Confessions

yeah bf-kuns offered to install a new graphics card in there, but im worried that if that happens it may not turn on again ;w;!!!

i confess im more suited to talk someone into suicide as opposed to talking them out of it iv thought about it alot and the pros and cons do not match

i think discussing why life is meaningless is funner and more productive than why its meaningful i confess i just started dumbbell nan kilo moteru and im not 10 minutes in but i know hibiki is best girl https://66.media.tumblr.com/45697344c787ac60584630a1f7c3073e/tumblr_pomo80r88p1uzwbyjo4_500.gif

I always have condescending thoughts about others, but would never say anything to someone's face. In fact, if I were to think of any single person that I would be condescending toward, I'd just feel terrible about it because I don't dislike anyone nearly enough to be that much of a prick to them. I think it's because I've always been so hyper-competitive and thought of life as a binary "win/lose" outcome.

I honestly wish I didn't have this sort of mindset, being a relatively mellow person in literally every other circumstance. Maybe it's because of all these years of working singularly to be the "best" at the one thing that I think matters, so as long as that pillar is there I can feel relaxed/aloof in every other regard. Life can be enjoyed in so many different ways, and it really is what you make of it. But I know deep inside this binary "win/lose" dynamic is still at play in the deepest recesses of my mind as I try to suppress it and be an open-minded person.

I confess feeling angry and sad right now... https://cdn.myanimelist.net/s/common/uploaded_files/1453262679-fd7868f00c8b7b4e1accd7dd574b7a19.gif