How to convince myself to end it all

not to be THAT guy.. but theres always these people out there who ask for help and when ppl come to give it they throw it to the side and just start attacking others. tbh i just view these people as attention whores. whether they actually need help or not when they act like this ima be real they can do what they want idc.

You say you don't care, but deep down I think you do or you at least once did. You can have flaws. We all do. However, at the very least avoid words like fa* and ni**er. Not good

I'm going to tell it straight. Most people don't want to be friends with you because it's a chore trying to coddle someone who is dragging you down all the time. When I had depression I would constantly complain to my friend and she told me straight up that every time I complained to her it was like a dark cloud over her head and she didn't want to be dragged down anymore so she cut me off. I was being an emotional vampire. People have their own shit to deal with, so why be saddled with yours? A healthy person doesn't need to sap off of others to be fulfilled in life. If you can't love yourself, why should anybody else? It's the ugly truth. You have to change or you will always keep hitting the same wall. Take my advice or not, doesn't matter to me either way.

I agree with @arc Its okay to occasionally go to your friends for help. It is also okay to have flaws and occasional outburts because true friends wouldn't abandon you if they already knew about you and your problems. However, its extremely difficult babysitting someone 24/7. Especially somebody who lashes out at people in a very negative fashion. Like I told a guy here who constantly complains on his profile because he's lonely: People like strong people who can share their happiness. Happy/Strong people can have bad days. Depression is also okay to have. However, you never want to lose that fighting spirit because once you become a shell who needs relationships and others for happiness, you've officially become somebody who lacks something that is needed. Friendship goes both ways. Dating does too. Nobody likes mentally weak people (submissive people are okay, but you can be confident and submissive).