Codependence or coindependence?

Despite what the name sounds like this is fundamentally what is used to measure the type of relationship people have in social studies and is used to determine many other factors. What type of person are you? Codependent partners share their lives in a much more in depth way. They tend to have a shared social network, often times much of their interactions out in the world outside of work include their partners. They tend to have a greater reliance on their partners for affection and support and overall share a more intimate experience while also being more vulnerable emotionally. Coindependent partners is a newer label that is used to describe a more common relationship type in the world. Rather than having the older fashioned support structure and system that is creating by meshing two lives together these people tend to have their partners solely for what they can only have through a partner. The benefits of two incomes, someone to talk to when they are alone, and someone to confide in when they need it. Outside of these intimacy exclusive pieces they are almost separate people. They have their own friends, their own networks, plans, and dreams. It has been really pumped up in psych circles as "healthier" and considered to be the new way people will build their relationships. The main benefit to these types of relationships is they give a person much more of a sense of independence and unlike in codependent relationships it is generally easier to break everything off because they are fewer mutual connections to tidy up in the aftermath. Both of these explanations is very generalized and through my view as an individual, if you find yourself uncertain I would highly suggest that you research into these two respective approaches to intimacy and companionship. You may learn something about yourself you didn't know before and realize your approach may have been wrong for you all along. Or perhaps be reaffirmed that you are on the right path. So....which one is right for you?

Since I started this topic I will go first. Personally I am old fashioned in my upbringing and I watched my grandparents be happily married my entire life growing up even going as far as raising me when my own mother was sick. I find myself much more interested in a codependent relationship. Sharing my life with someone is ultimately my goal, and I feel the greatest form of sharing the adventure is to meld as much as a unit as possible. It has made relationships very difficult for me because I am just now getting into the age where women are also wanting to share the adventure. Regardless of the difficulty I know what I want as a person, and coindependence may be labelled healthier...but codependency is the way for me.

I think it's both, for me. I want all the benefits of both, but I also need time alone. It just depends on how I feel, and how they'd feel. It'd switch, though I'd like to have financial support be secure for both.

I think the thing that would worry me about codependent relationships is if that line of "we need each other" crosses over into "I need you to need me" and "I will keep you needy because if you're better, you can leave me." That, to me, sounds more like control rather than love or respect.

Well when I ask this question we're speaking purely on a healthy and positive scale, obviously those fears will always be there for people...but I think if people get into a "I need you to need me" or a "I will keep you needy" attitude it is a decision on both parties as well. It is hard to be manipulated in those types of situations without being aware to some extent and accepting it.

Definitely more inclined to pursue and maintain a coindependent structure here. I need my space, I need my autonomy, and I do not want to share everything with someone. Inevitably I'll get bored of them and then look like the bitch to all of our supposed mutual "friends". But fuck them, and fuck what they think for letting their emotional ties get in the way of the reality that my partner wasn't good enough for me. I am not going to settle. Neediness and clinginess are surefire ways to push me to abandon ship, and the ships I've abandoned so far have all been codependent structures.

I'm not sure I agree with you there. Codependency has always been the structure that most marriages in previous generations were built off of. Saying that coindependence is the only option for a truly healthy relationship would be denying the reality that our grandparents had the lowest divorce rate that has been recorded. "Healthy" is also a relative term.

Co-independent. I just feel if you do every single thing together you will not have new things to bring up and talk about with each other. They of course would already know. Needy and clingy are not a very attractive feature.