Do you like who you are?

I hate my emotional responses to things. I've tried to deaden myself with logic and reason. This is not to say I flip out over things, it's just that when I do it's very extra. I can remain calm and cool until a breaking point. The breaking point weakness and strength dependant on my hormones, mental and emotional state. I have spent my life speculating on what I would like to do with my life, what my goals should be, and then struggling with the various inabilities to achieve those goals. Life is not what you want or expect, and not everything in it is within your control. When I ponder all the things I need to work on internally vs all the things that happen externally I get exhausted. Sometimes I wonder if people cope with the idea of death by reminding themselves how horrible shit is, how horrible life can be. I've recently bought a journal to work through these feelings and thoughts I've had. I don't feel there is anyone I can share them with be it a matter of gender, age, intelligence. I give bits and pieces to myself to the people I talk to and if they were to go together would they make a beautiful mosaic? I doubt.

I was a lot gloomer and life-weary some months ago. But, my rising success doing things I like (mainly spriting) and recently my correction of sleeping habits made me like myself a bit more. Although I am still prone of throwing a lot of insults to myself and feeling a bit unworthy to others.

I absolutely love myself. But don't worry it's not in an obnoxious way, I don't go every sentence saying how great I am. Because I'm not. I just enjoy most the "bad" parts of myself. I think it has a positive effect on people. The really neurotic friends I have became more carefree and can see the silver lining in things after seeing how I deal with disaster/problems.