Sex while dating?

Why do people wanna go through having sex while their dating? I mean, what if they don't marry that person and they get a disease or conceive a child as a result of their choices? The truth is, NO birth control is as 100% effective as abstaining from the act and no protection can be as effective from disease either. So rather than going at it like rabbits, why don't the couples take the time to get to know one another so that they don't become one of those people who gets a divorce 20 minutes after their marriage.

I think that if you love someone enough, and I mean like, you'd seriously consider marrying them, having sex with them is ok. The point of the matter is is that you have to know if you get pregnant or something, they'll stick around. Or you'd hope that they would, anyway.

Well, yeah, that they'd at least stick around would be the ideal case, but what I don't understand is that, if you really love a person, and would consider having sex with them, why not just make it official and get married? Wouldn't that give your actions more ethicality? (if that's a real word)

Everyone has their own ideals about what sex is and when to have it. I'm a firm believer of "try before you buy". Why buy a car if it doesn't ride/handle smoothly? (Even though there are other reasons to buy or not.) I find it sad that many people's beliefs/morals about sex is based off of religion instead of letting themselves discover what it is for themselves. Does anyone know that in Japan "love" and "sex" doesn't necessarily go "hand-in-hand"? Also that in Japan "morality" isn't really attached to sex hence sex before marriage isn't a "sin"? Sex is a primal need that goes all the way back to the dawn of humanity. I feel that if both participates are okay with it then, more power to ya. Just don't have dumb-sex. I always use protection and always ask about health statuses.

The point of dating is to learn more about the other person. If you decide to have sex before getting to know the other person more, then it's no better than having sex with a total stranger (dumb-sex). There is nothing set in stone, nothing in nature that suggests when it is the right time for physical intimacy. Only a "couple" gets to decided on that. Generally you know a person "good enough" to make that decision. I think you, Phanari, either have a fear about sex or you had a bad experience about it. Humans have a hard time understanding their fears but you need to face them and understand 'em to get over it. Bad experiences are harder to get over in my opinion however I think to help over come that is to have more "good experiences".

But I'm not a doctor so, what do I know? However with my time on this earth I have discovered that sex is a good thing, maybe not the best of things, but I feel everyone should be able to experience it rather than become "nuns" before you ever get coited.

Try before you buy? Whether or not you choose to spend your life with someone shouldn't be decided on their skills on the mattress. And since when has sex been more than a gift? What's this "primal need" hogwash? And also, Ikkoku, how can I have had a bad experience with sex, or be afraid of it for that matter, when I have willingly never had it? I have my own reasons why not and won't go into them. So I request that in the future when you choose to label someone and put them in a nice little drawer organized by categories, make sure you actually know that person before you place them there, please?

A lot of people have a fundamental difference in their view of sex. Many people believe that sex is something that can be enjoyed between any two people who like each other. Some people believe that it's a special gift that should only be shared between two people. In honesty, the second view is the minority, promoted mainly by religious beliefs. There are good reasons for either opinion though. Keeping sex as something special between you and your lifetime lover makes your relationship with them even more special. But people often don't realize that, no matter how much of a hopeless romantic you are (I am), very very few people ever find someone that they will be with for the rest of their life. So sex before marriage can be a way to get to know and understand another person you're interested in, and have fun with them at the same time. It's really up to you.

<b>@ Phanari:</b>I'm not saying to "spend your life with someone" based on "skills on the mattress". You <b>COMPLETELY</b> missed the point. The point is that you should know what you are getting yourself into. All I can add is that it would be boring and sad to "spend your life with someone" if they sucked at physical intimacy. However that's completely up to those who are in that sort of relationship. "Primal need hogwash"? I know I'm going to sound like a jerk but I think you need to read up on <b>anthropology</b>, <b>psychology</b>, <b>philosophy</b>, and maybe some <b>poetry</b>. Maybe even go to college and learn about them because they all talk about and reflect "primal needs" that is not "hogwash" as you said. Okay, so you have your own reasons to "willing never had it." That's fine. I'm sorry if I "labeled" you but I'm just looking at it in a rational perspective that a psychiatrist would too. Those are just some very common and basic issues MOST people have about the subject. You do know that we humans are curious beings and that we love to discover and categorize things in a "neat drawer" too?

I think it is educational that you are willing to discuss (your?) issues here and talk and exchange ideas to better understand it but I think your thread goes beyond the scope help that this site and its' members can help you on. Maybe you need to see a counselor or even a psychiatrist about the subject. I've personally known too many "damaged" people in my days to tell you that they all are looking for answers in all the wrong places. I'm not "labeling” you as "damaged", I don’t know you, I’m not trying to be mean to you but I find it that being blunt is best rather than sugar-coating responses. This time, please take some time to think about my post more before you respond and try to put words in my mouth m’kay?