just a guy venting, feel free to ignore.

I just feel like doing a bit of ranting here. I don't expect advice/help and none of it would do me any good anyways. I doubt anyone even wants to hear this, just posting it for the sake of getting it off my chest. Seems each day is worse than the last lately. I'm getting close to 30 here and it seems like life just flew right past me. I don't even know where the last ten years went, it's all just a blur to me now.. you know, all things considered I've tried to be a decent person, but all my life that's gotten me nowhere. I've always believed in being honest and caring, trying to be there for people and help people where I could, I don't lie, cheat or steal, or have so much as a parking ticket to my name and I've got nothing to show for it. All the while horrible people treat eachother like garbage and live it up, taking things for granted I'll never get to have. The closet thing to a real friend I've ever had was only interested in taking advantage of me and my generosity while sucking my wallet dry. I've never had a real girlfriend in my life, nearest thing was a underage obese mother who I went on a single date with who I parted ways from a week latter. Whenever a halfway decent person takes interest in me they lead me on for months at a time and toy with what feelings I have left before casting me aside like garbage to run off with some random jackass they just met. Other than my inept disabled mother I have to take care of, I've really got no one in my life who gives two shits about me, and I don't think she's got long to live. Her health is degrading and all she seems to talk about lately is all the pain she's in and not having much time left, it's hard to watch. After that I'm all alone with no one to count on, no one to call, nothing. I doubt most of you reading this could even start to imagine what that would be like. I'll give it a go for a while but I think I'll just eat a bullet when it gets to that point. Isolation aside, it's simply not easy to support yourself on a single income these days. I really can't stress how alone I feel, and no one knows what it's like. Everyone's got someone, a bother, a sister, friends or relatives, or even exs. I've essentially been living like an outsider in this world, not allowed to play with the other kids. This life feels like I'm being punished for something and made to suffer, but I have no idea why. I keep trying to rationalize this but I can't figure it out. I wish people could just give me a chance. I guess everyone just assumes the worst of me right off the bat and blows me off, or if they don't they use me instead. I've met half a dozen women from this site alone who used me as emotional crunches endlessly without giving much of a crap about how I felt. I wish I had a dollar for every girl who complained to me about their crappy boyfriend/relationships or how stressful school is. I've heard it all a million times but still try to be there for them to the best of my abilities. It's hard though to sympathies when life doesn't let you have the same things. It's like complaining about the quality of your food to a starving African kid. I couldn't imagine doing half the stuff these people complain about but I've never been given the chance to show it and never will. Heck, a while back one guy in the forums here had the nerve to say people like me seemed more likely to cheat on their partners because I've never been with a woman before, and this was coming from a guy who himself admitted to cheating on his girlfriend just a few posts before. I don't know what's more mind boggling, how people can be this horrible or how people would want to date someone like that. All my life people would call me nice guy, tell me that I'd make for a good boyfriend or even a good father someday, but that's never going to happen and it feels more and more like an insult every time I hear it, as if they're mocking me or rubbing it in even though I know that's not their intention. Now I'm getting old and at my age what's available only gets worse and worse and people who have the same levels of inexperience with relationships that I do wouldn't want anything to do with me because of a number I can't change. By that I mean no woman past the age of 25 knows what it's like to never have had at least a few boyfriends. Just as well, dating someone too much younger than myself would be weird anyway. I always wanted to meet a decent person around my age I could spend many years with, grow old with, someone I could support and try to make happy to the best of my abilities. Even when I was a kid I had no interest in playing around and wanted to just meet that one person I could spend my life with. That's not going to happen though. Women around my age would rather stick it out with toxic abusive relationships than start over with a stranger like me, and those who are available are usually so for good reason. It would be nice if I could meet someone who understands what it's like to be truly alone, not someone who thinks it's lonely to be single for a few weeks, or who's only single because she refuses to stop eating so much, but someone who been ignored by this cruel horrible world for no good reason, or for reasons out of their control. Of course that's not gonna happen. I thought I might have met one such girl a while back, She really liked me and even though she wasn't at all appealing to me we stayed friends for more than a year. She made me rethink the possibly that such women could even exist. Then it turned out it was actually a guy pretending to be a girl the whole time because that was the only way he could get anyone to be nice to him. This isn't to say I'd only accept someone who's been alone all their life, everyone has their ideal fantasizes but that's just a pipedream. Besides, if someone's been lead on and used/abused themselves that's not their fault, certainly can't hold it to them. There's a lot I'd be willing to accept if the person is decent enough overall, but none of that matters when as mentioned before no one wants to give me a chance. All this doesn't stop people from saying ignorant things like "oh you'll meet someone someday" as if hearing that from people who have no idea what they're talking about is somehow going to make me feel better about dying alone.

