the narcissist

No longer will I disturb the peace here. Strictly anime and random shit from now on. I don't want to take the chances that I'm effecting anyone peace and listen to my better mind. If I my rants have been undesirable I acknowledge that and apologize.

https://youtu.be/CB3Gv4oZdWo?si=CiVbf-4zniunkqqe This is a extremely sobering song for me a narcissist that has overcome so much with heavens help to the point I feel the transition to light and identify with it. And, make light of the wounds I've given people and still give people because in contrast to where I started and where I'm at I'm a success. I'm a fighter of a impossible illness. 2 matter fact. This song helps me manage my expectations of how people may view me. Someone could be glad that I'm well but ultimately be wanting to drag me down by the halo around my neck because they curious how I am gonna make amends to the people I hurt. The impossible nature of overcoming the illness makes me feel holy for every step I take even baby steps. But, what if those steps I'm proud off is not enough. I know that continuing to keep taking steps will ultimately take me to a place where I finally make amends with the people I hurt so I can identify with my light steps. I think the problem is my steps are enough for me but aren't enough for the people hurt. To me I'm moving in light to them I still create darkness. My cognitive dissonance over my light and darkness is brung to my attention. I have not excelled enough at light not to be a source of darkness. Though I still have light but I also have darkness. Knowing that will keep me humble. So the lesson is no one has to see me or view me as light because I identify with the steps of light I took and how hard they were. They desire amends now. I'm lucky I have people in my life that don't pull my halo down and drag me to the ground. They patient with my changing. And, honestly they could pull it down at anytime. The voices do. After all I'm a sinner that deserves the worse. But, I have people that don't drag me to the ground and Jesus that doesn't drag me to the ground. But, sometimes I take advantage of people kindness and mercy because I'm a sinner that needs Jesus. We are made Holy when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and have faith in him and repent of our sins and walk with him. I'm thankful for mercy from people from Jesus from my lover. Edit: I'm reminded of how good Jesus is that he forgives your sins and remembers them no more. And, cleans you up. The voices want me to remember with guilt and shame and condemnation not conviction hope and forgiveness. That's how I know they not of God. Edit: Every Saint has a past and every sinner has a future.