Keeping my sanity

I didnt care so why do you? Wait im talking to myself, why am i stupid enough to argue with myself about how i act? Im the one in control right?.... maybe not cause it doesnt feel like it, if i was i wouldnt be in the position i am in right? Maybe i am here because i am in control tho, cause i cant do anything right, except the useless stuff that doesnt actually affect my life

I cant lie down because of the thoughts that rush thru my head... about the past... about you... about where I would be or what i would be doing if you were still here.. and if im not thinking about that im thinking about pain.. literal pain... Why cant i forget the pain, it was so long ago...

I wonder what will stick around longer, the mental scars or the physical ones, I guess that depends on me tho... If i pass it along.. I wonder if it would make it easier. I dont think i have it in me tho, im not an angry person even when i want or need/should be

I still think about that time together hiding... trying not to make a sound while grabbing ur foot to stop the bleeding, we shouldnt have gone home that day... we decided to run away we should have stayed gone... we were kids tho, where would we have gone... How far could a 10 year old get

I have only been "drunk" 4 times in my life, my old friends got mad at me cause i didnt throw up on my 21st birthday... they dont know about my past tho, I have too many reasons not to drink... i dont want to become the people i grew up around

I was a happy drunk tho, I talked more and actually interacted with people, maybe thats why they would always try to get me to drink with them... maybe im not friends with them anymore because i wouldnt