the narcissist

I should really treat myself to something to celebrate that a narcissist is able to learn internal validation they said it was impossible. I overcame so much. After I finish smelling the roses. I have to face the final boss responsibility and accountability. That shit does life drain damage. I pretty much conquerored everything else thanks to God's strength except mirroring I don't know why tf I do that. But, that one not hurting anybody so it's a side objective. Now that I think about it... It could be damaging but I have bigger fish to fry. I haven't even cherished all my victories yet but whatever. Responsibility and accountability. The bane to my existence. Why do you hurt me so much. I often wonder why God didn't give me a strong spirit moved to action for others. But, Jesus says the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. It may not be a problem of my spirit after all like I thought it's just my flesh is weak. It's susceptible to fear, exhaustiom, and selfish desires. I been praying & begging God for any type of fuel to overcome my flesh. Because I lack emotions strong enough to move me cause I'm a narcissist. I been begging and praying to feel the holy spirit move me to action for the spirit to just have it's way with me. But, neither emotions came or did I feel the super natural presence of the holy spirit. I know I have the holy spirit or I would not be able to love God or draw near to him but I just don't feel it. But, guess what God answered my prayers for any type of fuel to overcome my flesh. I now have a rightoues anger at the devil for trying his best to deter me from being in alignment with God and my purpose. The voices fucked up by hurting me non stop last night. At first I was angry at God how could he allow these voices to torment me for so long. But, then I realize God is allowing the voices to torment me to produce in me perservance, character, and hope. And, boy did these voices have a big effect on my character. I can see through them with my discernment. And, they pissed me off trying to con me out of my hope and purpose. Today I am filled with a rightoues anger not at God but at the devil and these voices. Now I ain't going for nothing. They don't know they playing with a crash out. They poked the lion and done fucked around and found out how much a soldier I really am. Thanks to the torment from the voices and the discernment God has given me. I hear there accusations and get angry and shut that shit down because I know Jesus sheed his blood to advocate for us. The devil advocates against us. The voices are the opposite of God I finally understand that. God said resist the devil and he will flee. Instead of allowing myself to be tormented I'm up now it's my joy to shut down there attempts to torment me out of seeing who I am in Christ. Out of seeing how loved and protected I am. I'm active now in upholding my faith. At first I was like God help me I can't uphold my faith because I'm suffering. Now I see who causing the suffering and that fills me with rightoues anger to uphold my faith. And, retaliate with the words of God and God promises firmly. I know this suffering was to test and refine my faith. And, boy did it. I finally have the fuel I been asking for. I just remember how they did me. And, I can get fuel. I just remember what the thief is trying to steal. I can get fuel. No matter the voices and the devil accusations Jesus says he is still mine. I finally have something I can cultivate a rightoues anger towards the devil so I can then crucify my flesh and move forward in joy that the devil is powerless to stop God's plan for my life. Jesus died on the Cross for us and rose on the third day with all power in his hand. The cross rendered the devil officially defeated, stripping him of his legal authority, ultimate power over death, and right to condemn believers. While his power is broken, he is not yet destroyed, allowed temporary, limited influence until his final judgment. Believers operate in authority over him, not fear.  The voices don't bother me now because of my faith has become more firm. Thank you Jesus

I just understood boundaries for the first time thanks to the word sacred. I won't be posting about sensitive topics anymore. I feel I may be crossing boundaries and making people uncomfortable. Sorry I'm a narcissist I didn't know. No one told me so I can learn what not to do. Thinking as others as sacred helped me realize I don't want to be like those other narcissists. I'm truly sorry it won't happen again. Sorry I'm so dense and insensitive. Please forgive my transgressions. I'm no better than the people I despise. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize the error of my ways. Lord forgive me. Edit: And, to the guys sorry if my ramblings scared the females away. Truly, thank you all for putting up with me I learned so much being able to express myself honestly while also learning about others. I don't know how to repay you all and this space. This new sensitivity for what is sacred is opening doors.