Is weight an issue?

Im not quite sure what to say about all this. Im in no way "obese", or anything. Im 5'8, 180ish. Ive got a little chubiness to me, but its not due to overeating or anything. Im lucky to eat two meals a day, and I dont eat much sweets. I have a little bit of a beer gut from when I was younger and drank heavily,and I just havnt worked it off. Im not into athletics, and I cant get into lifting or things like that. That doesn't make me an unhealthy person, though. Some people are bigger, yes. Some by the food choices they make. Some, like me, choose not to exercise for whatever reason (although I have been walking more). And some, its just genetics. Anything from a thyroid problem to whatever. Im not a doctor, I know the thyroid causes under/overweight on some people. These arnt bad people, though. Everyone deserves to be treated fairly, whether they are 0% body fat and driving a fancy car with all the ladies, or 30+% and driving to McDonald's. (Not being mean there, just showing both extremes of the spectrum.) Personal preference is one thing, but let's not make others feel bad because they're a bit over the "accepted" weight. :(

Who's making anyone feel bad? Someone tried calling someone else out for something vague that was not related to the thread. It grew increasingly tangential after that.

Someone is posting quite a lot about body sizes, even kind of made their own thread for the purpose of getting at that.. Yes I am "vague" about it but I'm thinking they got the hint. I kind of got off topic too. I apologize. My view on people's weight is you don't have to be a certain size. It's not about the outside as much as what is in and as long a they are healthy. And I don't like when people fat shame, skinny shame, sex shame etc... So I kind of passive-aggressively brought it up. Now I'm just putting it out there since it appears to be in question. I'm going to add that I do believe the whole size thing is subjective but then comparing sizes to cars and other such things... We already have people uncomfortable to post because they feel uncomfortable and judged. This seems to add to that, I think.

Pretty much what missall said. I've talked to a few people who were kind of offended with kitsunes post. While I'm sure his intentions weren't to offend anybody, and I know he's s good guy, it did come off as kind of pompous to people who arnt of "perfect" proportions. It kind of felt like bragging about his body and car and kind of rubbing it in, and from what I understand, it made them (larger people) feel lower and more self conscious about themselves. I know this thread is about if weight is an issue with people and dating, I understand that, but people's feelings are honestly getting hurt when they see thread like this, and that's not ok. I'm not downing Kitsune in anyway, and like I said, I think he is a good guy and his intentions eye not ill willed, I just know some people were offended by it, that's all. :(

Ah, so it was me. The whole car thing was just going with the flow. It went from Miatas to cargo vans to mustangs so I just put my piece in at that point since I had some common ground with another member. Not meaning to brag about it. It's not a terribly expensive car (I only financed about 10k on it), so I'm certainly no Ferrari driving sports car enthusiast from the country club. As for weight, between this and other threads I thought I had put it into perspective well enough but it seems I must have chosen some poor words somewhere along the way. I'm no 150 lb beefcake with ripped abs if that's what anyone thought. If the Self Improvement thread is the one in question, that is not referring specifically to weight alone, though it did become the focus (unfortunately) because it's so easy to draw analogies to many things from it. I believe I also made sure to indicate that not only is it more a personal standard I hold myself to (but that I also think bettering oneself in any way possible is great), but that only the upper spectrum into morbid obesity is truly a problem. I only wanted to indicate that I feel it's right for a person to do their best for someone they care about, but if a person actually identifies with their weight then it becomes one of those things that defines that person (which as discussed ought not to be changed since it would change who that person is). To put it into perspective, I don't identify with my weight so it doesn't define who I am and I am comfortable changing it. I even work hard to do so. For others it may very well be a part of them, either by choice or by circumstance. If they identify with it, then it would be wrong to change it. I hope that clarifies it a little. I've been around both overweight and underweight people my whole life, and the only time it truly concerned me was in the more extreme cases. For example, I know people that are in bad enough shape now that they almost can't walk. Sometimes things like chairs wear down quickly and even break (which can be both dangerous and expensive to keep replacing). They only occasionally leave their house because it's truly painful. It doesn't make me care any less about them, but it is truly concerning to me. They actually used to be so slender that it was unhealthy. If you compare the before and after it's like a whole different person, and they aren't comfortable with it. I feel that a person should be comfortable with their appearance, so if they can accept their weight they should, and if they can't they should work on it. This applies to other things besides weight as well. Basically, if someone is in good enough health that they can get around just fine, or attend conventions without literally collapsing, their weight isn't a problem. I did know someone with a major thyroid problem when I was a child, so I do understand and can appreciate that some people literally have no control of it. They had a partner and a couple kids back then, so they seemed to be getting along in life just fine. I know a bigger guy that gets around fine and holds down jobs without a problem. It is in dangerous territory, but he holds it very well and I don't feel that he's ugly because of it at all. In his case, it's not nearly as big of a deal despite him being a little bit larger than the other person. Perhaps I should have mentioned that sooner. Now it would help him in relationships and prevent future health problems if he did decide to trim off a couple hundred pounds, but as a friend I have no problem with the way he is and it doesn't seem to be holding him back much. He doesn't seem to be self conscious because of it at all, and you'll never see him being depressed or in self pity because of it. He's comfortable with himself and feels no shame over it, so for him there's no problem with it. Perhaps if he were terribly self conscious of it or something it would be a good idea for him to work on it so that he wouldn't be depressed, but that's not the case for him because he's not ashamed of it. That earns serious respect in my book. I do apologize for the contention I caused. I was never intending to turn this or any other thread into a fat shaming thread or something like that. In fact I felt as though I was defending a little extra weight a page ago. Though admittedly I am not always tactful in how I approach things, so I will try to keep that in mind in the future. I do hope that the additional clarification hasn't just made things worse. It definitely wasn't my intention to get on either of your bad sides with anything I said. I've seen pictures the both of you posted and see zero problem with your appearance. You are not even close to what I had in mind for weight issues. I know and used to know people literally larger than both of you combined. I've browsed around the forums a bit and the both of you seem like cool people. I was not intending to antagonize either of you (or others reading any of this and feeling upset by it) in any way shape or form. Also, just for the record, you don't have to worry about calling me out on something. I'm not really one to get all that angry, so no one needs to worry about me going after them with personal attacks and retaliating or anything over disagreeing with me. Some of the things I've posted I've even hoped to see discussion and conflicting opinions on, so that I can see where everyone is coming from (such as the Self Improvement thread). I even prefer that I be called out directly, so that if I'm wrong on something I can see it or if I'm right clarify or defend my opinion. If you spoke to me in person, you'd quickly see that it's fairly difficult for me to come across as arrogant. I tend to be fairly passive in my speech mannerisms and am very soft spoken unless I'm irritable, which isn't often. Unfortunately I'm not always eloquent enough to control the tone with which the things I type come across.

