Why are you single?

I'm mainly single because I'm very reserved and enjoy being myself i'm not into the party scene or weed culture heck I don't even drink but besides all (I do not judge those who do its just my preference) that i'm very into intellectual people that focus more on reality more than finding an escape in life I like being in the moment more than in my head thinking 24/7 but from what I noticed most people are into the above things I stated so it really narrows down my options when it comes to dating even friendships that's all there is to it really.

I have had a few relationships but never seem to hold them. Either I get busy or they get busy. Also, I am an introvert IRL, but I tend to open up to people who I know. I just wish that I can get into an actual relationship one day.

I don't know if it's the fact that everything in my life I've had to do on my own, even as a kid, so by that reality, I don't have the desire to put in effort to "chase" women that I don't even know have the value that I want in them. Are they gonna put in 100% like I will? And then there's the fact that the last time I got close to anything, I only got attention when I was a teen that didn't even care one bit about romance, though it was someone that was unstable, it was SOMETHING I guess... And then the moment I gave any attention, it went south. Sure, pretty much all of it is the issue of me, but a part of me wants to blame the fact I'm in a city that is primarily old people, so my only option is the internet, yet the internet is devoid of connection, but the last time I got close to anything, was through the internet. Doomed if you do, doomed if you don't. It's no wonder I so easily took the easy way, going the waifu laifu route, two times. So why am I single? Either it ain't time yet, or I'm too far gone to even be able to. All I can do is pray for the answer.

https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/023/021/e02e5ffb5f980cd8262cf7f0ae00a4a9_press-x-to-doubt-memes-memesuper-la-noire-doubt-meme_419-238.jpg

The most I socialise is at a very small boardgaming group, or when I have the chance while volunteering at a charity shop. My life has been one of social distancing. I was lucky in education; the fellow students there socialised with me. In Primary School. Secondary was hit/miss with no recognition of any attempts at advancements. I wasn't able to tell what was a lie/trick/deception or what was legitimate as I had a hunch of the former when [female student] tells [male student] [female student 2] is interested in them. I became a ghost. Living, but unseen. Unheard. The most approach I've had from the opposite sex was... A lesson to be held to heart, and a person better let forgotten. In fact they wanted to become male the entire time, so already I was challenged, if not torn. That was after the better half of 7-9 years of trying to use sites/apps like Tinder, Bumble (when women got to make the move), PoF, etc - all of which did no good for my mental health. So as a male, I already suffer from many popular trends applied to my sex; being expected to be the initiator for just about everything, to know all the social and sociological nuances to 'get it right' when every person is different and has different assumptions about what you'll screw up next... I don't know what to say. Even the captcha is shaming me for my apparent failure to comply with the status quo. I simply yearn for a tall, curvaceous member of the opposite sex to cuddle with, whom I can spoil rotten with company, gaming, and my brand of honesty. In exchange for much the same (if not moreso) and a bit of a nudge for co-op existence. I yearn for them to guide the relationship, because I? I am tired. Exhausted from my exertions in my attempts to reach out in what I'd call desparation. When will the morals of our genders flip just enough that they get that courageous fire in them to push? // Edit: Don't know what happened with the formatting here. It just collapsed into a mess. Rather apt, because that's how I feel on the grand scale of things; helpless.

pretty simple, I'm not a very intimate person so it takes awhile for me to warm up to people. Then most people don't want to take that time. Or they get freaked out when I wear my binder around them. I was actually talking to someone for awhile a few years ago but then when we decided to do a shopping trip to get some new boy shirts they stopped talking to me.

In the past, young stupid man with dumb ideas and little experience. Recently, I lose interest and see them less and less until either I can justify a break up or they break up with me. Stay toxic homies.