Was it my fault?

I met a girl I really liked on new years eve. She was really cute, friendly and nice, and seemed to like me a lot. We shared interests to a degree I didn't think possible, games, movies, series, foods, animes, everything. I felt like I had known her my whole life. It started out with her preferring to be alone with me, and after each date, we started getting more and more open and intimate with eachother. She revealed that her past relationships have been traumatizing, so she didn't want to put labels on anything. I was fine with this as I liked what we had a lot. One day she was feeling distressed and didn't know what to do with herself, and she asked if she could stay the night. Which she did. Even though she was supposed to sleep on the sofa, she eventually asked if she could share my bed, and we held eachother and were intimate all night. The only initiative I ever took was to ask her over for a movie occationally, after she had already stated she wanted us to spend time together just the two of us. Obviously I started getting serious feelings for her by now, and this scared her and she started rejecting me and pushing me away. At first she just needed a couple of days away from me, but when I told her how amazing I thought she was, she didn't want me to talk to her for a week. I seriously toned things down for a while, and things started looking up again. She told about things very close and intimate to her, started sharing all kinds of pictures of herself, and started to seem excited to spend time with me again. But she suddenly had to temporarily move away, and she started being difficult to contact again. She struggles a lot with depression, anxiety and stress, so I figured she was feeling down, so I told her how much I wanted to be there for her and help her through the tough times. Apparently this was the final straw. Amongst other things, this is what she told me: "It does work much better to talk things out, but when we do, you just don't get it. I've told you multiple times not to talk to me in such sappy ways. You say things to me that I wouldn't say to people until I was in a very serious relationship with them. We barely know each other. You're coming on way too strong. I've tried having normal conversations with you and they can be great. But then you always manage to come back to being overly intimate. Or bringing up how you want me to be more comfortable with you. I've given you multiple chances. I've reminded you many times what not to do and why I'm uncomfortable and it seems like you can't see what you're doing is making me feel that way." She also told me she only wanted sex and no feelings, but I don't believe this is true due to how genuine what we had was, and it was most likely a final way to push me away and make me lose interest. I feel so horrible, I wish so badly I could take things back and slow down. But she has completely cut me off. I have no way of contacting her and telling her how sorry I am. I am scared I will never get in touch with her again. She didn't let me explain, apologize or even say goodbye.

Sounds like she is just scared of getting emotionally close and getting hurt. So when things get emotionally close, she gets scared and pushes you away. She sounds very damaged from what you said. In cases like this, she either needs lots of time to heal and grow up more or she may be incapable of having a consistent and serious emotional relationship. If that's the case, there isn't much you can do. She may just be a broken doll forever.

Sounds like she did not want a close relationship. Likely due to past bad experiences or she is not of sound emotional health to have one. It sounds like she is not big on romance either and just wanted a fuck buddy. Did she actually tell you to back off or change tone before? If she did and you did not listen then yeah, otherwise live and learn.

Sounds like textbook Bi-Polar/BPD Nobody changes from intimacy to neglect so quickly.

You sound like a really considerate guy, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. It's really taxing being with somebody like that, I've been there, it would've only gotten more toxic. & Who knows, maybe you'll find your real soul mate on MO. Best wishes.

Vampire_Neko got it. Don't feel so bad about things left unsaid, what's done is done. I'd suggest you give yourself self plenty of time to get over her, but really all you can do is just move one. Something tells me that you did listen, but she was unwilling to listen to you. You can't help it when you fall for someone, but she just wasn't or couldn't be on the same page. With emotions there is no right time to feel a certain way, once the fuse is lit, it's lit. But, id suggest next time sitting down and having a serious discussion about where you want the relationship to go so there's no confusion. Some people have a real hard time with commitment, it's a serious thing. Other than that, just occupie your time with things and people who will get your mind off of her. You can't change the past, my friend, but you can set up for a better future.

Women are sure strange. I've even admit that I'm that my strange, too. Don't let that bring you down and don't blame yourself, because someone didn't respect your feeling. I know how it feels when someone you like doesn't share same feeling as me, but that only means that I have to pick myself up, move on, and find someone else to fall in love. Never give up on hope and love. ^u^

I guess you're right. I have done absolutely everything I can to get in touch with her and if I went on, it could border on harassment. So there's literally nothing I can do, and thinking about it any more is pointless. Everybody I've talked to keeps telling me how I need to stop beating myself up about it, that she's the one sending mixed signals and she's the one who needs to figure things out. But I can't help it. It's just how I am, when I like someone I genuinely try to let everything be on their terms and on their time, I'd do anything to make sure they are comfortable and feel appreciated, but I apparently failed doing that horribly, and knowing that makes me miserable.

You didn't do anything wrong. Someone like that won't appreciate you! Dx you deserve someone better. my first ex was the worst of the worst. After I got close to her and had feelings she started to use me, act like she felt the same way, lie to me, and never had time for me. No matter what I did it didn't mean anything to her. It ended up lasting until I graduated from high school and a few months after I got over it and just moved on. It was difficult but, I did it. Around then I met people that become some of my closest friends ever! Don't give up! you'll find someone that appreciates you! ^^