You VS. Your Parents

https://i.imgur.com/RxYcIcA.jpg Anyone fighting for freedom in independent living being yourself and not being stuck with parents who prefer you to be like them under their family tradition and not your natural unique self? Currently, I wish to move, but my mother keeps telling me there's no better place than our hometown. Even mentioning her father traveled to different countries and still prefers the same hometown. Father and stepmother are like people preferring to overwork, eat processed or unhealthy foods, watch news and drama too much, and consider me irresponsible and immature, while most other loved ones disagree with them. Mother's side of the family want me to keep up with their land that her father bought. My father said if I move, then I would lose certain important things for living. But I dislike most people in my area because of how incompatible they are to me. Even worse, if I bumped into someone very compatible, my family would react disturbingly toward me whether positively or negatively. That's why I refuse to have a wedding or elopement or maybe no marriage at all. Even a nearby friend is having issues with her parents being stuck with them dying for freedom saying... "I am terribly depressed again today. It has been this way for about a week now. Sometimes I just don't feel as if I have the energy to go on. I feel terribly stunted in life, and I'm so lonely and miserable here with only my parents. Everything is fine for now except for my home life. I love my parents, but I wish that I could love them from a distance and with little contact. If I am independent I cannot be them, and they only wish for me to be them exactly. Think like them, behave like them, stay here with them forever with no outside influence. I didn't even wish to get out of bed and start my day today. I fear this depression will never leave me. I wish I could explain more fully the situation with my parents and why it causes me such misery, but I fear no one will understand. I am still on furlough from work and they do not like for me to leave the house, not even to go to the library to study because they do not approve of me trying to get my education or support it. I can't express my own thoughts of beliefs or have my own interests it seems. I can only do things that are on their list of "approved activities," which is pretty much going to work or going to church, otherwise I must stay here all day every day. I am only supposed to see or communicate with "approved friends," of which there are only a few. They will not approve of me even texting individuals who consume any alcohol whatsoever, because they feel that any alcohol consumption is incredibly sinful. They watch Fox News all day long and want me to believe that Trump is chosen by Jesus to save this country and that everyone who disagrees with him is evil. I am not allowed to say I feel otherwise. I am 29 years old yet my parents tell me where I can and can't go and who I can and cannot see. They do not support me learning and me seeking therapy enrages them. If I am on the phone the must know who I am talking to and what I am talking about. They have no boundaries with me and barge into my bedroom at any time. I have no sense of personal identity and feel stunted like I am only 14 years old. They treat my brother very differently, waiting on him hand and foot and expressing interest all the time in his activities, encouraging him as he also returns to college and asking him how his courses are going. They never ask me about my schooling and act as if it inconveniences them that I am doing it. When I was working they tried to tell me when I could and could not take my vacation days that I had earned through work. They had no business whatsoever becoming parents, and here I am stuck here with them until the end of time, because I can't begin to heal while living here around them 24/7." And these guys also had a difficult childhoods... https://youtu.be/azRl1dI-Cts https://youtu.be/vSTUSxdGaMo Anyone in the same boat?

From a person who doesn't know you but assessing the situation you are in, it sounds like you need to find a place of your own. Maybe you could compromise with your parents? Maybe not move so far away so you can still help them. But it's obvious you are struggling to find self worth in your lack of independance. My situation is not the same, but I can definitely identify with your internal struggles. Even the most level headed people I know are going a bit crazy right now. I think we are losing all of our minds, honestly. You have people who say, oh I was an introvert before this, I'VE BEEN TRAINING FOR THIS. No. No you haven't. People have been pushed further collectively to fight or flight mode. That many of us together in that state of mind cannot end well. I digress. My advice to you, if you are unable to change anything, you need to try to have a talk with your parents (not right now of course) but think long on what you need to say, what you need day to day that you aren't getting right now. Keeping it bottled up inside will do you no good.

Parents that are actually good we often struggle to understand. It is easy to think them serving self interests, but often it is not the case. - Many people are dealing with similar struggles with identity and independence. Yours will always be a unique experience compared to another's. Whether that is more or less, neither of us truly has the right to say for we only live inside our own heads. - My father taught me early to be independent from him. He would say, "Don't repeat our mistakes. Make your own and then learn from it." - Of course as a parent you would wish your child to love you and desire them to carry on the family legacy. I am sure that even your parents worked hard to build what they have and want to make sure you will always have a place to call home. Never hate them for that. It is frustrating when you're given a task that you didn't ask for, but doing what you can to show them support will not be wasted. - My recommendation is, because I have seen your intelligence first hand in the messages we've shared in the past, to take that knowledge you yourself have gained and create something in your area that is wholly yours. Don't ask for anyone's understanding, do it. If you build a community starting from yourself, you will never be alone. - Of course your parents will always be a part of your life and that is not bad! Use what they have built to your advantage. Make priorities to give them their time with you before moving on to something that you wish to do. It is a give and take relationship after all. Never stop showing them that what you can accomplish is contributing to not just the community you live in but to your own mental health and well being. - Stay strong brother! Your best years have only just begun.