Nice guys or bad boys or mean guys???

Sorry to all girls on behalf of us guys if this is weird and not your thing to talk about. Sorry for taking it that far. Sorry from me to all the women on this site. "It takes a boy to make a mess and a man to clean it up." https://litendeavor.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/2sorry.png

I wrote a nice detailed explanation but the buffer ate it to being too big and I am not writing it again lol so Ill summarize(salvage buffer). Nice vs bad. Why girls and media will say they want nice and date the bad ones. The consequence is related to why you see as many "Where have all the good men gone threads/articles" The other end of the singularity. It's a deep question and one I wished I figured out sooner. As mentioned while most normal healthy people want to have good people in their lives, 'nice' is part of the minimum cost of entry of proper social behavior. So by running around yapping about being nice all you are saying is you can put your shoes on the right feet and little else. Notice the girls immediately said great your nice, but what else? What are you doing to manage your life and future plans? Why do you want to date in the first place? Hard questions but you have to bring something to the table besides desire or you are wasting both parties time. (this goes for anyone) Anime tells the tale over and over with the hero that has to grow up some before beating the villain. It is not just for plot development. No matter how tough or ready (or not) they thought they were, they have to glean something more than just wanting it. Relationships and pretty much everything in the world is governed by this rule to some extent. It's repeated in tales endlessly because not everyone gets it, or remembers. The nice guy lists have some noble core values but being nice is not about being nice. Growing up I read/made dozens of them and not one helped me succeed, I figured it out the hard way. It's about acting appropriately to the situation and conducting yourself in a respectable self-controlled manner at all times to all people. This also means never accepting disrespect. You have to demonstrate the ability to consider things outside your own frame of reference and able to adjust accordingly. You have to be clear on what you are, or are not willing to do and stick to it. You have to know the difference between compromise and settling. You have to know more about etiquette than it's spelling and definition on the wiki. If you can not manage these things you can not actually be truly 'nice'. These things are mastered by successful people. You are not being nice because you hold doors open for women, you are being polite. Should not everyone? You are not being nice because you brought someone flowers, you are courting them. Court or GTFO. This mixed signal will get you in the friend-zone quick if not told off outright. You are not being nice because you spent a bunch of money on them, you are trying to buy them. The very best things in life can not be bought, they are given freely. Gifts should punctuate your feelings for another, not establish them. You are not being nice by bringing/doing something for them all the time, you are serving them. Mates are not servants but they do 'serve' their partners, there is a difference. Also, if you are a servant and not getting paid then you are a slave. You can not negotiate desire or love. It's there or it is not in the blink of an eye, but you can help it along sometimes if the potential was there in the first place, or kill it forever. That's the closest you can get to negotiating those things. You can negotiate sex, absolutely, but then you have cheapened it with a cost and then it has little real value after that. Girls go after the bad boys because they are active, not reactive characters. They make things happen, not wait, or hope for them to happen. They are going to always go farther in life if they feel like it, even if they are a prick. This raises their long term value as a mate and provider but lowers their success rate in long-term relationships if they don't mature. This is usually thought of as being confident and driven. But its hard to tell right away. As some discover that confidence is actually arrogance sometimes. And its awesome you can make things happen but if they are not meaningful things, or fail often, it was a waste of effort. Girls either made the good bet and live happy ever after, get discarded without warning by the next conquest if they fail to tame him, or figure out the bad boy sucks after all for them and goes back to the field for what they really wanted. If they wait too long to figure it out then they may end up posting on the other article. Sometimes they settle and marry the good guy that still does not satisfy them and cheat, divorce, or bang themselves in the bathtub reading 50 shades of grey to get what they need. Certain aspects of a relationship trump others. Girls will deal with a meaner guy if he is charismatic enough and provides something they can't find (or see) elsewhere. Some people do want pets for a significant other, most want partners I have found in my travels. I'm a good man.....not a nice guy. Sometime you have to be a bastard but know when it's appropriate, or then you are just an asshole.

you've hit it spot on Schneider. To me defining a nice guy is being balanced in everything depending on the situation or circumstance. There are times that we can be nice, but also where we have to draw the line. I've learned that mistake too well unfortunately. Oh, and the "nice guys finish last" statement I've never understood that. You can define a "nice" guy in several ways, but how about nice and confident? Now that's where it can lead to something lol

The reason they say nice guys finish last because it's true often enough to coin the phrase but it's not a rule. Someone who is 'only nice' will get used and ran over eventually if they don't protect themselves or someone protects them. Someone is not nice because they are doing something nice as a means to an end, that's being manipulative. I see lots of people(not only here) posting things wanting to know how this or that to get some hot girl to date them. I have to ask myself sometimes do they really want a partner or just to 'hack' pussy. I always self-check myself when I'm pining over a woman to be sure of why I am doing it in the first place and be sure of what I want. Is she someone I just want to meet because she caught my eye? Do I want to make her my wife? fuck-buddy? If I do not know what I want from her I have no business wasting her time or mine. It is a really shitty thing to force someone into making an emotional investment when there is no plan because you just don't want to be alone. Many unhappy couples toil under this unhealthy practice to their misery. When good men are nice it's because they acted appropriately to the situation and always conducted themselves respectably(study the root of that word). In some part but not all, you are nice because you respect yourself and others. If you can not respect yourself and make it known, no one will respect you because you told them you don't want it. You may have not said it with words, but your actions can and will if you allow it. If you are incapable of respecting yourself you will have limited success convincing others you are capable of respecting them. This is another theme that repeats in anime a lot. Usually it's an inept wannabe hero getting lectured with something like the following: How do you expect to fight to protect others when you can't even fight to protect yourself.