Full disclosure

"Introductions" is an appropriate place for this i think. I just hope I don't scare new people away from the site. Hopefully they will see that I am not the norm. It isn't easy for me to share personal things about myself. I apologize for not doing this a better way. As I wish to form true meaningful friendships here there are things about me that I cannot keep to myself in good conscience. Because among other things friendship means trust. Lets see how long it takes to be ostracized. I am a drug addict. For years I was a heavy heroin user. It was a crutch that I used to numb myself from the deaths of the people around me. My dad died from Hepatitis C shortly after I graduated high school. And I just didn't recover. I also couldn't handle it when friends and family died or killed themselves so I would seek out an escape from myself. I was that pathetic dirty homeless kid spanging for drug money on the street corner. I think its mostly bullsht when people say that drugs make people do turrible things that they would never do normally. In my experience it is that turrible people are usually the ones that do drugs and then use it as an excuse for their actions. I've never stolen or fuked anyone over to support my drug habit. None of the people around me even knew that I was using drugs unless I wanted them to know. I don't regret being an addict. Because, reasons. I do regret the time wasted. When I was done doing drugs I stopped. Almost. Recently I've developed chronic back pain. I'm told it is a developmental disorder call Scheurmanns Disease. Or something close to that. I call it hunchback disorder because that's basically what it is. Even though my case is supposedly mild I am constantly in a great deal of pain. I question if the diagnosis is correct. In the first three months when this issue started I saw many many doctors who were ultimately unwilling to take me seriously. The only "treatment" I received was Vicodin prescriptions. I was in to much pain to care where relief was coming from. I relapsed. My back has only gotten worse. I am learning to live with the pain but it gets in the way of every aspect of my life. I already have focusing issues. Now I have more. I no longer use drugs and have taken steps to insure that I don't relapse ever again. Even if I wanted to. Though I do occasionally smoke pot as it is "safe" and has medicinal benefits to me. I don't mind answering questions so...well whatever anyone might think I have enjoyed my time here. Thank you all.

I have a coworker who has Lupus and she tells me she's always in chronic pain. Sorry to hear about your back.. I agree with Sunflower. At least, when I have pain in my back if it ever happens, hot showers seem to help or a hot compress.

There is a heating pad I use but it is a fleeting relief. The basic problem is that three of my vertebrae are wedge shaped instead of the normal rectangle shape.

Physical therapy hasn't helped so far either. I'm on this wait list to see this doctor in Salem that was able to help my aunt with a somewhat similar issue. But he is so in demand that it will take longer than a year to see him. The only thing that actually helps is trying to pretend that it just isn't there. But that creates its own problems.

I came across this post some time ago, but I decided not to reply to it since I didn't have much to say other than wow good job in being so open with us all (which you already probably knew we would all say :3 ). Although I think I could say more since we don't talk that often and other people haven't posted here. So, wow, I really admire you for putting al . This out there. I try to make jokes about my own insecurities to have a tougher skin, but I would still peobably wouldn't have posted something like this. Good job on being able to be so open with us. It's great to hear you've been moving on from that part of your life too. You seem like a really nice person here, and I hope other people will see that too. As for the back pain... Dude that really sucks. I remember once when my father had back pains too. He went to a chiropractor and got it solved. I don't really know much else about what to do with that. I hope you'll be able to see that doctor soon. And a few years might seem like a huge wait, but you'll get through it. Try not to do thinks that are too strenuous during that time. D: I hope everything keeps going well for you. :>

Have you tried ICY-HOT pads? (thatsprobablyaobviousonethough) ~T