Help me understand

Ever since I got on the site and even before I see people going head over heel for love trying to find the significant other even at 14 year old and my question is what is the emergency? Shoud'nt we be taking our time to find that soulmate? I understand that some people needs to be love but is it worth to throw yourself on the very first person passing by to end up heart broken because it didnt worked? Help me understand the rush over here

A lot of guys here have zero social skills, and they get overloaded with OMG WOMEN and start swarming their profiles. I had my first girlfriend when I was 21. It was a nice relationship that did many things for me, but now that its over? I'm not really in the mood. I want to get my life straight because when she came into my life, I wasn't ready for her, and I feel I need to get my life straight. Everyone here should, I agree, calm down and stop being desperate to get a girlfriend. Your lack of social skills are showing.

How so what? I've had several women here complain that the men are swarming their profile and being creepy as soon as they get on. I've seen them leave because of it. In order to be on here it seems you either have to be unattractive or else have a thick skin to resist all of the creeps you're gonna get. As a guy it doesn't matter to me, but :shrug: I'm pointing out the problems.

Reaper, I could relate. I also had my first girlfriend around 19-21, and since then, I've realized I had a lot of growing to do before I could take things to the level she was demanding of me. And trust me, women on dating sites in general have problems with creepers, stalkers, and harassers. I don't really know how much better this site is compared to others, but on sites like tender? Hehe, yeah. Watch a youtube show called "Creepy Text Theatre", and you will understand the true face of desperation. But I will say that when I was 14, I certainly had that "Have to find a girlfriend!" episode. And while I wasn't quite desperate, I sure as hell was lonely to the point where I fell into that "Fill a void in my life" trap. Poor me. If only I understood then what I do now, I would probably have been much more ready for my first relationship.

I don't get it either.. Just glad that in my school boys were "eww" until age 12 and then just whatever until maybe 16-17ish. I remember my brother used to draw "girl distruction" machines in primary and early middle-school and I'd always steal his sketches and replace all "M"s (Girl in German is "Mädchen") with "J"s (Boy in German is "Junge") and vice versa. ah.. we were nice kids. But I think we turned out more mentally stable than any of the middle school couples. Like, kids.. you have one childhood. You have years of adulthood to do adulty adult things. Don't waste your childhood on it.

It's a byproduct of social media. Let's avoid mentioning Tinder, that app was specifically designed for superficiality, casual encounters and stalking. I mean come on, you're literally judging a person based on a couple of pictures, it doesn't get more shallow than that. I honestly believe that people who join Tinder looking for anything except what I mentioned above are the ones who are wrong. By comparison, would you look for a wife in a whorehouse? I doubt it. There's always the exception to the rule but that's a rare case. Social media is changing the way people communicate. It's got some pretty awesome aspects to it. We can talk to people from across the world, people we would likely never meet in our entire lives. There's no waiting involved even across timezones. You write a message and you get a reply when the person sees it and chooses to answer you. You can send pictures and share life experiences by pressing a few keys. You can find someone who understands your struggles, a kindred spirit (don't mistake this for soulmate). First off, as amazing as this is, social media skills rarely translate to social skills. Communication between people is much more than meeting because you share a common interest and talking about various things on forums. In fact, I recall a study where they learned that only ~10% of communication involves the use of words. The rest of ~90% is reading others: body language, emotions, even your voice relays a lot (tone, speed of talking, volume). A lot of this goes unnoticed online. Because the 10% is so easy to master, it gives people a false sense of confidence, makes them think they're really good at socializing. Secondly, the freedom that you have online comes with a downside, especially if you don't manage it right. Isolation. The bigger your world is, the less of it revolves around you and the more lonely you feel. This alone is sometimes enough to make you look for comfort. And the easiest place to find comfort is in a person who understands you or shares your views, attitude and interests. This and other issues (like the hormones mentioned above me) leads to the "looking for a girlfriend" issue that you mentioned. But not many people know that's not what they're looking for. Which is alright, sometimes the best way to learn is by making mistakes. As long as you learn from them, it's all good. I was 16 when I went through my "gotta have a girlfriend phase". My first relationship ended quickly, in a couple of months. I didn't understand why so I kept trying. The longest took a year and a half until I finally understood the huge difference between what I want and what I actually need. I just realized that I've been typing for the past 15 minutes so I'll spare you from an even bigger wall of text. Thanks for being patient. xD Edit: for more research on this subject, check out the "Why are you single?" topic in the "Relationship Advice" section on the forum. A lot of the posts there speak for themselves.

I don't really get it. ;D Still don't know why people always speak about their own personal experience in contexts like this. No one has the same options like you.. Talking about own experiences is rather stupid than helpful. If you really want an answer to your question go and find it by yourself.

That's because there is no one answer to these questions. Everyone has their own experiences and answers in this situation. I guess my two cents on this topic would be that since puberty is such a confusing time when growing up, people are experimenting and trying to learn what feels right for them. Girls and boys start to look more appealing to each other (or girls and girl, and boys and boys). They're trying to learn more about these new feelings and experiences. Even in adulthood, we still don't fully understand the concept of love and attraction. We just know it's there. To sum things up, hormones can affect how we think.