Thoughts on Involuntary Celebates(incels)

To be honest, this is something of a touchy subject for me. As far as I see it, there's two toxic sides to this debate: the incels themselves and the people that are quick to judge. Now, following OP's post, I need not get into why incels are annoying, obnoxious, toxic, etc. To be honest, my worst experiences have come from judgemental people that like to group all late-age virgins with incels. I'm gonna be honest, I'm (almost) 32, and I'm still a virgin. This wasn't my choice, and it took me years (and about 6 months of therapy) to acknowledge that maybe this isn't 100% my fault. But when you turn to the internet, if you've never had a girlfriend or never had sex, it's because you must be a terrible person. And being a late-age virgin, people tend to automatically group you in with the incels. I find this judgement to be incredibly toxic and harmful. See, after seeing these judgements over and over and over, I sometimes start to think "omg, I must be one of them. I'm still single because I must be a horrible, awful person". That isn't the answer either. Please don't think I'm defending the actual incels. I've seen them on this site, and I'm now capable of acknowledging that I have nothing in common with them beyond being stuck in a very long dry spell. The point I'm trying to make is, peoples' circumstances aren't always the same. Before automatically judging someone over whether or not they've ever been in a relationship, you need to ask yourself "Do I know the series of events that have contributed to this person being where they are?" Maybe someone is just a hopeless ass hole. Maybe they've been mistreated/abused. Maybe they've just never been fortunate enough to meet someone they really click with. It's really hard to better yourself when you're constantly being knocked lower and lower. It's true that a relationship is rarely the solution to life's problems, but it is also true that sometimes a little care and affection, and to just be told you're not the worst person in the world, can do a person a world of good. Whether you're a good or bad person, the loneliness of being a late age virgin is incredibly painful; I guarantee if you're not in this situation yourself that it's a pain you just can not understand. I'm 32 and both love and sex are still a complete mystery to me. And whether you're blaming women or blaming yourself, it is so fucking hard to keep moving forward, and to have any hope that things can maybe still change. Depending on the circumstances little bit of empathy and encouragement can actually be far more helpful than just being judgemental, and writing someone off because you think your own experience somehow makes you vastly more knowledgeable/worthy than they are.

MGTOW is a good ideology but just like feminism, there is always those who are extremists. MGTOW was intended to be a voice for men's right since society today has quite a double standard between the genders. For example, the court system. Personally, I like the idea of MGTOW but of course don't always agree with everything in regards to it.

A main source is how these people were raised. We've started to see the full consequences of the "everyone is special" philosophy where people are taught that they don't have to make compromises in order people to like them and all they need to do is "be yourself."

So much to say, but gotta get some sleep. I'll expand later, but I generally see two types of incels. Constructive and destructive. Constructive incels build those around them up, and cultivate themselves as individuals, despite what nature may have given them to work with. Destructive tear those around them down, and blame the world for the way they are. No person is entirely one or another, but those who predominantly remain constructive have my respect, as I know from personal experience how it is to not be compromised by the world like that. However, I have little respect for those who are predominantly destructive for the most part. As someone who peaked rather late in life, I was of course an incel for more than half my life so far. And I just kinda see these guys as a slap in the face to those who manage to keep it together.

@judgementoftherain I hope I didn't make you think I was pointing fingers at you in my previous post. It wasn't my intention to grill anyone; anytime I said "you", I meant it entirely rhetorically. I do agree with you there, and I agree with Chocopyro as well.