I'm not going to give life advice (I highly doubt you'd give two shits, just saying...), but it sounds like a good therapist would do you wonders and I mean absolutely no offense by that.

I understand, I've felt a lot of what you feel recently. Everyone misses someone, everyone's fighting for someone, but I always feel like those feelings are never towards me. I've never really had anyone fight for me, or feel as strongly for me as others have spoken about others. I'm never that person someone wishes they could be with, or even just be around. Especially lately, I feel like people have less and less interest in me and it's really giving me some issues within myself that I haven't quite figured out how to handle. Randoms are rude to me even when I'm saying something positive involving them or the topic. I'm just starting to feel lonely, I've shrugged it off for a while but I just wish I had someone.

This post is interesting Similar situations and feelings. Being 28 and me wanting a woman who is strong willed and a love for anime and stuff makes for slim pickings these days as they for the most part fall into the lesbian category I have run into far too often as of late... While I have people I consider friends I don't have anyone I can truly say I love and hold dear to me. Sure a therapist might help but someone like me personally would just get annoyed since I can analyze situations too well and know what they would reccomend and tell me anyways. Being alone and the type of mind I have makes for the feeling of hopelessness in my case. .... Well sorts but the women I know wouldn't have an issue with me I would have issues with due to my ocd

First of all, I'm sorry that your mother has to live in discomfort and I'm really sorry that you have to take care of her because I know it is a burden. When she passes it will be the hardest thing in your life. There is NOBODY in this world that loves you like your mother, but your life will continue and she wants nothing more than for you to be happy. Here is what I think: You must start establishing connections with people in the real world. You need to start exercising more and using electronics less. Men need exercise because it produces a neuro-chemical that truly relieves stress even if only a little. Exercising will also get your mind off of so much depression as well as help you look better. I'm sure you don't have high standards for women, but there are women that are considered fat or ugly who would treat you like their king. You have to go out and find those women, and start a conversation with them. ALWAYS SMILE WHEN YOU TALK TO PEOPLE! I know that you know what must be done... But you have to act upon these things. You cannot sit around and be lazy. Start by going to random public places like the library or the mall. You have to learn how to be a part of society or you can't get a girl, but your intentions should not only be girls. You need to make friends. There is a website that can help ANYBODY meet others and I encourage you to find groups that interest you. There are a lot of good guys you can meet and play video games or whatever otaku-nerdy things you like. Please check it out - https://www.meetup.com/ You're only 30, life has much to offer still. Think about these things and good luck brother :)

^vapor wave has solid advice. It seems you need to work on yourself first. To do that, train your mind through your body. Let go of toxic memories and experiences. Those were things you didn't have control over. Regardless of age, don't let society pressure you on the idea of relationship=happiness. Focus on you. Best of luck.

You'll never be happy if you base that happiness on a relationship. Take a breath, stop pursuing so hard. Spend time on you, when you get to a point where you're happy with yourself then try again. You need to live for yourself, not a potential relationship. Trust me, that stuff comes easy once you get your bearings anyway.