You're Different! (In a Bad Way)

I believe myself to be such a creep and a weird soul........I get confused about whether what I do is right or wrong......so I just do stupid things........ everyone I come across says I'm normal but I don't feel normal.....I have bad people skills.......I tend to see the dark side of the everything even when it is clearly pointed out to be good.....I have trust issues which are clearly obvious........I believe myself to be useless in many ways possible.........I notice that I'm not understood by most people I come across.....the few people that understand me don't even know the how much pain I've suffered...I like to care for others even if they don't care for me......friends who don't see me as one......I'm just a misunderstood hell demon waiting to die.......but yet I can't die because I know how much pain I will be causing others if I did.....especially my MO mum and my real mum.....but why I'm like this is one of the biggest questions asked that has no answer.....mainly this is just me.....it's always been me for as long as i can remember.....I'm sure none of you care about what Im saying and I'm not bothered really because im used to not being cared about....I'm used to being the one that never exists in your world in other words I'm used to being me........

Even if it's in a bad way I still accept myself for who I am. I don't tend to talk to people unless spoken to first like an NPC in a video game. I feel like a background character just observing the world...other times I feel like a main character with nothing chaining me down, a freedom I feel like I have that others don't. It's like there's many flags in this world with events waiting to be happen...yet I don't have my own flag...It's non existent like a flame haze. I guess I could start writing a journal/diary like in future diary whenever I venture outside ...just a bystander waiting for something to happen...if I ever do go outside...which is rarely. For society I usually wear a mask, not literally but to pretend to be normal...so I don't get lock up in a padded room....or for them to dissect me.

I'm extremely nice but socially awkward. I can forgive people in a heartbeat and people insulting me doesn't make me mad, it's counterproductive because people end up using me a lot and I kind of get used as a doormat sometimes. Also considering I'm nice, I don't actually know how to interact with people my age very well sometimes so my niceness can come off as strange. Me being by myself as a kid the majority of the time kind of made it hard for me to talk to children my age because I was always with adults. It's a hard life sometimes when some of the things you say come off as a bit creepy.

I'm.... ... Hm... I'm just a mess...