Random Stuff from My Documents

The man sits there contemplating himself while drinking his tea. Looking back he remembers his childhood as a scared little crybaby afraid of many things who’d cry alone with no one around. His parents were focused on his holder siblings while he was sent to do activities then later picked up. Throughout his younger days from 5th grade to 11th he wandered life bouncing between clicks never really finding who he was or a place he could belong to. Every time he found somewhere to pass the time it would end just as fast as he found it. Entering college was no change. He found a group to have a few hours a day to have fun with. However, no real connection as he realized later in his academic years that all that was a farce people played. He was deceived. Those who were friends from High school had long since departed from his life. Hardly a word spoken back as to ask how he was doing or what he’s been up to. Only the occasional “Hi” or “what’s up?” was said maybe once in the span of 3 year from his close friends or what he considered to be so. As he pondered and looked back he realized that he himself was empty. Infatuations or intriguing feelings he gained were to try and fill the whole that never ceases to grow. His whole life he had placed a mask on himself not letting people in. At first it was once or twice, a few times, periodically than finally became an everyday occurrence. His true face of who he really is has been repeatedly mistaken for feeling unwell or down. Truth be told, the man just hasn’t found anything that he feels passionate about. When he does he’s alone in wishing to partake in it so he just blows it off. It was a habit he had developed while still not of legal age. His parents had constantly nagged him of every waking hour they could that he had to study and focus on his academics. They didn’t care about his social wellbeing which ended up costing him his emotional wellbeing.

He stoops lower into darkness. As he gets up to throw away the can of tea had drank he sees a picture of his ex who he used to date. The one person who he let it and thought he could be himself as well as find more about who he could be. Sadly didn’t end well and he plunged further into believing that he could evolve into something more. “I had found a beautiful rose. The rose captivated me and drew me closer to its radiance. Didn’t realize the rose had thorns and while I picked it the thorns grabbed me. It was painful when the rose was snatched from my very hands leaving a wound greater than any wound I had ever experienced.” This thought came to his mind. Why was he so set on this rose when he knew the rose wouldn’t be as beautiful if he plucked it and kept ahold of it? Knowing this he still had grabbed it and held onto it for so long.

Going back to the couch he realized it was not because he found it beautiful, nor because it was alluring and calling for him. He grabbed it and held onto it because he wanted something close. Something he liked to be near him. Relating to other things in life, he never had anything really be there for him. When he did, he didn’t know what to do and tossed it aside because it was strange for there to be something there for him. As he now is looking at the pair of orchids on the patio that he views occasionally he smiles. He realized he didn’t really want something to be with him as his own. He wanted something to just be there for him as he has for others. But sadly there is never a calling asking for him. Ironically this does not faze him, but really lifts his spirits a little. He knows what he truly wants and hopes for but at the same time he frowns because he knows his dull personality makes shim perceive things seriously. While he thought this through and walked into the garden, his hand reaches for another rose instinctively. “The rose was beautiful, I knew it had thorns. But I can’t let go because it’s too painful.” He knows he will have to let go. When he does it’ll hurt, he knows, but he will smile because the rose can grow even more on its own. It’ll be more beautiful tomorrow than it is today. When it grows, he’ll be watching and tending to any problems that will arise.