Shoniya's writing workshop

After reading your writing, it's clear to me that you have developed your own writing style. I'd say your writing is better than some of the college writing papers I've read. Keep up the good work! I'll drop some critique of what I read: #1: I think punctuation hurts you most here. Lots of commas and sparse periods. It would help if you went through and fleshed out the sentences, kind of like carving in details in marble. The ideas are there, it just needs to be refined and presented in an easier to read manner #2 I think there are some odd use of wording here, for example "sunlight pushing amidst dark". Pushing against what? (I got red ink comments like this by my professor a lot :P) I think you meant pushing against the dark but the wording messed up here. Other than that, grammatical errors like its/it's, minor stuff like that. #3hah #pretty good. Nothing really jumps out at me, although it is really hard to critique dialogue All and all, writing is good. It just needs some passes of editorial work. It's the most boring part, but always necessary. For instance, the movie script I wrote in college took me over 100 editing passes, and I know for a fact I was being lazy with my editing compared with my peers. I recommenced just writing as much as you can in word vomit, and just wack and chizel away at it bit by bit until it is super-refined. Say sentences aloud and think about each word. If something sounds off, it's probably because a word was used awkwardly. Hope this helps!