Random thoughts...

I'm doing 2 things for work today and then pretending I don't exist. I just finished my coffee and usually I'm up for getting shit done but I'm so tired from working a 3 day corpo convention. Arc kept trying to talk to me last night and I kept asking him to repeat himself because I was so zonked out. >_<

They misspelled my name... Or was I always Garland, J.??? *Shock sound effect* Almost as funny as the time a substitute teacher called me Gabranth.

Sure. Waiting room. *wink*

Aha... Nope. Butt, I hear tell little Jack Horner likes sticking his thumb in pies. ;) Also, don't threaten me with a good time. lol

*Ahem* I do have a massager... ;)

The voices seemed to have slacked up after I learned how to stop unnatural fears. It's so funny that evil can only hurt you with your dark information. The fact that they will keep hurting you with your own darkness puts constant unrelenting pressure on you to face the darkness and resolve it or be swallowed up by it. That constant tension of being at risk of further corruption can forge diamonds when you find yourself spending alot of time brainstorming in the midst of your own chaos for the survival of the best you. You either learn from it or be crushed under the weight. You either make diamonds or you break / crack. Sometimes I pick up on things quickly and sometimes I have to be crushed by the weight of my darkness repeatly for prolonged periods until I have the right brainstorm to free myself from constant suffering. I'm starting to see why my God said there is purpose in suffering. Shit still hurts though. But I'm getting use to it. I think a 25% decrease in hiding and facing the darkness is enough don't won't to over agitate my mind for a solution if the road appears it appears and I will be ready to learn. Forcing it open isn't my forte. I'm sensitive though so I won't miss it if it appears. It's so weird I should hate the voices for corrupting me. I do most times. But, this type of tough environment makes me fight for the best me. Sometimes it's just constant suffering but sometimes I thrive in this situation I find myself in and get the answers I never would of got without the situation happening. I hate getting beat up for free. But, if I think about it I can't be mad because I recieved priceless things in return. Knowledge is priceless. It feels like wasted energy to be mad at the voices. They just doing what they do. I shouldn't be mad at things I can't change. I should be mad at myself from how I react to them. It's my fault I'm so easily corruptible. But, I'm finding my footing and understanding how to disregard the unnatural images of self and fear I'm scared are becoming me. It's just a sea of unnatural fear and I'm sure I can swim now. May Jesus keep me strong. Edit: Probably a safe bet to stay mad at those mfs though. I'm just trying a different path for a lil bit. Gotta be cautious though when not upholding my former boundary. It could give them more room to work with. Don't be like me. Stay safe if anybody ever go through this. After all it's your mind. You were given free will. I'm just curious about what else I need to resolve to put myself in harms way like a idiot. They not your friends. They straight up told me that.