in your life as well as in future relationships. Trying to rush into something new too soon will only set you further back in healing and may even create more problems. Prioritize your health, mental well-being, try new things, and reach out to other people who have been through it too, it makes it all that much easier knowing that we have ALL felt some sort of pain. I wish you the absolute best, take care of yourself.

tbh, i was never cheated on, but i do know that feeling of heartbreak really well. i had a girl friend once that i loved more than anything as well. we aimed to get into the same collage together and everything but during the summer before we went, she told me she just wanted to be friends. it hurt me to hear that, but im not the type of guy to argue that. i mean, its her choice after all. but thats not really what hurt me the most. when we got to collage, she wouldnt spend any time with me. she didnt even really want to talk to me. i didnt understand. all i ever tried to do was make her happy. eventually certain circumstances led to us not talking anymore. id rather not talk about those. honestly, i still blame myself. it might not have even been as much of my fault, but i still put about 90% of the blame on me. because i feel strongly about the fact that there were things i could have done better. i guess thats just who i am... but that was over a year ago. i feel better about things now. time really does heal wounds, but i dont know about all of them. as much as most of the pain has gone away, i still have to live with that the rest of my life. part of me believes pain has a half life. it gets better and better over time, but never truly goes away.