Vent

There was a good reason I held off on renewing my Netflix subscription. Something told me the Netflix adaptation of Devil May Cry was going to Trojan Horse some ideology about politics and it 100% did. Now I see why Reuben Langdon got told he couldn't reprise his role of Dante. Yeah, it was because of his personal beliefs not because he did anything genuinely wrong. Either way, I'm glad I slept on this the same as when I slept on the DMC game reboot! I stand by Dante's quote from the first game, "You have the face, but not [the] fire!"

I've never felt more ashamed and useless as a 32 year old guy until now, I really want this electrician plan to be successful

Bad behavior = narcissism? Holding people accountable and promoting fear and hatred have similarities. When someone calls you a narcissist for that, your loved ones would ironically disagree with them, but agree later, but still love you unconditionally calling you a "good person".

How can u care for someone and then get bitched at for doing so but when u get enough of being bitched at u don't fuckin care and get bitched at more then get offended and tell u they would be better off dead just to make u feel like shit for trying to be enough even tho I'll never ever be enough and nothing is ever good enough for anyone

As uncharacteristic of me as always here, but even I can't hide from my nature forever, it seems... relationship troubles were beyond me, I thought. And worse, I hope she doesn't just spawn in and see this shit. But I've been suspicious of her potentially cheating for months now. I shouldn't even have these doubts to begin with, I mean she's allowed to have friends. I just don't like how she acts all cutesy with a specific one. Maybe this is a healthy level of suspicion, maybe not. Either way, I just have no idea how to confront her about it, or talk it out. She's never been the most confident in herself, is a bit selfless, and struggles to say "no". That said, I'm honestly scared as hell of all the things that could go wrong and can't stop thinking about it. I'm afraid of possibly hurting her, I'm afraid of losing her, or making her think of me differently, and I'm afraid of pulling the plug, were it necessary. I just don't have anyone else that I can truly be myself around, and I'm scared to lose that, and I'm scared that if I do, some other dude in the future will just hurt her, and make her believe for the rest of her life that love doesn't exist, or is a bad thing.

To think I've been to ENT, Cardiology, allergy, dermatology, the ER, urgent care, I've been diagnosed and misdiagnosed, and FINALLY, two years later, gastroenterology gives me a potential "solid" answer to my symptoms. I love the gastroenterologist I see, she's so wonderful. Instantly she said, "No one told you it could be that?" She couldn't believe it. Like it was nothing, within an hour, she ran some of the tests, told me the potential diagnosis, and put a tentative care plan into place laying out all my options. It turns out it most likely isn't "just heartburn" like I was told, it's most likely a rare autoimmune disease that's physically causing my throat to close more than it should. So I wasn't crazy always feeling like I'm choking, there's an actual reason for it. I've been unable to eat food for over 3 months. Just drinking. It's getting to me mentally. Even when I have liquids, I often have to spit them out. I'm embarrassed to even go out with friends because I'm scared they'll offer me food or drinks or that I'll need to drink something and that always creates chaos and pain. A month ago I went to my friend's house and just to look normal I had a glass of Amita motion and I literally had asthma symptoms for the rest of the night and a swollen throat. My GI doctor was mortified and is booking me an endoscopy immediately so we know for sure what this is. She even told me that if needed, she can override their appointment system and give me a same day emergency one if it gets so bad I can't drink at all ever. I've never felt so excited for a procedure and to get final answers, I just want this hell to end.

I hate this day I have to say goodbye to my Frenchie Yang today, something happened yesterday that caused his health to deteriorate rapidly and I brought him to the pet hospital earlier today. At the moment he is intubated and is being assisted with his respiratory. Only holding out until my family gets here so we can all say goodbye one last time. I fucking hate this so much, but I know its for the best. I love the lil shit, but doing anything more would prolong his pain. https://y.yarn.co/1a1f94ec-3a86-47a1-a02a-b330ca411772_text.gif He's been with us for 12 years and had a good life, I'm so fucking proud of him and happy he's been with us this long <3

My baby boy has passed away It fuckin hurts