Well, there is nothing wrong with being passionate about fitness. And I can appreciate your enthusiasm for promoting the idea of people that are suffering from obesity to try to loose weight. This is not a terrible thing. But, like you even said, you've been on multiple threads and cited people overweight people and morbidly obese in a lot of your posts. After seeing a pattern of this, it starts making people uncomfortable in regards to whatever subject it may be and possibly even that person. I am not myself morbidly obese. I enjoy a generally active lifestyle (though less than I'd like it to be! D:) I do have some extra weight on me. I don't generally judge or have expectations about weight because I generally think when you expect stuff like that you're being unrealistic and also limiting yourself. This is especially so in the otakudom. My problem is, however that people have expressed that they have been feeling judged, and this is driving them away from the forums. I have gathered that a lot of the people that are being "driven" away from the forums are mostly female, and sensitive about their weight. Now that I have taken notice to a greater number of grievances I felt like speaking up myself. I kind of want to help regain the feelings that people seem to be nostalgically looking back on. I also want to help you out, and give you a better chance of meeting someone by pointing out how it stands out and mostly makes people uncomfortable. Honestly, if I were skinny I'd still feel less attracted to someone that goes on about people's weight. I suggest if you are going to discuss people's weight loss, perhaps make a fitness thread. Maybe everyone can share what they are up to, their goals, and routines they do. Have people helping each other out with their goals. I'd share my progress with the fitness challenge I'm into right now, I'm doing the 30 day ab and 30 day squat at the same time. lol I'd definitely be for a thread like that, and contribute to the conversation. :)

I wasnt trying to be mean or anything, like I said, I know your intentions weren't ill willed, I just felt bad that the people who I talked to were a little hurt by it, so I felt like I had to speak up. I meant no offense :) I think youre a great guy with a lot of great posts from what I've read, and I mean that. I appreciate you coming and letting them know you didnt mean to be hurtful, I am sure that will mean a lot to them :) I have much respect for that.

