Past or current relationship(s)

I had LDR's mostly. Only maybe 3 irl that ended on good notes but we kept off contact, the current relationship that ended awhile ago was a LDR with her coming here mostly. But, it turns out she cheated 2 weeks before coming.. The funny part was that we were engaged. All and all.. We're going our separate ways now. It hurts that she did it. A lot. But take it from me. Use these past relationships to learn from them. It'll hurt, but you at least you'll make less mistakes or any if you didn't make them in your last ones. Ride the storm. Don't let the storm ride you.

well I'll be personally honest with all of you where I've had good relationships and I have had bad relationships and most of the time my relationships have been long-term or just short-term but mostly long distant. it always feels like the same routine where I get into a relationship with someone and there's always that catch that is in the back of my mind to wonder what is what is it that they want? you are my be wondering what do you mean what they want but it is the fact that nobody says I love you so early in a relationship and then the next moment say I hate you or go fuck yourself or why did we get into a relationship in the first place? It's because the fact that I am not that person where I am going to roll with somebody's life choices that are negative has I'm not that type of guy that is going to say oh that's good or go that's bad or oh this are old that like I am that type of person that would be honest with who I'm with and try my best to make sure that the relationship it's good like for instance if I'm role playing with someone that I'm dating I would want them to be active and have it long term but if the relationship is not active and the person long-term or a long-distance in a way is having other things that's going on in their life then it won't work. if the person is close to me then I would be okay with that but then there is also that catch where what they do for a living or what they attend to do if I am living on my own or staying in a apartment or staying in my own place what are they going to do for me or my future children? like I always ask myself these questions and not just jump into a relationship without trying to get to know the person because as soon as I I am aware of what kind of person they are I only have one last test and that is the pop the question test and seriously I would pull this test even if it's a bad thing to do it still that tests that I would do to see what their reaction will be after a few days because I learned that when it comes down to the whole pop the question thing it always comes down to how they act when they are in engaged mode as that's when the real person comes out of the closet. Seriously it happens to so many people and it's no wonder why a lot of people feel that marriage is overrated . Only one relationship that I've ever been in has ever been I'm slightly good terms. Because long story short all the relationships that I've ever been in have been problematic and very stressful where stuff happened that are either not good in my perspective and seem crazy in the long term. I know I made a million mistakes and I hate the fact that I've made those mistakes but at the same time a lot of these relationships that I've been through is seriously frustrating or just pisses me off to the point where I'm like are you serious? you know like that time where you have this time with someone and then it feels like they repeat the same thing that they've done for you but they do it for somebody else it's like are you serious right now. Like no originality at all. but I'm not one to hate on anybody else's ideas or what they feel is romantic at all as I'm just saying that when it comes to the people I have dated it's kind of frustrating.

I've had a good share of relationships myself and almost all of them were really good if mostly short and didn't work out. While I don't regret dating any of them, my last three relationships ended in incredibly depressing ways despite how great they were going for reasons I would rather not go into publicly and because of those, I feel it's best to not make dating a primary focus right now. While I would love to date more and I'm open to the idea if someone can really capture my heart but I feel I definitely need to focus heavily on myself, my life is still not in the best spot right now so I'm working on getting a better job, saving up for my own place, finding new hobbies, creating new good habits, etc. So I'd want to keep working on myself so I can be a good dependable partner - as for finding someone to potentially date, I've learned from the past to never rush, even if it's someone you like right off the bat. I'd rather take my time building something up for a month or so before I feel comfortable dating someone in a proper official way. Plus gauging whether someone is right for me and I'm right for them is super important to me now because you never know how you feel about someone until you've really spent some quality time with them, there are times where I've dated girls and ended up seeing them just as friends and vice versa. I'd rather avoid that you know? But I still like being cute and pervy lewd stuff is always fun, I'm a young healthy adult so no wonder haha! So while I can be pretty damn lonely sometimes and quite envious of (but also really happy for) friends who are really happy with their partners, I feel I'm making the right choice for myself and whoever I'll end up with in the future - so hopefully I can get my shit sorted sooner rather than later because I'm a romantic at heart!