Confessions

I confess that even though I'm doing quite well lately, there's always this feeling that somehow I'm broken. My best female friend and I sometimes write gloomy poetic things to each other that are mostly poetic because they are in English and neither of us is English. Last night I wrote this to her: "You are one of the few people who watches me and sees a broken man. Why is the whole world blind? I saw your lack of soul from the moment I met you, yet somehow I was drawn to it's absence, while we mostly life of others' souls. You are different too" It used to make me sad to feel broken. Now it just makes me proud. I see people cover up their scars and I'm walking around: "Hey, did you see this one already? This is from the time I said something mean about my sister. It opens up every time I feel sad and makes me think about that moment ever again." If after some shit I can still feel as good as this, I must be doing okay ^^ (I'm of course talking metaphorically. There are no self-inflicted scars on my body ^^) @Tea Did you like that confession? XD I now feel as though every confession must be approved under examination of the strict Ms. Tea =P

I confess that i feel empty its a numb and dull feeling but i don't mind it would rather feel empty than hurt all the time by some one whom i would love.

@Ether I confess that I rather feel too much than nothing at all. When my dog died I wasn't able to feel anything for almost a week. It made me so incredibly terrified for almost reaching my bad side again. In the end I did feel something... a whole lot of something indeed. It was really comforting to say to myself that it hurt like hell

I confess that even though I went through some shitty stuff in my life, I know of many whose shit is much sappier ~.^ Some of them are just not able to confess anymore...

I confess that you're right @sanfi im sorry to hear of the passing of your dog :( though you are right life is an accumulation of experiences and feelings are attached to each experience. if you're not feeling in a sense you're not living been thinking of this today and im quite done feeling empty I want to fill the void. Maybe love is the answer but to find love is a treacherous journey all on its own. Ps I like your sappy confessions seems to me that you found some one special cx

It's a hard choice. There are times the empty feeling is a thousand times better compared to the painful alternative. But Sanfi is right. Empty is no way to be either. Our lives are the accumulation of all our experiences(good and bad). No experience = no feelings = not living life. I've been both, and it's better to have things in your life worth having feelings for. Because the painful times will come whether you have happy memories to counter them or not. And the painful times WILL come. There's no hiding from them. Nothing ventured. Nothing gained. Only time, chances, and happiness lost. And time is something we never get back.

I confess that I always try to bury most if not all of my emotions. The only one I leave alone is happiness. But aside from that, I tend to look as if I don't care about anything normally anyway. Like a friend of mine thought I was a bad person for wanting to go to a New Year's Day Parade with her when my grandfather died the day before. But I told her that I was fine and I just deal with death a lot differently than others. But anyone would think that you don't care when you don't cry when family dies.