It is admittedly a fairly touchy topic, so if discussing it at all makes people so uncomfortable I will refrain in the future. It was all with positive intentions, and was not intended to call anyone out about their weight to make them feel self conscious. I believe I reiterated many times that having extra weight is not a bad thing, up to the point of deteriorating health. And as I also stated a number of times, some people carry weight well even then (I even demonstrated an example in the previous post). You yourself said, "as long a they are healthy." That's really what the main point was, along with the hope of perhaps motivating people to strive to improve. Myself included. To me positive change is always a good thing, but perhaps others don't feel that way. If a person is truly secure and comfortable with themselves, that is excellent and they shouldn't change. If they haven't come to terms with themselves, why not strive to do so whether it's by change or accepting themselves? I think it would be great if everyone had self confidence in the various aspects of themselves and a positive self image. Building self confidence and self image doesn't necessarily require any sort of change, unless a person simply can't accept themselves as they are (i.e. their own opinion, not that of others). It wasn't even supposed to be strictly about weight, but then I don't know how many people read everything to the end so perhaps some of the points I made were missed entirely. Weight became the analogy for many things, but unfortunately those many things were not considered by the end. Maybe they would have been sore spots too though, so perhaps it's best that everyone stopped when they heard weight and didn't consider the other aspects of one's life. I made the point about transportation for instance, and it should have been clear that it's safety and upkeep that I had in mind, rather than driving this model vs that model, this color or that color, or an expensive car vs a cheap car. I've driven plain old sedans, minivans, trucks, and my coupe. The only time I felt any of them were a problem was when the upkeep was poor (all but the coupe belonged to family, I just used them to get around until I got my car). For example, the vans smelled and had no heat or AC. One had an enormous dent with a bunch of plastic clips still stuck to the side where the trim was ripped off. The truck was the worst because of a similar enormous dent, sun peeling paint, busted out back window, constant stalling, sometimes smoke and the smell of gasoline and breaking down, bad tires, brakes that gave your leg a workout, and the laziest steering wheel you have ever seen. It was literally an unsafe vehicle, and to me a problem that needed to be addressed. There are many such things I had in mind. If I would have specifically addressed them all, I'd have written a novel. Looking back, even that would have saved some typing. It also seems that I gave the impression that weight and appearance are intrinsically interlocked. I have seen plenty of people of various weights who are attractive, and just as many that I don't personally find attractive. A person can be skinny and unattractive to me, or overweight and still very attractive. Or vice versa, but the reverse seems to be the negative context that I appear to have been given. Attractiveness was only one of many possible factors (such as health or self confidence) that weight can influence, but not that it necessarily does in any or all cases. Even attractiveness itself isn't the whole point. It's merely a factor in the many things that make a person desirable to someone else. I do want to state that I bear no ill will nor negative feelings towards anyone here or the things about them I have seen. There's plenty of cool people around here, and there's nothing specific about any specific people here I had in mind. I was first and foremost generalizing in the hopes that everyone could get something out of it, in one form or another. Nearly all of the things I have stated were with personal reflection in mind, and the understanding that there are probably people with some of the same problems I have/had, who likewise see them as problems and do want to change. For those that don't want to change, that is perfectly fine. I have not found myself disliking a single person here. You did call me out specifically on my weight and appearance, and that's fine. I do see that I'm not perfect, and in fact am working to improve myself because of it. My feelings aren't particularly hurt by it, since I have come to terms with myself and what I feel I need to change. I even appreciate the feedback, since it lets me know that I'm not there yet and still have work to do. If people are feeling judged by me, I do apologize for that. I don't even know most of the people here, and in fact probably haven't even seen some of the people that may have read what I have posted. I can't judge someone I've never seen or heard from even if I did want to, and I certainly don't want to drive them away from this forum. Moreover my hope was that people would post in the thread with their rationalities. I don't mind people disagreeing with me. It's part of life. I'd love it if everyone were open and would tell me what exactly they felt was hurtful or judgmental. At least that way I could explain myself if it's merely a misunderstanding or re-evaluate my opinion, rather than continuing on unawares that there is a problem. I wouldn't have even known if you hadn't brought it up to me, and for that I thank you. I did try to make it a point to put my opinion out there of you and Jikokun as well so that you would better understand how I see it. Neither of you are near morbid obesity, truly a far cry from what I've seen and had in mind as far as weight goes, and frankly there's no problem with either of your appearances. You're both in better shape than plenty of people I know/have known. If you felt that I was judging you in particular at any time, know that such was not the case. You look just fine to me, and the thought never crossed my mind that you have a need to change. I'm not sure if it's what I'm typing or the tone with which it's being read that is giving off the wrong impression. A fitness thread does sound like a good idea though, but admittedly it feels like it may come across the wrong way now if I post it at this point. If someone else wants to start such a thread, I may participate. I've been to the gym off and on for a long time so I have some general knowledge that may be of assistance to those interested in fitness or strength training. I do commend you for taking fitness into your own hands, and wish you the best of luck with it. I've never felt happier, healthier, and more energetic than when I've been working out on a steady basis. It can strongly impact self image, as well as health, while also blowing off some steam to keep stress levels down. You've given me quite a bit to think about, so I appreciate the time you took discuss it with me. @Jikokun: thanks, I appreciate your understanding. It seems I've got a bit to learn about controlling tone and wording when it comes to tough topics.

If you want to further go into anything take it to wall posts so we don't flood up the thread. It's getting derailed and starting to become dramatic looking. There are things I will address gladly if you do so this way.

As a fat guy, I don't have an issue with a girl's weight as long as it doesn't present health risks, like being extremely overweight or underweight. It would be hypocritical for me to expect someone to not care about my weight while at them same time judging others for theirs.