Clouded Reflection

Relaxing Video Game Music in a Cozy Room (Nintendo 64) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ_wEoW8Qcg

I used to have close friends growing up in my younger years in middle school. After moving away, I struggled maintaining friendships and haven't been able to form close bonds with anyone. In most cases I find myself tolerating most people while at the same time doing what I can to show appreciation when someone makes an effort to be my friend. People come and go, and after some years I find myself not really having any friends. I've been okay with that, preferring to be alone but occasionally I wonder if its okay and normal to not have any friends into your adult life. Are the close bonds you form in your childhood simply don't happen anymore later on in your life (what changes in your opinion)? Looking back, the main thing I miss is being able to call up a friend at the odd hours of the night if I have a problem, or falling asleep over the phone with them talking about random things and hanging out together playing video games or going out for walks and having a good time. Nowadays my job doesn't really allow me to have much free time, so keeping up with friends (if I had any) will be challenging. Maybe life happens and contributes to this? I notice that in recent years (being older) making friends is challenging. There is usually things that are out of my control that makes it hard to maintain friendships. Circumstances that results in people being at odds with each other whether it be jealousy or newfound resentment (whether it be justified or not) getting in the way causing a rift in the friendship. Things just seem more complicated now compared to back then. It's no longer, hey we share the same interest so let's talk? Now there are so many factors... whether it has to do with you personally or or simply things that are totally out of your control) that come into play in all stages of a friendship from the initial meeting, maintaining the friendship and so on.