it still hurts

My uncle died. I know that probably doesn't concern much people. But... I haven't gotten over it. I was 5 months pregnant and the night before he died I kept thinking of him. The next morning I spent it playing twilight princess and I could not stop thinking of him. I took a short nap and was awoken by my ex-boyfriend and father of my son. He said my mom was at the door, and she was crying. I knew instantly. I climbed the stairs and both my parents were standing there looking at me with sad eyes. I stood and waited for her to say it. When she finally did tell me I didnt react. I couldn't. I just hugged my mom and told her how sorry I was. in my culture, we light a fire and keep it lit for three days. The men stay up all night and watch the fire and keep it burning. My people believe that the fire is a light guiding the dead person on a three day journey to the other side. It is part of a deceased persons wake. The women cook all day and make sure the immediate grieving family is comforted with food anytime they need. The children wear black thread around their wrist. It is said the thread protects the child from the deceased persons soul. In case they feel bad for the child and decide to take their spirits away. as a pregnant woman, I wasn't allowed to see his corpse. Which made me even more sad ): the month before I had invited him to my high school graduation and at the ceremony there was one empty chair at my table. And when we received our diplomas I looked at the empty chair and started to cry on stage. he was like my big brother and a fatherly figure to me. He even took me into his home once. He would've been so happy to see my baby boy. I wish we could have made more memories before he died. he died because of complications due to his diabetes. he had gang green settling in his foot and it would've most likely been amputated. I miss him so much. I post on his Facebook wall and message him, hoping I'll get a reply. But. I won't ever.

wow...I feel so bad for you...that sucks. I went through the same stuff when I spent the last time with my mother. It was on my 21st b-day. She died later in December. My father is ill and soon will die from alcohal. It is preventing healthy blood flow. I have a small family. My mothers dying wish was for me to get her a grandaughter. Not only will she or my father see my child but I am 23. They wont be there for me or even be at my wedding. I miss my mom. I went through what you are.

I'm sorry to hear ): everyone goes through this. I think a parent shouldn't have to bury their child so it only makes sense. Death is the cost of life. But we can still live on through our children and their children

I feel bad for my grandmother. I want my mom alive and I want my dad to live but he wont. I dont want them to live because of my selfishness. I dont want them to suffer for my sake. Life sucks but my heart has gone through hell for them and previous relationships. I am used to it. I dont get hurt or I am suprised on how messed up the world is. I do cry at times for my mom.

I'm sorry to hear that. Life is rough all over. Its only in the time of uncertainly are you forced to show true strength

eh..dont worry about me or feel sorry. I understand but try to enjoy your life and find your strength. You are a strong woman capable to anything you want. The best is to come for you.

I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but I have experienced loss also. She was my first grade teacher, very special to me because she went out of her way to make sure I could read after I failed the first time. My mom made sure I went back to her and she became like a school mother to me. We still kept in touch after I moved and whenever I came back I would visit her and I even got to meet her daughter for the first time, the last time I saw her. It had started with card exchanges since we couldn't keep visiting my old home town and then she started sending bad news about the kids treating her bad, and her having a "fall". I was a bit worried because it sounded weird but the next card she sent she was back to her old self. Then one day my mom calls me to the living room and she tells me that the woman, who saved me from being just another stereotypical statistic, from ending up making bad decisions like some of my family members, who was nothing but kind,loving and patient to me, had died. The last card we got was from her funeral announcement and it's the last photo I'll ever have of that phenomenal woman. It's getting hard for me to remember the things I used to do and say it's been so long.... But I understand, I really do, believe me. Anytime I even thought about failing and English/Literature class I would joke "She would roll in her grave" just to keep me going. I excelled at that class because of her and it hurt the worst when we did the grad invites and my mother suggested I save one just for her and put it with her funeral announcement since she wouldn't be able to see me herself. I was like: "How crappy is that? I worked so hard. For me, my mom, and you. I've gotten so far with your help. I made sure I made you proud. And I can't even show you..." Shit. I started crying lol. BUT I got through it man, I just thought that she'd be watching and that she is proud of me! she will always be proud of my accomplishments and I should continue to make her proud. What I'm saying is...it doesn't get really easier, the pain stays but you have all of our support and love. You have his memory and the best you can do in his memory is to live your life and not dwell too much on it because trust me...you don't want to stay there, it's sad and it hurts too much. You have new life and that's wonderful! I'm sure he'll be watching over the bundle of joy and I have faith that you'll stay strong and raise a fine adult.