Loner, but not really

the only people i always end up hanging out with are homeless people and crazy people. i was homeless and im kinda crazy so it works

Yes! I don't know how to be myself, though. :C I have one group where I can be myself, but I'm still not quite sure if that's being myself.

Surprisingly i can relate a bit to what u said.. i also act differently with different set of people, but in my case my 'likes' or 'thoughts' or 'opinions' dont change! just the behaviour changes(i dont have conflicts like 'I FUCKING HATE NURTURE. I FUCKING LOVE NATURE' i either love it in all interactions or hate it).. I once had a similar issue like urs where i was trying to find the real me out of these personalities i show (years ago.. back when i was as immature as u) but then it all clicked to me, i dont feel uncomfortable changing my behaviour with different people! Infact i am not putting any effort in it.. its happening naturally!! So i started thinking that THEY ALL DEFINE ME, its not necessary that 'i' have to be defined by a single set of behaviour, all those behaviours and change in behaviours define me.. but unlike me your 'opinions' about things change with different individuals and that makes u a whole lot different from me since u r just kinda agreeing to whatever the other person's opinion is without ur own stand in it.. that means either 1. u dont want to oppose others or 2. u get influenced easily by others! If its the 1st case then instead of working on 'who' u really are (coz whatever u do defines u, there is no internal special personality which defines u and only u know about it) u should work on keeping a stand on your opinons and opposing others who go against it even if it turns into a debate or sex whichever thing happens there.. Now if its the second case then being easily influenced by others into agreeing to their opinions DEFINES YOU! i am not sure how u can change it, but i dont see anything majorly wrong with it.. if u dont like how U R then u can work on it and try to change how easily u get influenced by others (google it) but by doing that u r not really finding REAL YOU instead u r changing/improving the REAL YOU! But whatever u do understandning your traits and knowing more about urself is always good, like since u know u get easily influenced by others u should be extra suspicious of people when an important decision needs to be taken(or a product need to be bought) and take advice only from extreemely trustfull people! That was just an example of how the knowledge of 'yourself' can help you. Overall i would give u few advices which i hope u get easily influenced by: 1. Being lost and trying to find the 'real' you is pointless and waste of time since you are defined by what u do and there is no fictional inner personality which magically exists! Even if u find something like that it would be imaginary and u would just try to replicate it with extra efforts 2. Knowing more about yourself is always good! And u can do it by simply observing ur actions and emotions and seeing how u react with different set of people and globally what common traits u have (eg. Getting easily influenced irrespective of the set of group infront of u) 3. Personality is not exactly defined and is very malleable through both external stimuli and internal efforts so feel free to experiment with urself, put efforts and change ur qualities which u dont desire or which u want to have.. but in the end all that mattets is Peace of mind!

Coz of the similarity i mentioned between u and me.. even i mix up with all the groups and belong to no specefic group! But i do have close friends(either from the same group or from other groups) and are usually less in number and i mostly hangout more with them.. tbh i dont like group system, it would be soo much better if all of them could juat mix up together!

I get influenced easily, my opinions don't change around people but because of people. I like opposing people :) That makes a lot of sense. There's no point in being lost, because you are you, and your actions define you. If you are searching for yourself, it's like looking for your own eyes. They're right there. Yes, I want to know more about myself, I think. I observe a lot, but not myself. Usually I observe others, because I want the experience of just knowing what to say in certain situations. I'm afraid I say the wrong thing, making me more weird for that group or making me not belong in the group, or something. Though, one of the points I was kind of trying to make, is that I belong to no "Inner friend group", which bothers me a little. I miss out on parties, and the majority of the fun. For that last thing, I need to start doing that again. I'm trying to get myself back as a whole, not (heart)broken. Thanks a shit load man!

OH! thanks for posting here enki <3 Uhm right update: I'm still influenced very easily by others, but I've learned to deal with it. Another thing: Yesterday I was talking to an alter of a person with DID and she kept insulting me, and something inside broke me. I don't know why, I have a pretty thick wall setup for everyone and it feels like a crack formed in that wall. But I also linked a bunch of problems together talking to her! It felt really good, I knew all of these problems before but I never linked them together: "you see, I'd rather hurt my own feelings than someone else's and i hope one day that basically ill find the root of the issue and try to look at it from a different perspective because then ill probably find my place in society, what group i belong to be more self aware and reassured of who I am probably know who I am and i will be able to see myself above others okay- that's the first time I've linked all of my issues together and it feels fuckin good now it's just one big clusterfuck of problems fuck yeah." oh this alter was told to be nice to me but afterwards she started insulting me fyi :P I'm fine, don't worry :)